The Dark Light

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

By: Anime-Goddess-Sakura

Chapter 1: Not quite human

Kagome sighed as she gazed at the water that slid down her window. It was pouring outside, the raindrops hitting constantly against the glass window could be heard. The current weather matched her mood perfectly; the always cheerful girl radiated sadness and pain that one as young as her shouldn't carry. Her sapphire blue eyes shone with unshed tears as she touched the cool glass of the window.

So cold, she thought with a small sad smile on her face.

'So cold, just like me.'

"I wonder if he's with her right now?" She whispered, her breath fanning over the window.

She pushed herself from the window, angry at herself for thinking about him. She walked to her desk which was littered with books and pens and papers. She had tried to study, hoping to distract herself, but it had all been in vain.

With a tired sigh, she fell back in the chair. She leaned her head back and gazed at the ceiling. Dark circles were under her blue eyes, showing her fatigue. Her dark hair fell in dark tendrils along her back, while her bangs fell in her eyes. Her shoulders were slumped, her whole posture radiated tiredness.

She inclined her head to the right, her gaze settling on the c-d player on a small table in the corner. Small full pink lips tilted in a small smile. Who would have thought that there would be a song that would fit her complicated love life?

She listened to the song intently, the words conjuring images of one she held so dear. Another tired sigh left her parted lips, she was so exhausted, her youthful spirit and heart were slowly wasting away and there was nothing she could do about it. How could someone feel so empty inside? She fell like a shell of her former self, just living for the sake of living. Long dark lashes fluttered as she blinked the tears away.

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

'Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

"Inuyasha." She whispered, her soft voice coming out full of sadness and pain.

She bit her lower-lip as she bit back the sob that wanted to leave her lips. She couldn't stop the tears that fell from her blue eyes though as the face of the hanyou who held her heart flashed through her mind. She straightened up in the chair and lowered her head, so that her dark hair hid her face. Shoulders shook as her body trembled with muffled sobs, while she wrapped her arms around her body. Tears slowly fell from her eyes soaking the pair of blue cotton shorts that she wearing.

Her head snapped up all of the sudden and raised one hand to furiously wipe the tears away, she was tired of crying. Yet every time she thought that she had no more tears to cry, she would be proven wrong as more tears would fall from her eyes. And with each tear, she would feel herself slowly slipping further into depression.

She promised herself that she wouldn't cry anymore; Inuyasha was simply not worth it. And still that only seemed like a lie to her as she cried over and over again because of him. She had never felt this hurt before; it exceeded any physical pain she might have ever felt. And last week had been the last straw that broke the camel's back.

She still remembered how he had found them. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as the heart wrenching picture flashed through her mind. It almost felt like she was there once again. Her and the Goshibunko and had been the only witnesses that night.

Kikyo's soul stealing serpents had been flying around, almost as if protecting their mistress as she had stood there with the hanyou. She had watched in sadness as they closed the gap between them and kissed passionately, while they held one another.

The pain in her chest was mind-blowing as she had stared at Inuyasha. His expression had been so happy and at peace. Tears had streamed down her face as she felt her heart break in a million pieces at that moment. And then something happened that she wasn't prepared for. Inuyasha had broken the kiss and turned to gaze in her direction. His amber eyes had met her blue eyes and she could see everything that she didn't want to see.

Her eyes snapped open and she found herself back in her room. She turned her gaze to the window and stared at the dark sky. She had run away after he had seen her, just like a coward. He had finally chosen. And he had chosen Kikyo. The thought send a stab of pain through her chest, making her put a hand on her chest, where she assumed her heart was beating. She didn't even know if she had a heart anymore, not after the way Inuyasha had broken her heart.

By now the tears were streaming down her face again. Kikyo was what she could never be; not only in Inuyasha's eyes, but in everybody's eyes as well. She was the reincarnation, a copy of the powerful and beautiful dead priestess; she was just Kikyo's shadow. She knew this too well, seeing that Inuyasha always reminded her of that. She was weak, while kikyo was strong. If it had been Kikyo, the jewel would have never been broken. And it pained her to admit it that he was right. Kikyo would have never shattered the jewel and cause so much trouble to befall the land.

