Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Disney's or any fairy tale
This is my first fan fiction, so please review!
The Story of Lauren's Very Busy, Rather Scary and Possibly Fatal Day;
inclusive of the reason why you should never say the devil's name in vain, go visit your sick grandmother, collect shells on the beach, or really get up at all
BANG! CRASH!
"Oh, my god! What's the hell's happening?!?!" Lauren cried. Pain was filling her whole body, slipping under the covers to squish between her second and middle toes, sliding up to fill her belly button, twirling cat-like around her neck trying to enter her head. It bumped impatiently at her eyelids, trying to find a way to sneak in. Finally it gave them up as a bad job, and realised it could enter quite easily through her nose and mouth, and shot joyfully up to her brain, to give her the Biggest Headache In History.
"Ahhhhhhherrrrrrrrrrrrrrr," Lauren croaked. "I'm in soooooooo much pain! The devil must be after me!"
"It's me." said the voice that was unmistakably her mother. "Get up. Now. You've got to visit you grandmother. She's sick. Again."
A few hours later, dressed in a bright red cape, Lauren was skipping merry along, the pain of the early morning getting up process (it was only 10 am, after all! She missed out on two hours sleep!) totally forgotten. She was looking for the wild chocolate muffins that grew in the area to give to her sick grandmother. She eventually came across a cottage made out of what she first thought was gingerbread. A closer examination told her that it was, in fact, banana bread. She was still staring in amazement at the iced roof when three bears came out of the yellow front door.
The biggest bear said "The next person we eat, we'll have to make sure is a little less scrawny than that witch woman."
"And less hairy than that golden girl who was with her!" added the youngest bear.
Lauren screamed and ran into the wood. The bears were coming after her, gaining ground, when her foot caught on a massive rabbit hole. It was so big that Lauren fell straight down it, but small enough that the bears couldn't follow.
As Lauren fell she felt a strange feeling on her bare arms and legs. It was as if the darkness was a heavy, velvety treacle she was slowly sinking through. A lose tooth was sucked from her mouth and lost to the shadowy hole. When she finally reached the bottom, she lay panting in the dark, trying to find her bearings.
The first thing she noticed was that she couldn't see anything. The second was the growing heat. Then, to her relief, a light appeared in the dark, followed by more. Lauren realised that they were actually little fires. When she could see what was around the fires, her relief vanished. They were hideous monsters! She opened her mouth to scream and was cut off as a ring of fire surrounded her. Through the flames she could see a dark shape. Straining her eyes, she drew back in alarm as the shape suddenly came into focus. The thing in front of her was very tall and the reddish brown colour of dried blood. Its eyes were glowing like embers in a fire and its maniac smile showed her its sharp pointy teeth and forked tongue. But, worst of all, it had two horns on top of its head, a barbed tail and a black pitch fork. Lauren drew in a large breath, choked because of the thick smoke, drew in another more carefully, and screamed.
She continued to scream as the heat grew more intense, when suddenly she felt tiny but strong hands grip her cape. Her feet left the ground and she felt wings beating around her ears. Lauren flew through countless tunnels before she distinguished a pinprick of light, which rapidly widened until she saw a brilliantly glittering azure sea, bordered by a warm, sandy beach. She was dropped lightly onto the sand and turned in time to see a tiny person dressed in white with silvery wings fly off into the blue sky. She opened her palm and found a found coin in it. The tooth fairy had saved her!
She sighed in relief. Now she had to get home. She decided to walk along the beach, as there was nothing else to do.
While walking on the white sand, feet splashing in the cool water, Lauren noticed a pretty, curly, pink shell. Bending down to pick it up, her foot slipped on a piece of jellyfish. Down she went, into a current far stronger than it appeared on the surface. Gasping for breath, Lauren was swiftly swept from the shore, into deep water. She started to panic. The water was cold and dark. There was a splash and she spun to see a grey fin coming towards her. She began to thrash wildly and cry. Something grabbed her arm. Lauren screamed.
"Hush, little girl. We won't hurt you." A head emerged, full of wild, long, red hair. A kind face, with ivory skin and full red lips. Lauren looked down to find the female wearing a purple top made from shells and where legs should have been there was a green, scaly tail.
The mermaid said, "I can help you get to an island, if you grab hold of Flipper."
Where the grey fin had been a dolphin surfaced.
The two towed Lauren to a tropical island and left her on the shore before swimming away. Lauren then curled up on a rock and began to cry. She was cold, w et, hungry, tired and she wanted to go home.
"Girl, why are you crying?" asked a boy's voice floating somewhere above her.
Lauren rolled over and gasped. A young boy dressed in green with vines wrapped around him was hovering over her. A golden fairy was fluttering by his shoulder, glaring down at her.
"What's wrong?" he curiously asked again.
"I want to go home," Lauren sniffed.
"I can help you, if you like," the boy offered. "Where do you live?"
"It's a long way away. All the way to New York." She answered. "If it's too far –."
"Easy, I can take you there."
"How?"
"We'll fly, of course."
"But…how?"
