I just saw the live previews for most of my stories and fanfiction erased most of my spacers and it's been more than 60 days since I edited the story so just to make all y'all's lives easier, I'm re-typing it out again. Be happy cause my laptop won't let me copy and paste it. So here goes for sore hands!!!
Disclaimer: I was unfortunately a child when J.K. Rowling came up with Harry Potter so I have no claim on it whatsoever. I do, however, own this plot!!
"…I'm the Hogwart's Hat so put me on,
And you will soon find to which house you belong!"
As the sorting hat finished his annual song, the nervous soon-to-be first years lined up to try on the tattered old hat.
About 30 minutes and 43 students later, the school's Headmaster, Dumbledore, stood up and the Great Hall fell silent.
"Welcome all to a spectacular new year! I hope your head's have become sufficiently emptied over your summer break and readied to be filled once again with exceedingly useless information." ("Here, here!" cried a few of the older students enthusiastically.)
Dumbledore chuckled and continued, "Now as customary, I shall announce our new Head Boy and Girl for what promises to be a most entertaining year."
Many faces showed a perplexity at the old man's words and others stared in awe and question as to the grand announcement that was sure to follow.
"And this year's Head Boy and Girl are…."
Ernie Macmillan stood with his chest puffed out, staring down at his fellow students and saying, "Thank you, thank you, I assure you I will do all that is in my power to make sure we nothing goes wrong this year and we learn all that we can!!"
Students all around him turned to the boy in surprise and glared daggers at his announcement that they would soon be learning "all that they could."
The Headmaster looked on with amusement and cleared his throat softly.
The whispers spreading around the room stopped and he in turn addressed the arrogant Hufflepuff.
"I am regretful to tell you, Mr. Macmillan, that though you were one of the prefects considered for the position, you unfortunately were not chosen."
Ernie sat back down, face red and looking ready to cry.
"Ah, now where was I? Oh yes, now the Head Boy and Girl for this year are… Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger! Let's give these exceptionally bright students a round of applause!!"
Draco Malfoy stood scowling whilst a proud Hermione Granger held her head high while lowering her eyes in a humble gesture.
Few people in the dining hall did not show either fear or anticipation as to what would undoubtedly be "a most entertaining year."
Draco abruptly sat back down after a few seconds only to be jumped and nearly suffocated by his airhead of a girlfriend, Pansy Parkinson.
"Oh how awful Drakie darling! You have to share the Head Dorm with that mudblood cow!! Write to Father right this second and ask for our Headmaster to kick out that thing and replace her with someone much more capable and pretty. Perhaps me."
She had not been referring to her own father but rather Draco's as she was rather certain that she would someday marry the arrogant blonde and it would be easier to start her future-father-in-law by the name that she would inevitable have to call him! Don't you love her reasoning?
Batting her eyelashes, she continued to hug the living daylights out of Draco and mistook his look of distaste and light-headedness as agreement with her plan, Pansy finally unlatched her death grip around his neck and returned to her near empty (to start with) plate, eating "daintily."
Seeing the disgust on his best mate's face, Blaise Zabini did what any other close friend would do.
Laugh.
He held his stomach and nearly fell off the bench as he unceasingly chuckled with mirth at his friend's misery.
"It's not funny!" cried Draco indignantly with frustration.
"Yes…haha… it… wa-… Hashanah… was! You… HA… should have seen the look on your FACE!!!"
Blaise ended with a few more booming chuckles. Now calm (at least calmer than before), he finally turned to give some comfort to the "distraught" man.
"Hey, it's not as bad as you think. That Granger bird was actually fun to work with on that Charms project we had to do last year. She has a sense of humor and really, she isn't hard on the eyes either."
Draco let out a sort of strangled cry and very nearly shouted at Blaise, "Well, if you like her that much, why don't you go ahead and MARRY her!"
The childish comeback was lost on Zabini when he failed to give a sharp retort and the content blonde once again had a pink tinge on his cheeks.
Zabini looked a bit sheepish and replied a bit too seriously for the situation, "Er, I would but I already fancy a girl. You on the other hand can tie the knot with her! Heard she's been unattached since Krum.
"Besides, the two of you are a match made in… well, I wouldn't say Heaven as you both hate each other with a passion. Alright, I guess Hell works as well as any other word. Someone up there must have a cruel sense of humor. Hey, hey! Don't look at me as if I've become the anti-Medusa or some Blast-Ended Skrewt!
