I was sitting on the tailgate of my truck, taking a little snooze in the afternoon. That's when I first saw him. He was over about few yards away, but even with that I could see him glow. He smiled along with another kid - they were playing. I noticed him in the light, and I let his image fill my days. I was only looking for an excuse. He gave me a way out of these boring days. I wished it could go on that, but what kind of fuck-up would I be if I let it.

He appeared out of nowhere one day while I was pulling weeds - so you know I was pissed as shit. He was crouching and looking like a frog. I held my tongue and watched for a moment, the summer sun baking my skin.

"rrrrrribbt"

I continued watching, dazed. Oh gods no.

"rrrrrribbt!"

please no

"rrrrribb-"

"You'd better go before I gouge your eyes out little boy."

"I'm a frog. Frogs don't have eyes."

"What? Yes they do..."

"No! They have robot lasers that will blast you if you try."

oh mother-loving piece of shit.

"Go!" He actually hissed in response. I stood up right before him, and he'd apparently not expected me to be so tall. Good, I'll intimidate the shit outa him. He just stared. When I repeated myself in a loud and low command he looked like he shivered, but then he just smiled.

"Are you a giant!"

"Whagh" Was the noise that fell out of my mouth.

"You're a giant TREE MAN! AAAAGGG"

"W... god."

He continued screaming as he ran away back towards the playground. I looked up at the sun for just a moment, grimacing and making a display of despising it and all it's life-giving bullshit before grappling on.

The following years were just like that. The kid kept interrupting me and occasionally helped me work. He'd swing and jump around, and eventually he told me his name was Roxas. I told him mine, but he always called me Knuckles. I got so pissed when I realized he was referring to a literal fucked up animal from a videogame. What pissed me off more is that he'd always want to play. At the time, I was sixteen. I wasn't totally out of that level of energy, and I actually tried once. I figured afterwards that he'd get bored and leave, which he did. He left and came back again and again, each time his gaze taking in less light than before. He seemed to become darker, and I eventually stopped seeing him altogether.

That was until I was twenty-two. I never hung around the skate park we'd annexed a large park from the city because the kids were always too intense. I let them have their fun and of course I was paid to clean it up.

When I first saw him though, I just kinda reconsidered. Of course, he had his shirt off. I didn't immediately connect that he was who he was, but I just marveled at how strong he looked for his size. His stance when standing still was so solid, but his movements betrayed that and made him glide along the edges of the pipe. His whole body would go into every move, every trick stuck. I heard his name called and a shock shot through my back. I cracked my neck and smiled - how shocking could a change in someone be that even your body recoiled.

I was supposed it was some fucked up kind of fate, but I shrugged it off. I had work to do. The day went on - I was carrying soda and beer cans out of where there'd been a party on a barbeque flat. My co-worker Xigbar barely helped - he always just complained about how fucked up his life was. I'd learned real sarcasm from him - and what a tremendous role-model he was too. Maybe one day I could wear an eye-patch and finally be as cool as him.

Xigbar wanted to get our next job done instead of taking a break - go figure. We had to go pick up lumber somebody had dumped near the edge of the property. They'd thrown it over their fence and forced us to pick it up. We could press charges, but we're a church. We're not so heathenish as to press fucking charges for littering. Naw, that would be un-Christian like.

I would take my five minutes of peace before diving headfirst into the breach thank you.

"Hey."

I turned around and saw him again - he and his skinny jeans hugging thick thighs and an oversized shirt with a picture of a constellation on it. He was all sweaty like he'd just come out of the shower. I could only think that Jesus just needed to take the wheel on this one because my impure mind was quickly being possessed by the devil.

"Well ... here he comes again."

"More talkative now?"

"Not really, just really fucked up and fed up."

"Sorry. With me?"

"...No, with this shitty weather and my shitty job."

"Ah. Need some help."

I turned to him with an extremely malicious smile on my face. "You. You and your sweaty just-killing my kidneys skater ass wants to help me move lumber across a park?"

...That's right motherfucker, don't roll your blunt on my table. This ain't your house.

"You're right, 'cause I have no endurance."

