Queen's Knight of Ni: Ok this is a one-shot at Duo after the war. I enjoyed writing it, and I know some may not like song fics but this song was too perfect for the story line that I just couldn't leave it out. Would love to read some feedback on it so please review.
The poem at the end isn't mine. I have it posted as 'God of Death' in my stories list for a reader's pleasure, but I do not claim it.
The Priesthood of Memories
It's easier to run
replacing this pain with something more
"Duo, where are you going? DUO!"
"Leave me alone, I don't want this anymore!" Duo runs out of the small yard that surrounded his and Hilde's small house. "It's time I left this life, and finish what I had started so long ago." he thought as he continued to run, not looking back. "There's got to be something to help me, these dreams are just too much. They can't expect me to just drop everything and go back. I mean, it's impossible. There's got to be more to this than what I have already seen."
It's so much easier to go
than face all this pain here all alone
"Hilde can never understand all this. She tries but she can't. I'm all alone in this world. No one understands what I have done. The rites that I have broken. I have to get away from this, from this incessant world of sin."
Duo ran as long as his legs would allow him to. He was now about two miles away from his house. He started to wonder what Hilde was doing now. He really didn't give her much of a warning about this. Nothing more than a "I'm leaving" and him running out the front door and down the street. Soon enough though, he forced the thoughts of her out of his head. "She is part of this world that I can no longer be a part of. I can't go on with her in my head." He continued to walk further away from the house heading to the nearest space port. "It should be where I left it. No one knew about it except for her and the others, so it should not have been moved or messed with. Here I come ol' buddy."
Something has been taken
from deep inside of me
a secret I've kept locked away
no one can ever see
Duo boarded the last shuttle leaving for earth for the evening. As he took his seat he saw a religious leader of sorts sit across the aisle from him. When the person spoke he knew he was probably catholic.
"Good evening, son. Is everything well?"
Duo looked at the man. "How on earth could he ask such a question on such a day?" Duo thought. "Of course everything is dandy." Duo replied. He always figured that even though they asked they never really wanted to listen. They just always had to be polite.
"My son, if there is one thing that I have learned in this faith is that no one has a perfect day. Whether it be mild or terrible, something is bothering your mind."
'In this faith'. "That faith," Duo thought, "That faith that is nothing more than a memory that continues to haunt me. Why can't it just let me be? I've dealt with the problem before, no one could see it, and now it is so prevalent that even this old guy can see it."
"I'm running away."
"At your age? I would not figure that a man would have to run away at anything at your age." "You would if you were running away from yourself." "Running from yourself huh? Well, it doesn't seem like you are doing too good of a job. You seem to have caught up with yourself." The priest said laughing. Duo was not in the mood for jokes or having his situation laughed at and rose to leave.
"Wait a moment, son." The priest grabbed Duo by the arm. Duo turned and was going to take the priest's hand and snatch it up, but as he moved to do so his eyes caught those of the priest. The look in his eyes almost commanded him to sit. Duo had no idea why this made him stop.
Wounds so deep they never show
they never go away
like moving pictures in my head
for years and years they've played
Suddenly memories of his past flooded Duo's mind. He practically winced in pain at the sight of these painful memories. He couldn't bare to see them. He had burried them and forgot about them so long ago. Why were they now just coming back to the surface?
Duo sighed and sat back in his seat. The light at the front of shuttle cabin lit up indicating that the shuttle was taking off and for the passengers to fasten their seat belts. Duo complied with the sign, not really wanting to have his head cracked open from hitting a wall or anything. Although this thought might have been welcome since it might make these images escape.
Soon enough, though, the light was turned off as the shuttle entered open space and the passengers were allowed to roam freely. The priest took this chance to move to the seat beside Duo that was still open.
If I could change I would
take back the pain I would
retrace every wrong move I made I would
Duo was deep in thought. He hadn't even noticed the priest as he moved. He couldn't get these memories out of his head. The pain that came with them was excruciating.
"I paid for those sins! Why are they still haunting me? What must I do!" He yelled in his mind, hoping that maybe that would alleviate some of the pain that he was feeling.
"Boy," the priest startled Duo. Duo looked up quickly to find the priest looking deep into his eyes. "When I asked if everything was well, I meant it. Forget that I am a priest if that eases your anxieties of talking to me."
"I'm no longer catholic, father."
"All in good time, I'm sure."
"No, there's no way in any time that I can ever go back."
"Why is that?"
As Duo began to answer he winced slightly again as the images popped up again, giving him his answer that he would tell the priest.
"I have blood on my hands father. And there is no way I can atone for it all."
"My son, the will of the true Father is above all in the universe. He can wipe the foulest clean. If you were true in saying that you were of the faith, then even you should know that."
