A/N: I recommend listening to Cry by Kelly Clarkson while you read this songfic. Enjoy.
**WARNING**
In order to understand this songfic you must know two important details. First, this takes place right after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon and continues until they reunite in Italy. Second, Her = Bella, and Him = Edward.
"Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry?"
Her:
It was raining, like was normal in Forks. She was still staring out the window. She hadn't really moved for a week. She didn't need 'human moments' anymore because she didn't eat or drink enough. The sun made a sudden appearance, and she flinched when it sparkled off a car. It reminded her of the life that had been ripped away from her. Just when she thought the pain couldn't get any worse, she'd think of him... the one that broke her. She closed her eyes, and she tried not to scream. The pain that this emptiness caused her was welcome though. It proved that they'd all been real... that he'd been real. As long as it was there, thepromise was void.
He existed.
Him:
It was snowing, like was normal in Alaska. He was sitting in a tree, staring into the forest. He hadn't moved in a week. It wasn't like he needed to. He had no human needs. The sun came out and shined on his arm. He flinched when he sparkled. It reminded him of the reason he'd ripped his happiness away from himself. He wasn't human. He was a monster. Just when he didn't think the pain could get worse, he heard her voice as though from right in front of him. If... that's what you want. This time, he didn't nod. He closed his eyes, and he tried not to scream. He welcomed the pain. It proved that he'd done the impossible, and he couldn't go back. As long as he wasn't there, she would be okay.
She would be safe.
"Pretend I'm okay with it all; act like there's nothing wrong."
Her:
Time passes. She functioned now, pretending she was over what had happened, even if no one was fooled by her numbness. She ate and drank. She went to school. She did her homework. She cooked and cleaned. It was when it came time to sleep that she couldn't keep the pain hidden. She was haunted every night. He'd leave, and she'd try to follow. She'd wake in a sweat, and she'd allow herself a moment to cry before repeating the daily routine. Her routine didn't get rid of her pain, and she knew why she was in pain all too well.
He was gone.
Him:
Time passes. He functioned now, pretending to be distracted, even if nothing could hold his attention. He hunted sometimes. Sometimes he didn't. He had taken to tracking and hunting Victoria. It was when it came to silence that he couldn't keep the pain hidden. He was haunted constantly. Crystal clear, perfectly recalled memories of his love. He recalled it all, as if trying to torture himself: voice, face, blush, smell, favorite book, smile... every thought was all her. He'd come out of his thoughts with a shake of his head, and he'd wish he could cry before trying to pick up on Victoria's trail again. The tracking didn't get rid of his pain, and he knew why he was in pain all too well.
She was his life.
"Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart..."
Her:
She was with Jessica when she heard it the first time. She had promised not to be reckless and stupid, but hearing this voice was worth it. She learned to ride a motorcyle with Jacob, and she heard it again. She was addicted, and this was her fix. After a while, the bikes no longer worked. She realized why it was so hard for druggies to quit. The withdrawals were unbearable. The pain was still just as strong, and it was impossible to move on. The memories choked her, made her roll into herself. Then she was on the edge of the cliff. She'd found her fix. She smiled, and she jumped. She hadn't expected to drown, but it was worth it.
She saw him.
Him:
He was still alone when it happened the first time. He had promised that it'd be as if he'd never existed, but didn't know how much longer he'd last. Every time a memory hit him, he'd lose himself. He was addicted, and he needed a fix. After a while, he just let the misery have him. He realized why it was so hard for those addicted to become clean. He kept giving into the bliss, thinking it would be worth it, but then he'd feel the pain. The pain was still just as strong, and it was impossible to move on. Rose called and told him. He had to know for sure. At the funeral. He began to run. He didn't know it'd happen so soon, but he'd follow suit.
She was dead.
"Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes?"
Her:
Jacob found her and took her home. Alice was waiting for her. The news was unbearable. She couldn't let it happen. She couldn't let him die. After all her pain, she ran to what she knew could very well be her death. She ran to Italy with Alice. She knew she might not come back. At the strike of noon, under the clock tower, shinning like the light she'd been missing, she saw him. Her memory of her love was far from perfect. It didn't do her love justice. After what seemed like forever, she could feel emotions again.
She was in his arms.
Him:
After finding out, he didn't go home. Alice would see it. Alice would tell his family the news. He couldn't believe this had happened, couldn't believe she'd died. After all his pain, he ran to what would be his death. He ran to Italy alone. He didn't mean to come back. At the strike of noon, in the shade of the clock tower, waiting to reveal the secret and follow his light into death, he closed his eyes, and he saw her. He smiled and let himself remember everything. After what seemed like forever, he opened his eyes to a voice.
She was in his arms.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. I spent a lot of time making this work the way I wanted it to. Please review. I'd love getting good and bad input. I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing. Happy Fanictioning!
~EJ 12212012