My mind was so sinful that I actually thought of sex. Oh lord let these sweet visions of existentialism-inducing ecstasy be purged from my system before I do something you won't forgive me for.

"You best get before I abuse your generosity."

"Oh yea? You'd abuse me?"

"You must be one motherfucker."

He didn't respond, he just smiled. This kid, I thought, is a fucking boy-trap.

"Fine, you wanna die, follow me."

We traveled for a good solid distance to where I knew a big-ass intimidating as fuck pile of wood was waiting. Xiggy Stardust was already hauling back to our truck - and what luck that we weren't allowed to drive on the grass because we had to drag hundreds of pounds of wood on a blaring hot day by the sheer will of our sweaty genitals. "Oh fuck" is what I heard from behind me. I turned around and found him shirtless.

"Where's your shirt."

"Figured I should go without."

"Where is it."

"The truckbed."

"You might want to toss your expensive-ass shirt where Xiggy or somebody won't steal it."

"Xig- ...He's the other guy?"

"Yes."

"We'll get it when we get back. Are there nails in these?"

"Maybe. I don't know. You'd better get your shirt or you'll splinter up though."

"I can make it back." He hefted up a rather heavy piece, and I had the instinct to help him. "Get your own." He growled as he dragged the thing. I gently dropped the piece and let him drag it off, watching on. I turned and picked up my own, out-hauling him to the truck. He needed help tossing his chunk into the bed. I pushed one of my thicker work shirts into his hands afterwards. He was panting like a sissy and obviously he didn't realize that I wasn't too far behind. "God you must be strong." He said.

"Nah, just practice. Don't worry I'll be pissing my pants by the end of this"

"Pissing what? Blood?"

"Maybe."

We walked on and the kid helped us through a good chunk of the pile, eventually getting to where he could toss the lumber onto the bed himself. After we were done, Xig grumbled and ambled off to the bathrooms. I was quivering on the tailgate and Roxas was resting against the pile. We had a jug of water passing between us, and things were just god awful. I pleaded out loud for shade and Roxas simply kept panting. I tugged his sleeve and he didn't move.

"Shade, over here."

"I can't move."

"Yeah you can, come on."

"Please?"

"What. You want to stay in the sun?"

He opened his eyes and glared, and then held a hand out. I took it and he drew me in until his arm was around my shoulder.

"I must be carried. His Blondeness demands."

"His Blondeness! I can only oblige."

I took his other arm over my shoulder and hoisted him up. I got extremely dizzy very quickly and tried to put him back down gently but failed miserably. We both grunted.

"Yea, I don't think this is gonna happen."

Roxas just started laughing, slinging an arm over his eyes. "Oh god, I'm going to be so shell-shocked tomorrow."

"You? What about me? I've been working all day."

"I've been skating all day."

"Yea, that must really take the piss out of you."

"And how it does. I might not even be able to go to school."

"God, what will your parents say. They'll come down and complain."

Rox looked over at me beside himself and quirked a little smile looking me up and down. "Don't worry, I'll talk them out of it."

"Let's hope so." I stood back up and tried a second time, and this time I was able to hoist him over my extremely sore shoulder and make it half way before Roxas took pity on my panting heaving self and walked the rest. We could barely even sit down right.

"I feel so fucking old."

"Can you imagine that -my hair would turn some more shitty color but yours would be exactly the same. You'd probably get your growth spurt finally as consolation for those first 70 years. Imagine, finally being able to reach the cupboard!"

Roxas started laughing loudly - one of those ones where it gets squeezed out by your stomach muscles and you feel like you just did a ton of pushups afterwards, or at least it seemed that way by Roxas' sickened gurgle that followed.

"Oh shit, you gonna puke."

"I feel like it. Shit I shouldn't be generous, this is horrible."

I thought for a moment before coming to a conclusion. I turned to him.

"That's just about the kindest thing I've seen anybody do in a long time - what you helped us do. I really can't thank you enough. You want a smoothie."

Roxas made a sound like he a girl faking it in some bad porno. "God yes, you know me so well." He broke down laughing when he saw the look on my face.

"Dude, you should be careful - that's the pedo mating call don't you know."

