Keeping Bad Dreams at Bay:
Summary: When Rose begins having bad dreams, who else does she turn to but the Doctor? Set anywhere in Series 2.
A/N: So, I basically blatantly stole the goodbye scene from "Doomsday." This does not however, imply any foreshadowing, I used this massively heart-wrenching scene only as a dream. Oh, and I did cut out bits and pieces of the scene to make it fit my needs.
Also, a huge thank you to my fabulous beta xAndarielx. She's such a gem.
Disclaimer: BBC owns everything, including my soul.
She was standing on a beach, staring across the bay under an overcast sky, and waiting. After a few moments she was beginning to lose hope when he suddenly appeared, materialized out of thin air. He stood about ten feet away from her, and when she turned to him she could tell he wasn't really there.
"Where are you?" she asked.
"Inside the TARDIS. There's one tiny little gap in the universe left, and it's just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection – I'm in orbit around a supernova." He paused. "I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."
"You look like a ghost," she commented, disbelievingly. In response he adjusted the sonic screwdriver and pointed it at what she could only assume was the TARDIS console before he became solid. She approached him and reached her hand up as if to touch his face.
"Can I touch you?"
"I'm still just an image. No touch."
She sensed that his time with her would be fleeting, and her voice began to crack when she asked him, "How long have you got?"
"About two minutes." Rose brushed the hair out of her face, though the wind kept whipping it back and forth.
"I don't even know what to say," she remarked, trying her best to put on a brave face for the man she loved – the man she would soon be losing. He gave her a brief smile, albeit one that didn't quite reach his clearly tired eyes.
She could no longer hold back her tears. "Am I ever gonna see you again?" she nearly sobbed.
"You can't," he shook his head sadly.
"What are you gonna do?" she squeaked.
"Oh, I've got the TARDIS," he replied, though there were tears forming in his eyes at this point. "Same old life, last of the Timelords."
"On your own?" He nodded.
"I l-" she stopped, trying to collect herself enough to tell him the three words she'd felt ever since he took her hand and told her to run. "I love you."
"Quite right to," the doctor smirked. He paused, as if contemplating his response, though he knew in his hearts what it would be. "And I suppose… If it's my last chance to say it… Rose Tyler-"
He was gone. She knew she would never see him again, the man she spent two years travelling throughout the universe with – the man she spent two years loving. She broke into uncontrolled sobs and-
- awoke with a start. She surveyed her surroundings. She was in her bed, in her room onboard the TARDIS. Despite knowing that it was only a dream, she couldn't help the emotions that overcame her. She began to sob much as she had in her dream.
It all seemed too real. Although she had promised the Doctor that she would stay with him forever, there was always a nagging fear in the back of her mind that one day she would be separated from him. Fearing it and seeing it (even if only in her subconscious), however, were two completely different things. Even worse was that she'd been having similar dreams lately. Dreams in which she lost the Doctor. But this particular dream was too much for her to handle.
She loved the Doctor, truly and completely loved him. She had even when he wore black leather and spoke with a Northern accent. But she had come to love him even more in his pinstriped suits, with his energetic, almost manic, personality, and a stronger inclination towards physical contract – holding hands while strolling the streets or running away from endless dangers (the latter being the more common), and hugging – constant and proper hugging. In her dream, she confessed this love to him, and knew she was about to hear the same from him when he disappeared.
She knew the Doctor loved her. Despite his best attempts to maintain a strictly platonic relationship, she knew. He would often hold her in his embrace just a second too long to be considered purely friendly, he would often stroke the back of her hand with his thumb while holding it, and on more than one occasion she would catch him looking at her. Sometimes she could see curiosity written in his eyes; other times she could see lust and longing, and still others she saw love – pure, unadulterated love. Of course, he would never admit this to himself, let alone her. That's why she was tempted to scoff at the memory of the dream and how he disappeared before he said those three words. Even in her dreams he couldn't say them.
The momentary humor and irony she found at the situation quickly dissipated, and she was back to feeling such immense grief. She knew she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, not when images of the Doctor fading out of her sight would greet her every time she closed her eyes. She had to go to him. She needed to see him, physical and very much present. She needed to lose herself in his embrace, if only to assure herself that he wouldn't disappear.
Crawling out of her bed, she tiptoed to the door and into the hallway. She had only been to his bedroom once before, and never actually inside. The Doctor himself didn't spend much time in there, as his "superior Time Lord physiology," as he constantly liked to remind, her meant that sleep was not a necessity for him as it was for humans. Slowly opening the door, she peaked in to discover that he was, in fact, actually sleeping.
He looked so peaceful lying in his bed, the covers at his waist, revealing his shirtless torso. Rose was momentarily distracted by inappropriate thoughts, wondering if the rest of him would be naked, and what she would do if he were. But, seeing his very much clothed leg poking out of the covers, she shook her head to clear it of those thoughts. She tiptoed again to the empty side of his bed before pulling back the covers and crawling in next to him.
Despite the somewhat physical nature of their relationship the past few months, Rose knew that this was taking things further than they'd ever gone. Cuddling with him in his bed suggested an intimacy that he never allowed for them. But she had to feel him next to her, so she scooted closer to the Doctor who was lying on his back, one arm thrown over his head. She curled up to his side, slinging one arm over his waist. In his sleep, the Doctor lowered the arm above his head to wrap around her shoulders, pulling her even closer to him. He dropped an unconscious kiss to the top of her head, where he was tickled by her blonde locks.
That is what seemed to wake him up, because a second later he had pulled back slightly and was looking at Rose with confusion and sleep written across his features. "Rose?' he asked, his voice thick. "What are you doing?"