"Yes, father, but I am different. I have done more than what is forgivable."
If I could
stand up and take the blame I would
if I could take all the shame to the grave I
would
"There's no way that He could ever forgive me. I am full of shame and am not even willing to show my face to him."
"There lies your problem. Your shame is unnecessary. Everyone in this world and universe has sinned. We have our shame, but then again we need it not. We should be ashamed for committing such an act as we do, but we need not carry it on our shoulders. After the fact there is nothing we can do about it."
"Exactly right father. That is why I am going to make it to where I can no longer do what I am ashamed of. I will never have to worry about it again."
The priest was puzzled by this response and was worried that Duo was considering suicide as the only way out. Soon enough the light at the head of the cabin lit back up. The captain announced that they would soon be entering the atmosphere. Duo did not refasten his seat belt, as he never had gotten up or loosened it. The priest of course had and stayed in the seat next to Duo. He fastened his seat belt and sat back just as the shuttle entered the outer layers of the earth's atmosphere.
The shuttle began to shake slightly as it hit the denser air. Flames began to lick across the windows of the cabin. Duo looked out the window and began to imagine. His mind had completely transported him to a personal hell.
He looked around and all he saw were hundreds and hundreds of people. The ground he stood on was riddled in fire and the people all were burning. Most of the people he saw were soldiers. But beside and amongst them were women and children. Some of the children couldn't have been more than four or five. Some of the women that he saw were holding babies anywhere from newborn to two years old. All the people were wailing aloud and screaming at him. Their flesh burned away only to be replaced by more to be burned away again. Duo began to turn frantically trying to find a way out of this hellish nightmare he was caught in. It was impossible though. He looked in every direction and no matter which way he looked there were people standing there screaming and wailing at him.
Duo dropped to his knees and began to weep loudly.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean for all of this to happen. Please forgive me, take me away from here!" he yelled.
Sometimes I remember
the darkness of my past
bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
When Duo reopened his eyes he was in total darkness. Darkness to dark that not even the sun could pierce the shroud that covered him. "What? Where am I! I'm taken away from there only to be put here! What kind of forgiveness is that? I thought that you didn't need payment, I thought that you would forgive no matter what!" Duo yelled shaking his fist in the direction which would have been upwards. As he finished his sentence he was transported again.
He found himself in his gundam Deathscythe.
"How did I get here?" he asked.
"Duo, do you copy?" a voice called.
"What's going on here?" he thought. He looked out through the view screen. He was surrounded by mobile suits. They were all destroyed. Not one was left standing except for one. Wing Zero stood with one foot on top of a Leo the other on the ground. Duo's eyes traveled back down to the mobile suits. Soon he saw the images of men's bodies crawling through the metal of the mobile suits!
These men were the pilots. They all stood on top of their mobile suits, all looking like the ones in the nightmare he had earlier. The more he looked the more that appeared. His eyes began to look past the mobile suits and he saw the remnants of a village. The buildings were burning. Nothing was left. Looking over the village he began to see the women and children walk out of the houses. Many of them had their flesh hanging off their bones and Duo could barely stand the sight without vomiting inside the cockpit.
"Duo Maxwell, do you copy?" Heero came again.
"Can you see them?"
"What?"
"Heero can you see the people?"
"Duo there is no one left. They are all dead."
"No they're not. I can see them. They are all burning alive! How could we do this to them! Their human, they deserve to live!"
"They were the enemy."
"WHAT ABOUT THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN!" Duo yelled completely enraged.
"Casualties of war. They unfortunately got in our way."
"Our way? How can our way come to the point of taking the lives of innocent millions?"
"Ever since our way was shown to us."
"No, I refuse to relive this again. No more. I will do no more of this." Duo took Deathscythe and turned it away and left the battlefield.
Sometimes I think of letting go
and never looking back
and never moving forward so
there would never be a past
Duo was roused by a wet cold cloth being pressed to his forehead. His eyes shot open looking this way and that trying to find out where this nightmare had taken him now. As his eyes focused he caught a glimpse of a woman in her 30's. She looked at him intently, and slightly afraid. She was afraid of who or what he was.
"Francis! He is awake!" she called to the other room. The door opened and the priest from the shuttle walked in.
"Ah, so you have finally woken up. I was actually getting a bit worried. It has been five hours since we left the shuttle."
Duo noticed that his shirt had been taken off and he modestly covered himself with his arms. The woman blushed slightly, and took his shirt from the chair that it was placed. She handed it to him and he quickly put it on.
Duo rose to leave only to be stopped again by the priest.
"Not just yet. We still have to talk my boy. Margarette, if you will excuse us?"
