A Page of My Life
Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, nor am I affiliated in any way with the copyright owners of Fullmetal Alchemist. Fullmetal Alchemist's story line and characters are copyrighted to Hiromu Arakawa and the various companies who produced the manga, anime and merchandise.
A/N: Oneshot. Complete. Originally part of Random Ficlets, which I decided to delete. I wanted to post each story contained there as its own story. Originally posted forever ago. Al POV. Character death. AU. Alternate Ending. I wrote this while I was really depressed.
Tomorrow is just around the corner, and I need to get these feelings about before I explode. This isn't really something I can talk to anyone about. No one near me now would understand where I'm coming from. Unfortunately, I have little contact with anyone who would understand.
Sometimes, I look around myself and wonder, "Why do I have all this crap?" But, after all I've invested in these... things... I can't simply throw them away, especially the books.
Books helped me hold onto my sanity and self-control during my teenage years. I spent those years following my brother around, from place to place, sometimes having a different roof over our heads each night. Books were always there for me. Books never let me down. I used books to escape my then harsh reality. Ed always said that, based on my demeanor and the fact that I fell in love with everything, the books I read were like junk food for my brain. I guess he was right.
Books helped me forget that I was supposed to grow up. I never wanted to grow up. Growing up meant having to eventually deal with all the terrible things that happened to me in my youth. Terrible things I can't even talk to my wife of five years, Jennifer, about. But, I did grow up, and while I haven't come to terms with everything, life is much easier for me now. I grew up, I married, and now I am the proud father of a beautiful little girl. Every time I look at her, I'm reminded of Mr. Hughes and his obsession with his own daughter, Elysia.
Yes, I'm a father now. For those who may not be familiar with my plight, I was without a physical body for much of my adolescence. Edward always tore himself apart for it, but I never blamed him for any of it. My brother devoted what was left of his life to restoring me to my rightful body. We went through many hardships during our years of searching for a myth. Looking back, I can see that no matter how much we had already been through up to that point, we were still children. We were children chasing a childish dream.
In the end, however, we succeeded. But, Edward ended up lying to me. He had promised to never take any lives in order to restore my flesh. He lied. He ended up giving his own life in exchange for my body. There's not a trace of him left in this world except a bunch of things and an empty grave. I have most of his belongings, but they're not him. They're not my brother.
After six months of hearing nothing from my brother, the government declared him dead, and froze everything that was in his name. The military denied my request that Ed's empty casket be buried in our family plot in Resembool. They said that since he was in the military, it needed to be interred in the military cemetery. So, I buried some of his more precious possessions in out hometown, like his red trench coat and his journal. If Fuhrer Mustang hadn't taken the silver pocket watch and had it mounted, I would have buried it as well. It now hangs in his office. He was almost institutionalized after Edward's death. It hit him hard. For about a year afterward, Mustang kept mumbling things about his dead son. Those that were close to him and my brother knew what he was talking about. However, the rest of the military would never know about the almost familial relationship those two shared. Luckily, the confusion was cleared up, and Mustang soared through the ranks to become the most powerful man in Amestris.
My brother, Edward Elric was laid to rest seven years ago tomorrow. He disappeared on my nineteenth birthday. I've had trouble celebrating that day since then.
Jennifer is calling for me to come to bed. I guess I should. I have a big day ahead of me tomorrow. Little Rosie is finally old enough to meet her uncle. She'll be four years old in a couple months. I wish Ed were still here to meet her. I'm sure they'd get along well. Edward always was good with kids. I wonder if he would realize whom I named her after...
Rose, the woman in Lior whose life we changed, was our first love. Edward and I shared a crush on her, but it passed quickly as she was a little too old for us pursue. It's okay for me though. I was in the armor when we met her, so I don't think it would have worked out anyway.
My wife, Jennifer, is someone I met in Dublith shortly after Edward's death. She's the daughter of a friend of my teacher's. I think Teacher was playing matchmaker to try to get my mind off my missing brother. I'm glad she did, though. Until I met the woman who became my wife, I never thought I could be so happy without my brother in my life.
Sadly, Teacher passed away two years ago. Ever since I got my body back, it seems that the people I care about most are leaving me behind. I mean, I had always felt alone in the armor, no matter what Edward told me, but now I feel alone in the flesh, as well, no matter what Jennifer tells me. She doesn't know about my time as an animated suit of armor. Maybe someday I'll tell her, but I doubt she'll believe me. Because I feel like a jinx, I don't have much contact with anyone from my past, but I already mentioned that earlier. The only time I really see any of them is when we happen to visit Edward's grave at the same time. As far as I can tell, they're still the same as they've ever been.