It is so much like cutting…
I want to cut
To bleed
To scream
Others won't
Can't
Don't see this side of me
I won't let them
Because then my problems will become their problems,
And we all know life is fucked up enough as it is
Everybody has their issues
Their own personal hell
I choose to cope
To cope by cutting
Slicing
Gashing my arms until the bright blood flows
Funny, in pain I release my pain
In pain I find peace
Find some semblance of serenity
It is my own personal hell
This dark, deep, damning depression
This depression that runs through me
That is me…
I am the pain and the pain is me
I take it in
Absorb it
Relish it
As it takes my pain
Absorbs it
Relives it
I don't want to cut…
Yet it is my release
My peace
My serenity
Recently I have found other… ways
Ways of coping, of dealing with this
This… darkness that claims me
Takes me as its own
Writing, so much like cutting
Raging, sobbing
Grieving and baring my soul
My self
To this paper
To this small, damning, saving release
It frees me, saves me from myself
From what I did
From what I could still do
Writing is my release now
My way of freeing myself from pain
I pour all my thoughts, angers, frustrations, fears
My tears and blood
Into the paper
Into my muse
It washes them away, releasing them in this way
Writing is my new release
Writing is so much like cutting…