"Yea?" He started making the sound more, and before I relished it I slapped a hand over his mouth a little too hard, giggling madly. "Don't ... Stop oh shit please."

"What, can't handle it? Can't handle my sexy voice."

"Oh, that is prostitute-level shit to be sure, no it's getting arrested I don't want."

Roxas looked so confused, and I was almost confused with him before I figured it out.

"Dude, it's statutory rape."

"You're older than I thought. and it wouldn't be rape."

"How old do you think I ... what the fuck do you mean 'not rape'?"

"I mean you don't seem like that kinda guy."

"Really, because I've been told I'm pretty coke-addict esque."

"Oh no doubt - just not rapey."

"Well I'm happy you believe in me."

He smiled for a moment looking at his feet with a little smile. "Yes, I believe in you, Señor Axél" He got up and started to stretch - and I was getting a really sweet look at his ass when Xiggy called out looking for me. My brain immediately panicked, as it had realized quicker than I did apparently that pedophilia is actually a thing I was unconsciously engaging in. Well ... maybe not unconsciously.

"Hey man, I'll see you later."

"Yea, I'll see you." He responded as I walked off, not sparing another glance to the monstrosity of my existence. God, how fucked up and weak can I be?

"Ay, what about the ice cream?" I called out to him. He slowly turned and scratched his head. "That's alright. Later."

The next thing I knew, the kid was back in my life like a leach - and he was a kid, I had to remind myself. He told me he was fifteen with the waggle of an eyebrow, and I groaned internally. Christ, not even close to legality Axel - back the fuck off. And I would valiantly try, but the kid would just sit too close, touch too much, suggest beyond his capacity to follow through. He was intense, but not in nearly the same way as the others. He wasn't a douche - he wasn't a tool; although he seemed to surround himself with people who were.

I met his friends Hayler and Onnete ... or I think that was it. Roxas told me he had another good friend who never stepped foot in the open sun, and I quipped that he was smart not to do so. Roxas was the only one crazy enough to come out during these summers - and he even seemed to gain vitality from it instead of having his blood boil and solidify in his veins like yours truly.

He'd help every other day with odd jobs, but it seemed to be more of an excuse to be around and talk with me - but I never ever let it go to my head not once because that would mean he valued my existence and that was horribly unhealthy for my libido and also my criminal record. I kept things amicable and tight, not going beyond what he instigated. He would rest against me or do something else slightly tripping that line of platonic behavior, but I figured he wasn't gay due to his extremely masculine and stern vibe. He wasn't open in the slightest I found. Other guys would come around and he'd be pretty tight-lipped with them, but with me we'd be spouting dick jokes and brutal sarcasm until sunset. Xiggy took to coming out and turning right back around when he'd see Roxas, figuring he didn't need to do work if there was free labor taking his place and I shut up about it. Why wouldn't I - my perfectly platonic work partner and I could do perfectly without some middle-aged creep grumbling about his unfair life.

I didn't hate Xiggy, but he's a pretty hard ass to penetrate if you seek the soft core of humanity within.

It was late afternoon one day - and Roxas was really tired. Something about the say had really put him down to the point where I stopped working just so we could talk. I tried really hard to get him to talk, and I found myself being so fake just to help him feel like he could open up to me. Suffice to say I was pissing my pants with worry. I offered to take him home finally and he simply grunted. When we got into the truck, I started on the way to his house. He said it was close, and I knew the area pretty damn well. So when he pointed to a turnoff into a neighborhood right where a burger joint was, I turned in there instead. He stayed silent. I told him to stay in the car and I'd get him something. He gave me his order and returned a few minutes later to find him with the door open, legs dangling out of the car. I came up and put the cold smoothie against the back of his neck.

And then he started crying.

Hard

I only felt totally awkward for a moment before he reached out and grabbed me up into a tight hug. I put the bags behind him and returned the gesture, massaging the nape of his neck and stroking my hand through his hair alternatively.

"It's ok, Rox. I'm here, ok? I'm here for you, just give it to me I'll take it. Let me take it so you don't have to."

There was a moment between my ranting where I was trying to figure out what I could say when he chose to grumble. "There's no way."

"What." I moved back a little to free his face up.

