Author's Note: I haven't written in a while, but I felt that it was time to come out of hibernation. I've become a tremendous fan of The Vampire Diaries, especially the relationship between Bonnie and Jeremy. The situation that I'm writing about is a bit personal to me, which is another reason why I was so motivated to write it. I hope you guys enjoy this short one-shot, and leave some reviews if you'd like. (:
Bonnie allowed her thoughts to roam chaotically as she attempted to focus on a spell that she had been practicing for quite some time. She sighed in frustration as her final attempt to channel her Grandmother had failed. Truthfully, she just needed someone who she could talk to; someone who would simply listen to her as she expressed her raging emotions toward Jeremy and Anna.
She felt silly at the fact that her jealousy was ruining her. Anna was dead, and a relationship between her and Jeremy would never work. She understood that, but what she didn't understand was the connection that was plainly evident between the two. He was in love with Anna, and no matter how much he cared for Bonnie, it would never be enough; at least, not for her.
Her feelings toward Jeremy had changed in a drastic way in a small amount of time, and it truly scared her; she never knew that it was possible to fall for him as hard as she did. It felt completely unrealistic that, for once, she was actually happy with someone. She had found a person that accepted her for everything that she was worth; he made her feel like she was the most special person on the planet. She allowed him to see many sides of her that not many people had ever seen, and she allowed herself to feel many things that she never thought she'd be capable of feeling. He made her feel alive.
She couldn't blame him for the feelings that still lingered between him and his ex, but she also couldn't blame herself for the unbearable pain that it caused her. For once, she just wanted to be enough. She didn't want to feel like she was the next best thing, or the alternative choice. She didn't want to be the person who Jeremy settled with since he couldn't be with his one true love. All she wanted was for something to work out in her life full of plain, unfortunate events. She finally felt like Jeremy was the foundation for that, but she was wrong. She was wrong, and it haunted her.
All she could remember thinking when Elena had told her about Jeremy and Anna's kiss was the fact that she wasn't good enough for him. She could never compare to the impact that Anna, and even Vicki, left on him. She had the potential to make him happy, but she wasn't the one. As much as she tried to deny it, her feelings for him were greater than his in return could ever be.
She didn't even realize the slow tears that were sliding down her face as an urgent knock sounded from her door. She looked down at the Grimoire before averting her eyes to the door. Through the translucent curtain that hung over the window, she could make out the outline of a tall, thin figure. She could recognize that build from anywhere; it was Jeremy.
"Go away," she whispered, closing her eyes. She couldn't face him; it was too soon to try to deal with her emotions in front of him. She knew that she wasn't strong enough to face him. "Go away," she repeated, softer this time. His knocks became heavier, and more frequent.
"Bonnie, I know you're in there! Please, I really want to talk to you. Please, Bonnie…" he pleaded. She could sense the desperation in his tone, and it broke her; it left her completely shattered. Her heart was begging her to throw the door open and drag him inside, holding him close to her chest to ensure that he'd never get away from her again. Her heart was yearning for the love of her life. Despite everything she was feeling, there was that little warning sign in her head that willed her against it. She squeezed her eyes shut even tighter, allowing another tear to ease it's way down her chestnut cheek.
"Go away," she cried, listening as the tree branches began to rattle against the windows. The wind was picking up, and the once clear skies were being replaced with large, black clouds. Her magic was beginning to interfere with her feelings, but she couldn't stop it. She could feel Jeremy's panic at the change of atmosphere, but she didn't care. She just wanted him to leave.
"Bonnie!" he cried, knocking with all of his might. Something about the crucial tone of his voice made her intent to get rid of him fade away.
She opened her eyes, and listened as the storm instantly died down. She took a deep breath and rose to her feet, her bottom lip quivering. She wasn't prepared for what was about to take place, but she was going to have to face this situation sooner or later. The longer she dwelled on the inevitable, the longer she allowed her emotions to consume her.
She took slow strides toward the door, silently praying that her Grams happened to be currently watching over her. She didn't know if she'd be able to make it through this without her.
By the time she reached the door, Jeremy was raising his fist to knock once more. She quickly swung the door open, watching as his facial expressions shifted greatly.