She had never really told anyone how guilty she felt. She knew very well that she was the cause of so much dead and agony, just because of the fact that she had shattered the jewel. If it wasn't for her, Sango's family and village would be alive, if it wasn't for her Shippou's father would be alive. If it wasn't for her so many more lives would have been spared. She was so useless and Inuyasha had no qualms about reminding her of this. She wished that she was stronger, but wishing alone would not make it happen.

She angrily wiped the tears again as she stood up from the chair and made her way to her bed, where she fell backwards. She turned her head sideways, enjoying the cool feel of the sheet on her face. She caught the reflection of herself in the large mirror next to her bed.

She could barely recognize the face that was looking back at her. Instead of a child, she saw a woman gazing at her. A woman who had her hopes and dreams crushed. Her blue eyes were dull, almost resembling two pools of navy ink; her face that once exuded always such childish innocence and happiness, stared back at her with nothing more than sadness and exhaustion.

She raised one hand and traced the dark circles under her eyes with her index finger. Even in her dreams he haunted her, the scene of the two of them kissing, tormenting her each night, since she came back from the feudal era. It seemed that she wouldn't be able to escape them, no matter what she did.

She didn't want to pretend to be cheery all the time when in reality she was hurting inside. She sat up and closed her eyes as she sang the words of the song. Her voice rang clearly through her room, sounding like the alluring voice of a lost mermaid of the deep blue sea; a mermaid who had lost her way home.

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have

All of me

She pulled her legs towards her body and buried her face in her knees. Could someone please show her the way, she was so lost. She reflected on the fact that maybe she wasn't supposed to find happiness, that maybe she was meant to suffer. She fisted her hands and wished that maybe she could just forget everything, but she knew very well that would never happen. The reality could not be changed or forgotten.

"Kagome." A voice said suddenly through the room, making Kagome raised her face.

Her mother stood in the door and looked at worriedly at. She was surprised; she hadn't even heard her mother walk in. She looked away and tried to wipe her tears away without her mother noticing. She didn't need her mother to worry about her. She worried enough as it was.

Mrs. Higurashi watched everything with a soft smile. She didn't want to intrude, but she just couldn't sit back and watched as her daughter suffered. Closing the door behind her, she walked towards her daughter and took a seat next to her.

Kagome lowered her feet down as she tried not to fidget under her mother's gaze. She knew very well that her mother knew that something was wrong.

"Are you okay, dear?" Mrs. Higurashi asked reaching for her daughter and brushing away a strand of hair out of Kagome's face.

"Yes, mom." Kagome said trying to sound like her old cheery self, but even a smile was hard to conjure at the moment.

Yet one look at her mother told her that she didn't quite believe her. She looked away, unable to stand the way her mother was staring at her. It was clear that her mother knew that she was lying to her. She didn't want to tell her mother what was bothering her. She felt that this burden was hers alone.

However how could she handle this all alone? Her mind was in turmoil as she thought about the reality. Inuyasha had chosen, Kikyo over her. All those years that she spent loving him were for nothing. Her heart was slowly falling apart. She was dying inside.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

She couldn't keep it in anymore. She felt so alone, so…cold. She had wanted to be at least a friend to Inuyasha. He had even refused that. She was only a shard-detector to him. For almost three long years she has been called that. She was just tired of it.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have

All of me

Even though she wanted to say that she didn't love him anymore. In a way, he still held all of her. Her feelings were still there and the bastard used that to his adventure, giving her some affection when he needed something. Then pushed her away when he got what he wanted. At this point Kagome was openly sobbing not only in sadness, but also in anger. She was angry at herself for being such a fool and believing in his words, her petite frame shaking violently as tears streamed down her face.

"Kagome?" her mother asked worriedly as he reached for her.

Mrs. Higurashi's eyes widened as Kagome launched herself at her with an anguished cry. The older woman was taken back for a moment and almost fell backwards with the weight of her daughter, but fortunately managed to steady herself.

Kagome finally let the tears fall; she just to let everything out before she collapsed. Her mother encased her in a soft hug as she let her cry. She slowly caressed her back and let Kagome tell her everything while crying. Her mother did the only thing she could; she tried to comfort her daughter as well as she could, all the while mentally cursing the one that had managed to hurt the precious bundle in her arms.