"There's no way you can take it - it's my goddamn load to bear."

After that stern concession, I didn't know how I could respond. I just stood shock for a few moments while he broke contact and made to close the door. I brought both of my hands to his bicep and squeezed gently. "Rox." He didn't look at me, so I went under his arm and took his cheek in my hand. He grimaced like he wanted to break out into tears again, and I stroked a thumb across his cheek. I saw him about to swat me away and I moved preemptively, taking both my hands and twisting his face so his eyes were forced to mine for just a moment, and I leveled him with the most intense gaze I could muster. I was going to try and say something, but I just left it out and stayed there, staring at him. I didn't know what this was, but he was not going to tell me what I could and could not take. I ruffled his hair and gently closed the door behind me.

When we came up to his house, he was still looking distantly out the front glass. I came around to open his door. When he didn't move, I gently touched his hand and whispered his name. He immediately turned to me with certain expressionless panic that could only be seem in his eyes - like it was more of a hope or possibility that he felt could change things for him. "Can I stay with you." It wasn't a question.

"What? Your parents will come looking for you."

"No they won't." He choked out the end of that sentence like he was about to vomit. I touched a hand to his stomach and he looked forward, silently whispering still.

"Please."

"No, Roxas. Maybe if you ask - you can stay?"

He said nothing, but just pushed my hand away and walked to his house. I watched his enter his house. He didn't look back, and he didn't say anything. I got in the truck and looked down where he'd left his burger and smoothie. I didn't understand.

He didn't talk to me, he just hung around and watched me work. I talked to him about shit in my life, trying to provoke a response of any kind. He asked for my phone number one day, and I told him in return that if he ever had an emergency that all he had to do was call me - no questions asked. He nodded and took it. I noticed he was letting his hair grow out, but I said nothing. In the time I'd known him, he'd gone from a crew cut to a semi-average crop-top to this stage of fucked-up ed-ness that was probably the best of the three. I didn't dare vocalize it though.

The winter had started to set in and it was darker for longer now - but the temperature during the day was only about ten degrees lower. Fuck this town.

The skate park never closed, so dudes would be around until three in the morning, and since I'd chosen to come in and do all the work during the nights there wasn't a problem - I'd just come in right behind them and clean up their shit.

One day I'll never forget, I hadn't seen Roxas. It was late into my shift and I was about ready to blow a gasket. Rox had become a venting mechanism for me, and that week of his absence had not been nice to me. So when I finally saw him alone in the skate park in the dead of a winter night, I didn't say anything stupid - I just drew up beside him and leaned on the fence acting for a moment I was a cool teen like him. After a minute, he simply got up and started walking away. I quietly followed behind, curious. I stopped when we got to the parking lot and noticed he was walking towards the truck. I waited for a little until he turned around and leaned against the bed. I guess he wanted to take him home?

"Hey" is what I drew up the nerve to say when I got close enough. His boney little hands came up and fisted in my button-down, stroking softly and then gripping. His eyes followed his hands and then his head tilted down. He fell into me and just let his head sit against my chest. He wasn't crying - just absorbing silence. His hand came up to the back of my neck and dug into my hair, while his other hand flattened against my shirt and drew up. Ok, a little touchy tonight. I let it go just before he turned his head upward and pulled me down. I didn't know what was happening for a moment, I just felt like I was crouching over. Then a hand was in my pants and I was smiling. I spun and grabbed and flew. For a minute, I was in a drug-induced fantasy where I didn't need to be anywhere with anyone.

And right as Roxas was pulling down my pants and exposing my hard cock was the moment I flew back to. I was just about to say something or do anything when he took me all the way into his mouth, squeezing me with the entire force of his mouth and running his hands up and down while his head bobbed, putting cold wetness around my whole cock and groaning hotly when he jammed my head into the back of his throat. I shivered at the feeling. He did this a few more times, which was all I needed to get where I was going. I stammered dumbly and grabbed at him, humming and alternately trying to articulate how wrong this was before he brought me in for an especially intense series of sensations I'd never felt before.

