Title: I dreamed a dream
Author: Macavity
Pairing: Lisbon/Jane
Disclaimer: Still working on my world domination plans, so until that time, anything The Mentalist isn't mine. I'm not Victor Hugo, so the song isn't mine either. The voices inside my head that had "I dreamed a dream" on repeat sounded a lot like Glee or Lea Salonga, so I don't think they're mine either (pheow!).
Summary: She could sympathize with holding on to something in memory of what has gone.
Special thanks to: Iloveplotbunnies and Mosie, for their awesomeness in beta'ing and coming up with excellent suggestions.
I dreamed a dream
Two theatre tickets. One smoking. One dress.
She couldn't remember the last time she had been to a theatre. Then again, she could barely remember the last time someone had taken her out.
They took their seats, the curtains raised. She felt at ease. Hightower told her it would do her good, after all that had happened. She may have been right.
The songs moved her, made her feel feelings she hadn't felt in a really long time. She smiled at the blonde sitting next to her.
XXX
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
Her childhood was blissful and she never could have dreamt that it would be any different. Growing up in the Midwest, it was a treat when the six of them took a trip to the beach.
"Mom! Dad! look!" Tommy opened his hands, "Shelves!"
Dad couldn't stop laughing.
I dreamed that love would never die
With three younger brothers, she was quite the tomboy herself; climbing trees, learning to skateboard, trading baseball cards with the neighborhood kids. Still, she was her mom's favorite, her little girl, and they spent a lot of time together; brushing each others' hair, applying make-up, Teresa wearing her mom's dress and walking in her heels.
"You will grow up to be a beautiful woman, you will find a loving man and marry him. I can't wait to see you walking down the aisle and your dad giving you away"
A drunken driver changed everything.
Including her dad.
But she never stopped loving him.
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
XXX
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
She was tough, she was fearless, she was Agent Lisbon.
"to develop a nationwide capacity to provide a rapid, effective, and measured investigative response to crimes against children"; upon graduation, she wanted to join the Crimes against Children unit. She believed that no child should had to go through what she had gone though. Joining this unit was her new dream; she had something to live for, and she thrived.
Telling her boyfriend was the worst mistake she could make.
"You graduated second best, there is only one vacancy at the CAC, and it's mine."
She had nothing left to lose.
There was no ransom to be paid
She joined the San Francisco Police department. It was hard work, but she loved it.
She reported to Samuel Bosco, a very perceptive and charming young man.
He gave her back her faith; in life, in love.
Even though it remained platonic between the two of them, it didn't remain platonic between her and her partner.
Closed case tequilas were a messy business sometimes.
No song unsung, no wine untasted
XXX
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
"This isn't Red John. Red John thinks of himself as a showman, an artist. He has a strong sense of theater. In all of the previous killings, he made sure that the first thing that anyone sees is the face on the wall. You see the face first and you know. You know what's happened and you feel dread. Then, and only then, do you see the body of the victim..."
She wondered whether this was what happened to him; after all, he was the one with first-hand experience. Coming home to see the red face on the wall, and then his wife and child slaughtered beneath it; she shuddered by the thought of it. When she looked away she noticed something—his wedding band, still on his finger. She reached for her own necklace, the familiar touch of the cross in her fingers. She could sympathize with holding on to something in memory of what has gone.
In the weeks that passed she wasn't sure whether he was brought on as a consultant, or as a trouble maker. He was childish, arrogant, out of control, annoying, took too many risks, and undermined her authority.
But he was also very charming and had a smile to die for.
"Don't fret; I wouldn't seduce you over a meal. That'd be very sophomoric."
"I didn't think you were trying to seduce me."
"Come on, how could that thought not have entered your head?" He smiled, "Your denial that it did intrigues me."
"Bite me", she said, but couldn't resist to smile.
As they tear your hope apart
"He was here. He was right here," they came so close.
"What if Hardy had killed you right here?" she asked, unsure where this conversation would lead to. "And then he would have led you straight to Red John," Jane replied calmly.
"You'd be dead."
"But you would have Red John."
"I don't think you mean what you say. I think you choose life." She wasn't sure whether she believed it herself.
"Well you think wrong."
She could feel her heart breaking, her emotions were swinging from hopelessness to anger and back again in the course of a sentence, "No. No, you think wrong. Can't you see there are people who care about you, who need you? You're being selfish and childish. And I want you to stop it."
"I wish that I could, but you know some things you just can't fix. You needn't be angry; it's just the way of the world."
In silence they looked at each other.
In her heart, she agreed.
As they turn your dreams to shame...
XXX
And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
He was still wearing his wedding band, but they became closer; he opened up to her more often, she trusted him more.
She remembered the dance, and she remembered giggling like a schoolgirl when she got home.
There were butterflies; she may not have had the childhood she dreamt of, and perhaps not her dream job either, but he was in arms reach.
He needed time, and she was ready to give him just that.
But there are dreams that cannot be
He still annoyed her though, sometimes even more than she thought she could handle. In the months leading up to the crucial event, it seemed it only got worse; Hightower tried to control Jane through her as if she really were as important to him as she hoped she would be. Not that it mattered, he only seemed to get her into more trouble; a five day suspension and a trip in a cargo container that took them across the border. She sighed by the thought of it; "Why did he keep telling me he would save me? —I don't need to be saved— He is the one that needs saving and he needs to move on."
It stung when he went out with Kristina Frye, but she didn't want or need to show it, she knew he wasn't ready yet.
Not to mention Red John, there was always Red John; lurking around every corner, watching them, she could almost feel his breath. She sensed something coming, something big, and something that would leave them devastated for years to come. Something only Red John could have planned. Then the phone rung.
And there are storms we cannot weather
XXX
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
Six months ago they got a lead in the Red John case.
Bosco was right, he makes mistakes.
The next sets of events were still a blur to her, it all happened so quickly.
Flashes of events, of memories;
Three teams being briefed...
...A storyboard full of victim photos and red smileys...
...Fear among even the most experienced cops ...
...Safety pins being removed, SWAT teams breaking down doors...
...Dead ends, booby traps, men losing their life...
Red John and Jane; eye to eye.
So different now from what it seemed
She thought of the family she once had and the family she thought they would have, one day.
Everything seemed so far out of reach now.
Red John was dead. And so was Jane.
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed
XXX
A tear came from the corner of her eye. She looked to her left, to see whether he had noticed. He hadn't. She moved her hand to his, and squeezed gently.
She learned that sometimes, you have to settle for second best.