"Fairy dust. Here." He grabbed the fairy and blew some gold glittering dust onto her. "Think of something happy!"
"Like what?" Lauren could only think about how miserable she was.
"I dunno…Christmas…birthdays…school holidays."
Lauren smiled and gave a little scream as she rose.
"I'm afraid of heights!" she (belatedly) cried.
"Don't worry, I'll protect you." The boy grabbed her hand.
He lead her through the stars (for it was now night) and past the moon. They travelled very fast over land and sea until finally they slowed over a very large expanse of lights.
"There!" Lauren pointed down at a brightly lit castle. The boy set her down in front of her home.
"Thankyou," she said.
"No problem," he jumped into the air and flew away.
Lauren turned towards her golden gates and walked up to their large front doors.
"Good evening, your highness," the doorman bowed and opened the doors.
"Lauren! There you are!" Her mum came striding towards her. "Where have you been?"
"Well–." Lauren started.
"Never mind." Her mum cut her off. "Get dressed. It's almost time for your brothers' weddings."
"Wedding?" Then Lauren remembered. Her four brothers had been travelling the world, and each brought back brides they had rescued (or been rescued by) from various perils.
Lauren recalled that the soon to be Princess Emily had been living with a dozen dwarves in a little cottage when her stepmother had fed her poison. Lauren's brother, Prince Jamie Dwyer (each brother had chosen their own surname) had tried to rescue her at the same time another man, Matthew Haydon. Emily, after saving herself and rescuing the two males, couldn't decide which one to marry, so she decided to have both.
Princess Rhiarna had been trapped in a tall tower for many years, long enough for her hair to grow very long (she had no scissors, and only a butter knife to cut with), until one day a prince from Russia had come riding past. He decided that she was the right person to become his wife. He told her that he wouldn't rescue her unless she agreed to marry him. Rhiarna merely closed her shutters and waited for him to go away. She had waited so long to be rescued, a little more wouldn't hurt. She then heard a great crush and stuck her head outside the window, enraged at being wakened from her sleep. She then saw another prince fighting the Russian one. The Russian one freaked out and bailed, riding fast away on his motorbike. The other prince turned around and introduced himself as Prince Scott Speedman, and said that he wished to rescue her. He then asked if she would "Let down your long hair, so I may use it as a rope to climb to you." Rhiarna did so, and told him to "watch out for the split ends." Once he arrived in the tower, he then realised that there was no way of getting down. While he was stressing over this puzzling point Rhiarna grabbed the spare key hanging behind the door, unlocked it and led the bewildered prince downstairs. After a month of travelling the country together, they decided to get married.
Princess Matilda had a far stranger story (rather like the girl herself). She had been in a forced sleep, induced from spinning. Lauren's brother, Prince Brandon Lee, had recently been involved in a movie where the character, Eric, had been brought back to life by a crow. While filming he suffered what doctors believed was a heart attack, and was assumed dead. Lauren's family were quite surprised when one day he walked in, told them that he was actually alive (though he was a bit vague on the details) and that he had decided to take a holiday in Transylvania, to get away for a while. His mother said that he "Hasn't changed a bit, after his near-death experience", though Lauren noticed that his new interests in death and what comes after were rather different from his old one. And the fact that he dressed in black, had strange (Matilda called it sexy) make-up on, and asked people to call him The Crow, was a dead giveaway that Brandon had changed. Anyway, Matilda was sleeping as though dead and The Crow came along, did some funny stuff involving blood, crows, birds in general, and a lot of time spent under the covers kissing her, and a couple of weeks later Matilda was brought back as his new bride.
Princess Alice had a bit more normal tale. She had been a slave of her stepmother until Prince Michael Jackson had freed her. On the outside the engagement seemed like a happy one, but Alice told Lauren privately that she wasn't happy with Michael's decision to have surgery to turn him all white (understandable, the boy had been born into a relatively white family, so he was a bit uncomfortable that by a strange genetic screw-up he was dark skinned). Lauren thought, as Alice wanted to have plastic surgery to turn her all black, she couldn't talk, but that was the couple's problems to sort out.
Lauren quickly got out of her red cape and changed into something more suitable for four joint weddings. She then grabbed her little sister, Thumbelina and went to meet her new family members.
The four weddings were wonderful, with lots of kissing, crying, dancing, eating and loud, embarrassing, steadily more drunken speeches about the couples, one which almost made Michael walk out on Alice, but he was calmed down and sent to his room to Think About What He'd Done. (He argued that it wasn't about what he'd done, it was what she'd done. He was then knocked out by one of Lauren's uncles, who was particularly fond of Alice. The event was not spoken about for the rest of the night). The best thing of all that happened that night was when Lauren's mum told her that the Prince Jeremy Sumpter was interested in her. She went to bed feeling very happy, almost forgetting her traumatic day. As her head hit the pillow she even wondered if it hadn't all been a dream.
At midnight Lauren woke up, hearing church bells chime. She yawned, then froze as she felt a great intense heat form at the foot of her bed. Something big and shadowy was leering down at her. She rolled over, and screamed.
A/N You know what you wanna do now. Review! Please? I'll give you candy!