A/N: Well, I'm pretty sure this is the stupidest thing I've ever written. Inspired by a tumblr post about the John Mulaney comedy skit called - you guessed it - "The Salt and Pepper Diner." It's also called "What's New Pussycat" in some places. Look for the video on Comedy Central, right this second, before you read this, as it is truly the greatest story ever told. 400 words. Enjoy.

"Jim, this is idiotic."

And if the captain heard even a word of what the doctor was saying, he didn't show it. His eyes stayed glued to the screen in front of him, and McCoy's hand on his arm, in a passive attempt to guide him away from the machine, was far from enough to break his focus.

"Jim –"

"Ah, shut up, Bones, this is going to be great."

"Unbelievable, you are… how many times are you going to punch that damn song in?"

Kirk glances once at the sign above the jukebox and throws a big, toothy grin his friend's way, deciding that, "Well, it's three plays for a credit, right? Therefore…" before shoving a few more coins through the slot and continuing to input a few more repeat commands.

"Seven credits, are you serious? Twenty one plays of –"

"It's gonna be great, Bones, just watch."

And McCoy did watch, muttering quietly under his breath as Jim kept typing and typing, the captain's fingers moving like lightning over the holographic keys. And finally, with a heavy sigh that seemed indicative of his exasperated disbelief, the doctor tapped on his best friend's shoulder and mumbled quietly into his ear with a seriousness in his voice that forced Jim to finally glance his way for more than a second.

"Hey, wait," McCoy said, hesitating only slightly. The hint of mischief in his tone was small enough so Jim could only hear it if he leaned in and listened extra carefully. "Before you punch in another What's New Pussycat… let's drop in one It's Not Unusual…."

The booming laugh that Jim let out made him smile wide, and he was rewarded with a slap to the back of his shoulder.

"Bones, you are a genius!" the man giggled before doing as he was told, and only another minute passed before Tom Jones' most irritating hit was set to play, over and over. And over. And over, with just a small interruption by yet another Tom Jones classic. God, the entire restaurant was going to absolutely hate them for this, and with good reason.

And with more than a few of the restaurant workers eyeing them with suspicion, they took their seats, ordered, and waited. In just a few more seconds, the afternoon would go from good to great as the jukebox started to play.

And the song began very subtly…

A/N: Bwaaaaahhh, WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT. I don't know, review if you'd like. I'm not funny. Might take this down later, I don't know haha.