And there I went - dipping into oblivion again and forgetting that Roxas had an age or parents or legal obligations; and I forgot that the world had rules. But more than that, I knew I could go to jail and I didn't care. I knew they could arrest me and I didn't care.

I temporarily lost my fear of death, because the most attractive thing I'd ever seen - the thing I loved from the inside out, was now swallowing my cum. I felt him do it before licking me clean and standing up. He didn't look at me for a moment, or at least I couldn't comprehend him doing it until he said "Does that clarify a few things for you?"

I couldn't stammer - immediately after saying it he ran over into the foliage and threw up. I zipped myself up and ran over, watching him heave everything out as violent streams of tears rolled down his face. I was panicking worse than I could ever remember. I just held him up and did the only thing I could really do when all the thoughts came to a head. I cried. I apologized over and over and over - I couldn't believe myself or my stupidity; and I never meant for this to happen. I completely broke down, sobbing into his back and waiting for something to kill me so I could face how shit awful I was as a human being. I felt hands touch the arm I had around Roxas' chest, and I started to slow down my cries.

"I wanted to do it."

I heard everything through a pounding headache. At this point - I was skeptical that I wasn't dreaming. "Sorry?"

"I wanted to suck you off."

"I don't understand."

"This ... me throwing up has nothing to do with you. I just - remembered something."

I was about to be stupid and ask a stupid question before my brain finally kicked in and clued me into what I needed to know. I helped Rox sit back and looked at him. He didn't meet my gaze initially, and then he did very sparingly.

"I'm sorry. That was probably really awkward. Did it feel alright."

I chuckled just to lighten things up. "Uh - yea. But that's not the point, why the hell are you throwing up?"

"I told you."

"No, you gave me little to no information whatsoever."

"You're really going to be a hard-ass about this?"

"I've always had a rather firm ass, yes."

Bad joke.

"Look - I'll make you a deal since we've already dipped into illegal activity. You tell me why exactly you just vomited after giving me a blowjob and I'll let you come and stay the night at my place."

Roxas' eyes didn't move and he didn't do anything to react - he just kept his head down. After a couple moments, I stood up and helped Roxas over to the truck. Once inside, we simply sat there for a minute before either of us said anything.

"You won't ever say a fucking word."

"No - I won't."

I sat patiently for a few minutes then - doing nothing.

"He wasn't always ... bad. Just when mom left, he started drinking."

Don't you move a fucking muscle, Axel. Don't blink, don't cough, don't look at him. If you do, you know what'll happen? You'll get angry, fly over to Roxas' house and spill the poor rapist's guts all over the carpet.

"He just really started having these really bad tantrums. He wouldn't even be reasonable, he'd just yell at nothing and tell me to leave. I thought so long as I stayed away from him, I was OK. Then one evening right when I got home from school ... he was really drunk. He made me do things - the stuff I did to you. I just remembered that. You happy to know that or you want me to get out of your fucking car?"

I didn't move - I just grabbed his hand and squeezed gently. I didn't say anything or look at him, I just held his hand and felt him settle back into his seat after a while. I felt him stroke the inside of my hand and as a sincere gesture I brought our hands up so I could kiss his.

"You don't have to say anything, and you don't have to worry about what I think of you, OK. You wanna know why?"

I finally turned to him and stared him down for a minute like I had before. He looked complacent and not really giving a shit, so I had to find a way to unsettle him to get that level-headed fake-ass look of his fucking face.

"Because you're the only thing I've ever actually cared about more than myself - and I'd do shit for your sake that I wouldn't do for anybody."

I held his gaze - and of course he looked away. I didn't let him up for long; I turned his head and gently kissed his vomit-caked lips. I did it to make a point. I held the kiss until he started laughing. I broke off and he threw his head back against the seat.

"Oh my god, you literally just tasted my vomit."

"That I did motherfucker."

"Oh my god, I have so much shit on you it isn't even funny - but that kiss is what could really level your reputation with any single human being. That's probably the most... hilariously disgusting..." He never finished that sentence before he started cackling wildly. I rolled my eyes and started the truck over to where the employee parking was. My little toy car of shame awaited us. Roxas was talking about a phone call with his cousin animatedly, and really I can't say I'd ever been happier in my life. This kid would, by any means, be the utter death of me.

