Disclaimer: They belong to Paramount. Not me.
A/N: This story has not been beta'ed – apologies if it flows a bit awkwardly.
How could I admit to you that I'd forgotten you? That for one instant, for one moment of my time, I had forgotten your face? It was the one thing I'd promised not to do. Granted, you never heard that promise – there were, and are, protocols that prevent me from saying. And my own damn stubbornness,
I loved him because I couldn't and can't have you. I loved all of the men I have mingled with over these years in the Delta Quadrant, for that very reason.
But it always fades into nothing. Always. Sooner or later, it is simply an act that I play out, shielding myself from the truth. Shielding any observers from the truth.
Jaffen was simply one among many. And I know that it wouldn't have lasted. Much as he is lovable to me now, I would eventually begin to loathe him. Because he is not you. And because he was involved in the time I had forgotten you. Not to mention, of course, that our love was really just a supplement of the Quarren, so that the population could be rebuilt.
I know my memory loss was not my fault, that it was the fault of our "employers." It saddens me, though, to realize that for all my strong will, despite that stubbornness you admire, I still forgot you.
I look over at you now, and you smile at me. Perhaps it is my imagination, however, but your eyes don't seem to hold that smile like they used to. Is it possible that you know of my broken vow? How could you not? You always seem to know what is on my mind, and attempt to counsel me, even if you disagree. Would that I had met you before we were thrown here. But….I suppose, then, that it would have simply been for an arrest.
And so I resign myself to this life with you, where I constrict myself with protocols and my own fears and doubts. Hoping that you are still my warrior, my pillar of strength. Hoping that I won't ever forget you again, and that I will someday be ready to break the damned protocols and answer the question I see in your eyes so often.