"Hi," he breathed, slowly stuffing his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. Bonnie sucked in a breath, willing herself not to cry. She and Jeremy hadn't uttered a single word to each other in over a week, and being face to face with him after so long was overwhelming.
"Hi," she finally responded. She could see the guilt and shame in his eyes, which made the situation even worse in Bonnie's perspective. He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it. She narrowed her eyes, confused at what was taking place in front of her. Had he come all of that way just to stare at her?
"Look, Jeremy," she began, a heavy sigh following her words. He held up his hand to interrupt her, his urgency returning.
"Before you say anything, I just need you to know this. I can't stop thinking about you, and everything that's happened. You don't understand how sorry I am for the pain I've caused you, Bonnie. Hurting you was the last thing that I've ever wanted to do. I was dumb, and I wasn't thinking clearly when I did what I did. I just need you to know how much I miss you. I really want to try to make this work, I do…" he said, whispering the last part. Bonnie's lips parted as she tried to process everything that he said.
Truthfully, there was nothing that she wanted more than to try and make it work. If, in some shape or form, there was a way for them to get past everything that tore her apart, she'd run toward the opportunity. As much as she hated to admit it, she wouldn't be able to pretend that everything was going to be okay. She wasn't going to be able to get over the fact that the only reason why she was with him in the first place was because he couldn't be with her. She couldn't act like everything could go back to the way things were, because they couldn't; there were scars in their relationship. She loved him, without a doubt. She knew he cared a great deal about her, but she valued herself as a person much more than most people gave her credit for. She knew what she deserved, and even though she desperately wanted Jeremy to be hers, he never would be; not entirely.
"I can't," she whispered, the lump in her throat threatening to swallow her whole. She watched as his face fell, the hurt clear in his eyes. "I just can't right now, Jeremy. It hurts… I'm hurt. I've had to come to realization with a lot of things between us, and it kills me every time I think about it. Every time I think about… how I'll never be able to compare to Anna, to Vicki…" she choked out, her tears threatening to spill over. "I'll never be your first choice, Jeremy."
Jeremy opened his mouth to rebuttal, but Bonnie stopped him. They both knew that what she was saying was painfully true. He couldn't help the feelings that would always be there when it came to Anna and Vicki, and no matter how much he cared for Bonnie, it wasn't fair to her to have to take on a relationship with someone whose heart laid with someone else—dead, or alive.
"I'm so sorry, Bonnie," he whispered, taking a step back. "I truly am." There was nothing else that he could say to justify the aching realization that sat between them. He gave her one last, painful stare before disappearing from sight.
"I'm sorry too," she whispered, staring into the vacant air. "I love you, Jeremy," she cried, easing her way into the house before collapsing to her knees.
For the first time in forever, she allowed herself to let it out. After trying to be strong for so long, she was finally fed up with pretending. She was going to cry, and cry some more, until those tears gave out.
"I'm right here, child," a soft voice let out. Bonnie gasped, looking up at the dim figure that stood in front of her.
"Grams?" Bonnie whispered, her sobs vibrating through her. The older woman smiled warmly, crouching down to Bonnie's level.
"I'm right here," she repeated. Bonnie knew that it was most likely a figment of her imagination, but she was going to enjoy it for as long as it lasted.
"I need you, Grams," she cried, linking hands with the woman. Grams reached up and wiped away a few of Bonnie's continuous tears, giving her another sincere smile; Bonnie missed how beautiful she was.
"You are strong, Miss. Bennett; believe me, it runs in the family," she said, laughing a bit. Bonnie allowed herself to smile, reveling in the fact that she could actually hold a conversation with her Grandmother. "You will make it through this. Just know that I'm always here, watching over you. You're going to be okay, sweet heart. I promise."
And just like that, she was gone. Bonnie's tears returned, but they weren't as angry as before. She felt her Grandmother's presence, and she knew it wasn't just her imagination; the spell finally worked. All she needed to hear were those words from the person that meant the most to her.
She smiled to herself, taking a deep breath. Of course it hurt now, and it would probably take a while for that pain to go away, but she was going to be okay. As her Grandmother said, the Bennett witches were strong.
Bonnie knew she'd be brave enough to overcome even the most painful obstacle in her life.
Author's Note: Thanks for reading; reviews are much appreciated! XOXO, folks!