Just something a bit silly with OG/BC meeting.

'As you were lads' Captain James walked into the ops tent. Before him 2 & 3 section sat notebooks open ready to capture his instructions for this new mission.

'Right, we are out of Salisbury at 11.30 hours. I know, I know its very early Fingers but we have a long day ahead of us. We will be taking the National Express to Broadchurch eta 14.00 hours. Our mission is to intercept and discover the plot line for Series 2 of Broadchurch. It appears no one seems to know what is going on. Too many secrets and too many plot lines. Added to that a whole batch of new characters bringing more secrets and plot lines that no one really cares about'

He looked around the room at his section. Molly Dawes had her head in her hands, slowly shaking her head. Baz Vegas and Nude-Nut were mouthing 'Taliban' to each other. Brains was writing notes and in fact was on his, yes, his third notebook. Dangles was, where was Dangles? He looked at Smurf, his ever reliable soldier. WTF Smurf was dead, how did he get here? Oh well all hands on deck he thought.

'Kinders take us through it.'

'Sir, Okay guys we will take the M4, M38, M89, M7, M6, A3765, M9. There will be some hilly terrain so Fingers take your travel sickness pills.'

'Corp will do.' Fingers began writing furiously in his notebook. He looked over at Brains who was now onto his fifth notebook and seemed in no hurry to stop taking notes.

Dangles suddenly ran into the room carrying a Boots carrier bag. 'Nice of you to join us Dangles.' Captain James remarked in a stern voice. He was standing with his arms folded and was not happy.

'Sorry Boss but I had to go to three different Boots until I could get the L'Oreal hair colour deep mahogany you wanted.' Captain James stepped forward and snatched the bag. 'Oh yes right, thanks for that. Carry on Kinders.'

Kinders looked back at the white board and pointed to the map of Broachchurch. 'Okay once we are here we will be making our way to this ice cream truck positioned on the beach. We will need to form an orderly queue and put our orders in.'

He turned as he heard a noise outside the tent. People were shouting. A female voice was shouting at someone 'get away from me now or else I will piss in a cup and throw it over you.'

'Nice Miller, very nice. Now get in the tent.'

The two people entered and stopped. 2 &3 Section turned to look at them. Well Brains didn't turn he was now onto his sixth notebook and was busy writing his ops notes.

Captain James looked over 'Can we help?'

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. 'I am looking for Captain James. I am DI Hardy this is DS or PC depending what series we are in Miller.'

Kindlers looked at Captain James and then back to them. He had not seen Tony Grounds this week had he thrown them a curveball? Those blasted writers always trying to keep people on their toes.

'Sorry mate we cant understand a word you are saying.' Fingers threw his hands up in air 'Is he french or something? What is he saying?

The platoon looked towards Captain James he was looking towards the window at his reflection admiring his hair. Damn he looked good today. Kinders coughed and he looked around at the room. 'Ah, I think lads what we have here is someone from Scotland.'

A gasp went around the room. Molly Dawes began crying 'oh no not a bleeding Scot.' Captain James looked over at her and thought she had never looked more awful. Her eyes were red rimmed, her hair was a bloody mess and she seemed to be wearing some football shirt under her uniform. He would need to take that off later. He coughed, 'Right so I think you said you are DI Hardy?

'Correct, we are here to assist with operation Broadchuch, understand you are being sent to crack the plot line for series 2. Miller here will give you an overview of what we know so far.'

' I will?'

DI Hardy pushed Miller to the front of the tent. Captain James stepped to the side and motioned for Kinders to do the same.

'Right, well hello everyone. I'm Ellie DS or PC Miller not really sure this week which it is. We have a lot to get through.'

Brains reached into his kit bag and pulled out five more notebooks. He was ready.

'So, we are very behind mainly due to a lack of resources, also really to string the whole thing out for a second series. But, now we have you lot we can hit the ground running. We need to go door to door and there have been a lot of phone calls we need to respond to.'

Nude-Nut and Baz looked at each other 'Taliban' they high five'd each other.

Suddenly everyone started reaching for their mobiles as they all began buzzing, bleeping, vibrating.

DI Hardy read his phone.

'For Gods sake bloody Twitter, our incompetence in keeping this case under wraps has made it worse. How did the confusion over the plot line get to Twitter?

DS/PC Miller put up her hand 'I think it might have been me?'

'No actually I think it might have been me I have 27k followers' The heads in the room swivelled to look at Captain James who seemed to be tapping something into his phone. Mansfield Mike looked at Captain James. 'Sir are you tweeting?'

'Mansfield I only tweet once a quarter and I did that last night after watching episode three. Sorry lads. But, I was so confused'

DI Hardy looked at at Captain James who was now engrossed in reading something on his phone. 'Captain James anything you want to share with the room?'

The Captain looked up 'No, no carry on just researching local hairdressers in Broadchurch, I might need to get a trim whilst I am there.'