"Take a step back and look at the signs! You both are too smart for your own good, both have sharp tongues, a good aim ("Too true," thought Draco while rubbing his cheek subconsciously), you both have a good sense of humor, well, her's is better in my opinion (another scowl from Draco), and both of you are definitely not a sight for sore eyes."
The smirk from Draco made Blaise pause and think about what was wrong with what he just said.
"Not… not that I go that way! I'm definitely into girls… wait, damn, I'm not a pedophile! I'm into girls our age! I'm straight, really! Didn't you hear me talk about the girl I fancy!? She's female!! Straight as a pin I am! I'M NOT A POOF!!!!"
It was Draco's turn to laugh mercilessly at Blaise's hysterics and this, combined with Blaise's deafening cries, brought the attention of many people… including the 'Golden Trio' as many people referred to when the spoke of the famous Harry Potter and his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.
Draco stopped in his laughter momentarily glower at Harry who was glaring back, Hermione, who had a look of annoyance mixed with a bit of curiosity, and Ron who was currently stuffing his face too much to take more than a glance at the Slytherins.
After Dumbledore's annual speech ended, Harry and Ron's protective brotherly side kicked in.
"Hermione, if he even tries to lay a finger on you, we will pummel him, I swear!"
"Yeah! We're bound to do the same anyway but it'll be great to have a reason this time!"
An evil maniacal glint crossed both boy's faces as they imagined the hurt they could bring on the Slytherin albino.
Ginny, sitting beside the three, rolled her eyes, "Just look at this twisted situation positively! For example, think of all the times you can catch him in a towel!"
A look of pure terror and disgust covered the brunette's face.
"Hey, he may be a self-centered, rude, annoying, bigoted, arrogant git, but you have to admit, he does have a dreamy bum!"
By now Hermione looked positively green as though she might puke if any other reference to the arse's arse was made.
"I wouldn't say no to having a peek at Zabini's either and since those two are nearly inseparable, you will get to see both, you lucky, lucky witch."
Indeed, many witches all around the four were shooting her envious looks.
Heads once again turned to the Slytherin table when loud and raucous laughter sounded and reverberated off the walls of the Great Hall.
Of course, many people, both male and female alike, already had their eyes on Draco but for different reasons.
The girls were staring because the blonde man was supposedly the most sought after male in the school given his looks, charms, and vast inheritance. The men around the room, however, were looking at the Malfoy heir in a 'You shall die for getting my girl to lust after you' sort of way.
Hermione chanced it and snuck a look at Draco's bum to see if it was really just as great as Ginny described it.
'Staring. Still staring. Nope, just like any other bum out there,' Hermione thought to herself. 'Well, it might be a bit dreamy if only there wasn't a conceited head growing on the opposite end.'
Her head snapped up and she reddened slightly when she realized she got caught staring at the handsome now smirking man chuckling with a boyish demeanor at a fumbling Blaise Zabini still shouting, "NOT A POOF!!"
Finally, dinner ended and students began filtering out into the halls and corridors, too tired and sleepy to think much.
At one point the Slytherins and Gryffindors crossed paths and who were at their heads but the Head Boy and Girl (showing the little midgets to their dorms once again).
"Move, Granger," Draco said roughly.
"You move you prick," Hermione growled as Draco tried to shove past her.
Surprisingly, Draco looked a bit proud and haughty at her words and replied with, "I try, I try," before thrusting his way past her.
He took a few steps then stopped and slowly turned around.
"By the way, Mudblood, I always wanted to know, why do you wear a bra when there is nothing to fill it with?"
Gasps from the Gryffindors could be heard when Draco, still smirking, called their Head Girl flat chested. Yet… she looked as calm as ever. As if she had been waiting for a moment like this to finally come.
"Well you cold-blooded prick," she said just as serenely as before though wearing a small smirk as she replied, "why do you wear pants?"
And with that, she spun on her heel and continued walking forward with a laughing and cheering Gryffindor crowd in tow, leaving a speechless and utterly humiliated man behind.
"How could that little bitch say something like that to me! I come from a highly prestigious long line of respected purebloods and that little know-it-all mudblood just prances around like I am her equal!
"My blood is pure! PURE! Pure I tell yo-"
"Yes Draco, we have all heard of the 'pureness' of your blood and your oh so great line of dead ancestors. Gee! (snicker) Well, you have to give her some credit. That was one nasty comeback! (laughter)
"She made you speechless! (peals of laughter) You should have seen your face! HA!"
Draco became red in the face and looked as if he would strangle anything within a five foot radius.
"She's never even seen it before so how would she know how big it is?" said a disgusted Draco.