"Certainly." Margarette bowed slightly to them both and left the room shutting the door behind her.
Duo looked at the priest questioningly as he turned to face Duo. (S.N. For those who are not familiar to the catholic religion, the priests have an oath of celibacy and can not have a wife.) The priest caught this and smiled.
"Oh no, it's not like that. Margarette is my sister. She never married, and of course I could not marry, so we thought it best that we would live together and look after each other as we did as kids." Duo gave an understanding look and sat up on the edge of the bed.
The priest reached into his pocket and pulled a tattered piece of paper out. Duo recognized this piece of paper and began to search his pockets.
"Yes, I took this from you."
"It wasn't yours to take."
"Yes, I know. But I wanted to find out who you were, and you had no other belongings on you. At least from this I know that your name is Duo."
"So you know my name, what's it to you?" Duo replied somewhat rudely.
"Ah, please do not be angry. I was merely afraid for your safety. I was hoping that I would have been able to find an address or phone number to contact somebody by and let them know where you were."
"I do not know anybody. I am alone, and that's the way it will stay." Again he rose to leave.
"So you were even a priest once?" Francis asked. This question hit a nerve.
Duo turned.
"No, I wasn't and that's all you need to know about me."
"Well, this person in this letter would beg to differ with you on that statement. I found it quite interesting, especially since you said that you could never be forgiven for what you have done. According to this you were a true man of the Father and did his teaching and will to much good. I truly do not see what you could have done to warrant such a judgment to be cast on you."
"Father, you do not know what I have done."
"I imagine I can guess."
"And how is that. You know nothing more than my name, how can you guess my iniquities from that?"
"Your nightmares. You were screaming in your sleep. You spoke of the killing of innocent millions. You made reference to a person named Heero. I know that name. And I also know what he did. If you and he had worked together, then I can only imagine what you did yourself and what your nightmares contain."
With the priest mentioning his nightmares, they began to come back again. Duo winced greatly, he couldn't bare the sight. He thought that he would become sick.
"Come sit down."
Duo complied, knowing that if he left he would not get very far before collapsing.
Just washing it aside
all of the helplessness inside
pretending I don't feel misplaced
is so much simpler than change
"It seems that the person who wrote this letter cared about you a great deal."
"Yes, he did."
"Is this the reason that you were running away from yourself?"
"Yes." Duo answered unwillingly, but knowing he really had no choice.
"You want to go back to where you started?" Duo simply nodded his head.
"Son, I never like to have to say this to a person who is in your state, but I am afraid that we can never go back. No matter how hard we try, it is just not possible."
Duo's faced showed obvious pain and disappointment. That was something that he really did not want to hear, although he knew it was true.
"Duo, we can't correct our past, but we can make our future better. The wars are over, and there is no reason why you have to kill anymore. That can be your comfort. No, you cannot bring back those that you have already killed, but they're gone now, you need not worry about them. There is nothing that will bring them back. Even you going back into the priesthood. That still will not appease their souls. The only thing that you can do to rest their weary souls is to help promote the peace that their sacrifice brought forth."
Duo looked at the priest. He had tried that before, but it never seemed to work. Maybe he was going about it the wrong way though. Maybe he should feel that way, not to get the thoughts out of his head, but truly for their benefit. Could that be the answer that he was looking for all this time?
"She's waiting on you Duo. Now go back to her, and finish this life. Finish the life that YOU started, not the life that you were forced to live." Duo smiled as he took the letter from the out stretched hand of the priest. He took this chance to also shake the priest's hand in gratitude.
It's so much easier to run
replacing this pain with something numb
it's so much easier to go
than face all this pain here all alone.
Duo began running back to his house. It had been a whole day since he left. Hilde still stood almost exactly where he had left her. Tears were streaming down her face as she saw him from a distance. She ran to meet him. They took each other into their arms in a tight embrace.
"I'm not alone." Duo said.
"What, Duo?" Hilde asked between sobs of joy.
"Nothing." he replied as he leaned down to kiss her. They turned and walked back into the house and all was well.
Duo returned to his study after Hilde had fallen asleep on the couch. He took out some paper and began to write:
Deathscythe
A scythe in my right hand with you in my left
They call me the God of Death
I have a scythe in my right hand
It takes people's lives
Then what should I have in my other hand?
I asked the first person I met on earth
"If I carry a gun in my right hand,
What should I carry in my left?"
"Another gun."
I asked a person who hates weapons,
I never want to carry a gun again.
Then I asked a person who had to kill Deathscythe,
"It depends on the situation.
Carefull preparation is essential to hit the target accurately."
Well how is this response?
"My left hand is for protecting you."
Would this answer be too simple?
Queen's Knight of Ni: There it is. Hope you enjoyed it.