DI Hardy lowered his head, this was like a nightmare. He thought series one had been torture but this crossing ITV and the BBC it would never work. He had told Simon Cowell that. But Cowell had said in order to take over British TV and the world he needed to get close to Danny Cohen.

'Finish the god damn briefing Miller.'

'Right, well, like I said before I'm Ellie DS/PC'

The room responded 'Yes we heard that get on with it.'

'Right, yes so well we will need to work together and I am sure we can crack this.'

'Very inspiring Miller.' DI Hardy smirked at her.

Miller was furious and would make a point not to sit next to Hardy on the coach she was definitely not sharing her pick & mix with him.

'Right, thank you DS/PC Miller very enlightening I am sure.' Captain James looked around the room he was losing the platoon. He was sure Dangles was asleep. He needed to get their attention back.

He moved to the middle of the tent, he was stood under a light it cast a soft glow over him, He knew this was when he looked his best. Folding his arms as he had been taught he looked around the tent.

'The next two days will determine how successful our mission is. If we make it out of Broadchurch alive and in one piece it will be a miracle. I wish I could say I am proud to serve alongside each and every one of you but I am not sure I can say that as Captain Azzizi is really the one I like best.'

Molly Dawes sobbed a bit louder, the night was getting worse.

DI Hardy thought he had stepped into some sort of parallel universe. He got out his notebook and started reading from it.

'People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.'

'Sorry wrong show thats my Doctor notebook. He reached into his other pocket and pulled out a different notebook.

Kinders looked from him to Captain James. But Captain James was looking at the medic now. She was still sobbing head in hands. This was turning into a long night.

'Okay here is what I know. There was a boy, there was a beach, there was a lot of water. There are cliff tops. Captain James you might want to take a walk and gaze out thoughtfully from them it could be right up your street.'

Captain James nodded, he liked to gaze thoughtfully, it made him look very clever. That what his mum said anyways.

DI Hardy continued 'You have to learn not to trust, there is no hiding place for this plot line. We will catch whoever wrote series two. We need to bring them in for questioning.'

Fingers looked at DI Hardy 'Sorry mate I still have no clue what you are saying. Where is Qaseem he is the interpreter.'

Everyone began looking for Qaseem, he had his head in a book "How to understand a Scottish mumbling accent'

'Captain James, I think they are targeting the female?'

Captain James adopted a quizzical look (he had been practicing this one too) 'The female which one we now have two.'

Molly Dawes looked up 'Hold on a minute thats not in my contract, I thought I was the female lead. I need to talk to my agent.'

DI Hardy threw his hands up in the air 'People can you focus. We need to finish this briefing off. I have to get out to Broadchurch and walk across a field looking puzzled and unwell.'

Captain James nodded 'Lads focus up, lets get this briefing finished. DS/PC Miller is there anything else you want to add?'

'Err, well, I, not sure I do to be honest. Think I have covered everything. Just need to get out there now.'

DI Hardy coughed 'Really inspiring Miller.'

Captain James looked down at her 'Right, well lads lets get ready to move out. Dismissed.'

Captain James walked out and motioned with a nod of his head for Hardy and Miller to follow him. DI Hardy thought this bloke would definitely be getting a mouthful from him if he did that nod thing again.

Once outside Captain James turned to them both. 'Stay alert, stay focused, stay alive.'

DI Hardy looked at him 'what are you taking about?'

With that he was gone. His gun swinging off his shoulder. Were you allowed to carry firearms around a Travel Lodge car park? And really what was with this tent? Surely the army could stretch to something that didn't look like it came from Millets.

DI Hardy looked around him, he had no idea what was going on. He felt even more confused. In fact more confused than he had felt half way through episode two. And he had been confused then.

Several hours later they were on the National Express heading to Broadchuch.

Brains was writing furiously. Fingers, Mansfield and the rest of 2 section were singing the wheels on the bus. Captain James had said he needed a medic and taken Dawes to the back of bus telling people not to disturb them. Muttering something about his blisters needing a good seeing to as he pulled her along.

Qaseem was still reading the book. Shaking his head saying things like 'Uc-I-A-nooooo.' He could not understand this language at all.

DS Miller had sat at the front of the coach and chatted to a very nice lady who was taking her staff on a night out. They all seemed very jolly and she was happy to share her pick & mix with them.

But suddenly what was happening behind them some boy racer was on their tail trying to overtake the coach. The coach driver was sweating and looked like he might pass out.

DS/PC Miller thought he looked vaguely familiar. She looked over from her seat and saw it was Steve MacDonald didn't he live on Coronation Street? What was he doing here? She looked at the person sat beside her recognising that it was in fact Carla Connor and across the aisle was Tracy Barlow.

'DI Hardy Sir.' She tried to get Hardy's attention but he was busy trying to open a pill bottle and was too engrossed to hear her.

She looked round in panic as the driver started to lose control of the coach UH OH too many plotlines…..