We packed in - I got Roxas some water to rinse himself with and once we got to my ramshackle apartment he was able to use a fresh toothbrush to really get everything off. He told me the obvious - my apartment was 'homey', or code for dingy and shitty as hell but somehow livable and charming in a 'you're probably lying' kind of way.

When Roxas came out of the bathroom, I was already changed out of my work cloths and into an oversized shirt and sweats. The kid didn't take his eyes off me once he'd made his way into the room. He just walked over to where I was sitting on the couch and instead of literally any other thing he could have done, he sat on my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck. He didn't move in immediately, but this devious little smile formed on his face. "Wha... what?" I asked.

"You know how I know you're a good person?" He said, scooting up so he was pretty solid against my obvious erection. I just gave him a confused look and finally brought my hands to gently rest on his thighs. He dove down and kissed me so sweetly, I could've gotten diabetes right then. After that he broke off and put his face against my neck, hugging me close.

"Although you have a massive boner and you really want it, a combination of my knowing you pretty well and the look I just saw on you face tells me you meant it when he said you care about me."

"y...Yeah, and don't forget I also s ... god ... I also said that I'd be willing to do anything, even restrain myself from fondling you into tomorrow?"

Roxas had the nerve to laugh.

"Please stop - I'm not trying to take advantage and after what you told me I really don't want to hurt you."

He must have heard the rigidness and determination in my voice, because he drew back with a concerned expression. He looked on for a minute before sighing and gazing behind me and out the window. "You know I've always wanted to be loved. For the longest time. I'm not desperate, but I know what I want. I've known you for a while, and I want something I won't regret. I won't regret anything you do to me, except you need to ask first ... ok?"

And that wasn't timid or afraid at all. God, I'm probably the only one he's ever allowed himself to talk like that to. I asked him to look at me, by which time I'd gained my senses and was focused entirely on him.

"What I want ... is to wait. I want us to wait, ok? Please?"

"Sure." He crept off of me and stood up. I rubbed my eyes and sighed.

"Ok! I'll get some blankets and shit - you have claim over my bedroom, you go ahead and sleep whenever you want. I'll be out here if you need me. And uh... we'll talk about what we're going to do tomorrow, so don't worry-"

"Axel?"

"Yea?"

"Two things; first, thanks for the courtesy and second, I want you to sleep with me."

I short-circuited and half turned around with an expression similar to that of a man about to have an aneurism. Roxas held back a smile and shook his head. "No, I mean I want you to sleep in the same bed with me."

"Rox..."

"Axel... please." The look on his face shortly before he came up to me and hugged me was something to be reckoned with - it was a lethal weapon of compliance that had no equal. I figured there wasn't any use - we walked over to the bedroom and I immediately flopped onto my beautifully fluffy bed and straightened up, about ready to just pass out. I didn't even want to put covers over me, I was so tired. I just did it out of the experience of knowing I would anyway and just as I was curious as to Roxas' whereabouts he dipped under the covers on the other side. He found me and nestled up to me - I couldn't help the smile nor the blissful sigh that escaped me. I brought my arm around an

...

"Where's your shirt, dude? It's cold."

"Not with you around."

I sighed. Instead of perving on his skin I brought my arms down so my hand would rest on his thighOHWHATFUCKNO

"WHy are you naked!?"

"What?"

"Seriously, come on! You're killing me."

He just pulled me back so we were close up and face to face.

"Put your arm around me."

I did.

"Close your eyes."

I did. I felt lips gently against mine after a moment.

"Shut up. Go to sleep."

I smiled and slowly chuckled, letting it die down into a sleepy murmur. I ended just throwing caution to the wind, turning him around, and nuzzling right up against him for a short time before settling for a little bit of space between us for air to get through.

"Hey."

"Myea."

"Thanks for letting me stay."

"I didn't have a choice."

"Yea you did."

"Mmm. I'll always ... help. I won't do something to trap you - that's real shitty. I really want to be close to you."

Roxas must have been listening to my sleepy murmurs, because he put his hand in mine and curled back up into me. I passed out like that, with the assurance of his warm back against me. That was the best night of my life.