Roaring laughter came from Blaise now, "HAHA! WHY DO YOU WEAR PANTS! HA!"
It took nearly fifteen minutes for the Italian to calm down but to Draco's dismay, he started up again with another thought.
"What if she didn't mean Draco Jr.? (said boy scowled at this) What if sh- she m- HA-ment your ARSE CHEEKS!!"
He was rolling on the floor now, clutching his sides and repeating, "It hurts! It, hahaha, h-hurts!!!"
If looks could kill, Blaise Zabini would have been dead and brought back a fifty-one times by now.
Unfortunately, this 'gift' was only extended to the Basilisk and, at that moment, none were available due to their slight tendency to kill anyone around them who looked into their eyes.
Full of dismay and anger, Draco Malfoy left his hyperventilating friend on the ground of the Slytherin common room and trudged reluctantly to the Head Dorm.
He only hoped it was late enough so that the 'creature of the swamp' had gone to bed by now.
Once he said the password, Foie Gras (whatever that ment), the stone wall slide open a gorgeously decorated common room filled with leather armchairs and dark cherry wood furniture.
"Hmph! Better write Father about re-furnishing this dump," muttered Draco.
The common room seemed empty but a faint humming could be heard from the side of the large space.
With further investigating, Draco found Hermione, covered in flour and currently rolling out dough in a spacious kitchen connected to the commons.
Seeing some divine smelling tarts laid out on a decorative plate on the side, Draco then proceeded to eat a few to make himself feel better.
"Yum! They're delicious. Obviously the Mudblood didn't bake these because, just as witches can't properly fly brooms, mudbloods can't cook for their lives. They must have been left by a house elf," he thought whilst devouring a few more.
Feeling a bit better after ingesting the sugar, he decided that playing his favorite game, torment Granger, was in order.
She had yet to notice his presence, her back turned towards him, hips swaying to whatever she was humming and still rolling out some dough.
He knew that in the past, Hermione had simply detested (to put it lightly) their old DADA professor, Umbridge, so he decided to give her a 'bit' of a scare.
He crept up until he was right behind her and loudly said into her ear in a high pitched feminine voice, "Hem, hem!"
Hermione shrieked, to his pleasure, but then spun around and hit whom she presumed to be the old hag over the head with the heavy rolling pin and on the arm with a blunt-edged baking pan.
Draco, not expecting the attack from the 'crazy person', crumpled to the floor in a heap, Hermione standing over him, nostrils still flaring, only to realize who the person was and what she had done to him.
"Uh oh," she said out loud and bent down to examine her handiwork.
A smidgen of blood trickled down his arm (blame the girl's inhuman strength) and a bump the size of a bludger was starting to rise from his head.
Feeling a teensy bit guilty, she half carried, mostly dragged Draco to one of the couches and began to heal his wounds.
His arm was easy to fix but a large bruise was left that promised to stay a few weeks. The swelling from the rolling pin blow went down but she was afraid she had succeeded in giving him a concussion.
After all, the wooden rolling pin was fairly heavy and she had exerted much more force than necessary, thinking it was the notorious Dolores Umbridge behind her using her well known 'hem-hem' throat clearing line.
As she was patching Draco up, she started apologizing and ranting.
"Oh, Malfoy! I'm sorry! I thought you were Umbridge! Though you are a bloody prick for scaring me half out of my m- Malfoy? Malfoy!! Draco?"
She even used his first name to try and get the boy to speak.
"Uh, oh," she thought.
Uh oh was right. She had completely knocked him out with her book-carrying strength and that good aim Blaise had talked about.
She panicked for a good ten minutes trying to get him to come to.
She tried 'lightly' slapping both his cheeks, violently shaking his shoulders, and pouring a bucket of ice cold water on him but to her alarm, none of these worked.
After drying him off with her wand, she thought, "Wait a second. My wand, of course!"
She used it to poke his stomach a few times but that failed too.
Hitting herself on the forehead after that clearly stupid attempt from the girl who was supposed to be the 'brightest witch of her time,' she then muttered a, "Reneverate!" and Draco stirred.
"Malfoy? Talk to me!"
He opened his eyes slowly, silver globes staring at her.
"Mother?"
"Oh dear."
Well, there you have it! The new and improved chapter. My fingers really were sore last night and for some reason, fanfic didn't let me upload this. Please review and I swear, I'm really working on the next chapter. So don't waste time and click on that button!! REVIEW, FAVORITE, ALERT!!!!! Love you all, Nymphicus