Rose couldn't bring herself to look at his face, knowing that if she did the tears which were pooling in her eyes would most definitely spill over. "I had a nightmare Doctor, and I needed you. I needed you to make it better." When the Doctor didn't immediately respond, Rose forced herself to look at him, finding him staring at her in confusion. "I'm s-sorry," she sniffed, "This was stupid of me, I'll go." She started to pull away, only to be pulled back by his gentle grip on her arm.
"You had a nightmare?" he asked. She could only nod, wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. "What about? Do you want to talk about it?" He traced his thumb gently across her cheek to collect the moisture she had missed.
"I lost you," she simply stated, feeling a fresh wave of tears coming. "We were on a beach somewhere," she began to elaborate. "You appeared out of nowhere, looking like a ghost, saying you were in the TARDIS, orbiting a supernova or something. You came to say goodbye to me. You said we had two minutes and then I would never see you again. And then…" she hesitated, not sure whether she should include the details of her confession and his interrupted answer.
"What?" he inquired gently.
"You disappeared. Completely. You left me all alone." She buried her face in his neck so that he wouldn't see her sobbing openly. She felt some comfort when he began gently stroking her hair, patiently waiting for her to finish. It wasn't long before she looked back up at him. But she was shocked to see the slightest hint of tears in his eyes as well.
"I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what that must have been like to see. Was there anything else?"
Rose bit her lip, still battling with herself whether or not she should tell him. But, seeing the look of pure concern in the Doctor's eyes, she knew that this was the proper moment for her to share her feelings. "Yes. I told you… something, and you were about to respond before you disappeared," she hedged. When the Doctor didn't say anything, only gave her a quizzical look, she continued. "I told you that I loved you."
It took a moment for the Doctor to comprehend this piece of information, but when he did, he wasn't sure how to respond. Rose could see an internal battle in his eyes, similar to the one she just had with herself. Could he possibly be thinking what she had only hoped he could be thinking? She didn't have to wait much longer for an answer in the form of the Doctor's lips pressed gently against her own.
The Doctor couldn't believe what was happening. Here was Rose, the one woman who had managed to awaken his otherwise cold hearts, in his arms, confessing her love for him. He'd known of his own feelings for her since their first adventure together, such a long time ago, though he tried to hide them from himself as much as from her. He'd known about her feelings for nearly as long; and as much as he knew they could (or rather should) never be together, as much as he knew they would inevitably one day be separated, he couldn't help but yearn for the energetic and compassionate woman.
She saw him for who he really was – a broken, lonely man, travelling throughout time and space to forget the grief at losing everyone close to him since the Time War – and she not only accepted him for it, but she loved him. She made him better.
He contemplated the dream Rose had just related to him and felt a heart-wrenching sadness that mirrored hers. Sure he had lost companions before, so many of them, but the thought of losing this one girl was almost too much for him to bear. That was why he kept her at such a distance: he knew that if they became any closer, losing her would be that much more devastating. But now, now her feelings were out there, now he knew for certain that she loved him and feared losing him just as much as he feared losing her.
He knew he could no longer hold back; he knew that this was the moment when their whole relationship was about to change. And he was damned if was going to let it pass him by, despite his previous rules. He saw the look of nervousness and anticipation on Rose's face just before he leaned down to share their first real kiss.
It was such a gentle, almost innocent kiss, a far cry from what his mind was screaming at him to do. But he knew he had to take this slow, had to tear down the walls of their friendship and slowly rebuild them with love.
When he pulled back after a moment, he looked into Rose's face, seeing a look of relief but also confusion written across her features. "Doctor?" she whispered, questioning his actions.
"Oh, Rose, I've tried so hard to…" he began, wondering how to express his feelings for her. "Ever since I first laid eyes on you, I knew there was something about you. Something that would change the way I've allowed myself to live my life. I just…" he broke off.
He could tell Rose was trying to work something out – could see it in her eyes. This look was then replaced by a newfound determination. He could tell she was going to push him, prompt him further. "Doctor, I love you. I always have and I always will."
Hearing her say those words again brought such joy to the Doctor's hearts. "I love you too, Rose Tyler. I love you so much." And with that he pulled her in for another kiss, this one much more passionate and ardent than before. He poured all his love for her into that kiss, feeling the same emotions rolling off Rose as well.
When lack of oxygen forced them to pull apart, they simply laid there, panting and gazing at each other as if for the first time, with such love passing between them.
Finally, it was Rose who broke the moment by giggling. The Doctor arched an eyebrow at her, thinking it quite odd of her to be giggling at such a moment. She reached her hand up to stroke his face, "I'm just so happy right now," she remarked, answering his unspoken question.
He pulled her close to his chest again, tucking her head under his chin. "So am I, Rose. So am I."
They remained in their embrace for long while, neither of them speaking, neither of them needing to. After some time though, the Doctor could hear Rose's breathing slow and eventually a snore. He smiled to himself at the silly human lying in his embrace and held her even tighter, determined never to let her go. It wasn't long after that he too slipped into a peaceful slumber.
Things changed after that night, but only in a good way. Though they were taking their relationship slow, it being new and slightly unfamiliar to both of them, they grew even closer. She slept in his bed every night, just sleeping – well, mostly just sleeping. She had no more nightmares, something which pleased both her and the Doctor.
Rose didn't know where the relationship would lead or what exactly the future held in store for them. She still feared one day losing him, but those fears were alleviated somewhat by the hope and the knowledge that she and the Doctor would undoubtedly have a long and happy journey ahead of them.
And she had him to hold her at night to keep the bad dreams at bay.
-FIN-