She had known all along that something was wrong with Kagome, but she had given her space. She noticed that each time the young woman returned from the feudal era, she looked even sadder than before. Slowly the cheerful girl that she had known for years had slowly been replaced by the melancholic young woman that she now held in her arms. She berated herself for not realizing sooner that her daughter was slowly wasting away in front of her eyes.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity to both of them, Kagome calmed down and just enjoyed the company and silence of her mother's presence. The c-d player had stopped playing a long time ago, so that the only sound in the room was that of the raindrops hitting the glass and roof.

Kagome sighed as she pulled herself away from her mother. She felt much better now; the weight has lessened some what. It didn't mean that she wasn't hurting anymore, for she still was, but she felt a little more relieved.

"Mom, why am I so weak?" She asked softly, not exactly knowing why she would ask something like that.

She turned to gaze at her mother was looking intently at her, her brown eyes boring through her blue ones. She looked away, telling herself that it was obviously a stupid question. Still she just wanted to know. Sango was a warrior, she was strong and fought well, Kikyo was a priestess and was extremely well with the bow and arrow and she could use her purifying powers. The only weak one was her, she had gotten better at using her powers over the years, but she knew very well that she would never be as good as them. So, in her eyes, she was still very weak.

She looked up as she felt her mother gently grasp her hand. Her eyes widened as she noticed the look on the older woman's face.

"Kagome, you're not weak." Her mother said in a serious voice, leaving no room for arguments, making Kagome look strangely at her.

She had never seen her mother like that before. She looked so serious. Almost like a lioness protecting her cub.

"Never ever let me hear you say that again. You of everybody should know that the strength that you possessed is only surpassed by your ability to love and forgive and that says a lot." Her mother said gently squeezing her hand.

Kagome nodded dumbly, not knowing what to say. Her mother smiled warmly at her, before speaking again, while she released her hand. Still she couldn't stop the smile that tilted her lips; at least someone thought that she wasn't weak. The thought made her feel better.

"Kagome your birthday is in two days. You're finally going to become eighteen."

Kagome smiled weakly as she thought about how many things she could do now that she was eighteen. Yet she sighed when she thought that she hadn't even had her first kiss yet. It was pathetic in her opinion; she hated it when her friends would brag about their boyfriends and how they kissed. She felt like a child compared to them.

"Kagome." Her mother called out to her, snapping her out of her reverie.

She looked at her mother with large sapphire blue eyes. She furrowed her brows as she noticed her mother fidgeting.

"Kagome, there's something that I'll tell you that will change your life forever." Her mother said as she stood up.

Kagome didn't understand quite what she meant yet nodded anyway. It seems that there were always changes that would alter her life forever anyways. So, she wasn't really concerned and knowing her mother, the changes would be something really small like changing detergents or something, she thought sarcastically.

"Kagome, you're reaching your eighteen moon." Her mother said standing up and pacing around.

Mrs. Higurashi was dreading having to tell her daughter this, but she needed to do this. Kagome deserved to know the truth and besides she was running out of time. She would be turning eighteen soon and there would be no turning back by then. Taking a deep breath she tried to calm her racing heart. She knew that Kagome would understand, but still...what she was going to tell her wasn't going to be easy.

Kagome's eyes followed her mother's movement and found herself intrigued about what she was getting on about for her to seem so nervous. Warning signs went on in her head, reminding her that her mother was never nervous; her mother was always the perfect picture of composure and calmness. So what the heck got her mother so worked up?

"And I feel I have to tell you this." Kagome looked at her mother with curious eyes as the older woman kept pacing around. She had never seen her mother like this before. She was nervous; her mother that was always so controlled.

"Mom?" Kagome asked trying to figure out what was going on. "Kagome." Her mother said as she stopped pacing and looked straight at her.

At that moment a feeling of dread hit her. Something was wrong, very wrong. And she had a feeling that the fates were just planning to throw something really weird at her. And yet still she wasn't prepared for what her mother said next.

"Kagome, you're not human." Her mother said finally.

Everything went silent after that in the room. You could hear as the drops of rain hit the window. Mrs. Higurashi waited with baited breath as she watched her daughter process what she had just told her. Kagome seemed to be taken it better than she thought as she watched her daughter stare blankly at her. Yet suddenly...

"What!" Kagome screamed.


TBC…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………