It's been a year since we saw our heroes, and things have gone pretty good. Monika and Bill Clinton's stadium tour was an utter failure, and Bill's treatment of Monika when she was a White House intern have recently come into question, but they're still very happy together. Yuri has come up with the perfect sandwich recipe, which she sold to Jimmy John's for about $5.3 billion. Sayori and Natsuki have been doing stuff, I guess. They weren't really well defined in the last story, so fill in the blanks yourself. Chextopia is in the middle of a civil war, and Tim Allen has very successful sitcom on Fox, Friday nights at 8. Monika, tired of all this exposition, called her good friend Andrew Weissman, and had the author's house raided by 40 FBI agents. While she was recording the raid for CNN, Yuri walked up to her, chewing on a dossier. "Hey… Monika, what's with… all the subtle and wonderfully written commentary?" asked Yuri. "Just setting up the story." said Monika. Hey Monika…. I finally… found out what to… do with all my .. money…" said Yuri, looking through her pocket. She pulled out a miniature time machine. "Coolerooni! What are you gonna do with that? Stop wars? Prevent the election of President McGovern?" asked Monika. Yuri shook her head. "Even… better than that…. I'm going to create… an alternative timeline… where the previous…. stories events never… happened…" Before anyone could object, she pressed the button on the time machine and transported everyone back to the middle-ish of the DDLC 1, right before Sayori's about to kill herself. Nobody remembers the events of the DDLC 2, but don't think about it too much.
Sayori ran home crying. Main-Character McProtaganist had rejected her, and she decided she was gonna end it all before he went to see her or something. The time was 12:05 when she got home. To make the mood extra spooky, she pulled out a radio and tuned it to a very spooky channel. She spent 2 minutes setting everything up. Right before she was gonna slip it on, she accidentally kicked the radio, changing the station to the local talk radio station. She stopped and went over to the radio. "Y'know folks, suicide is such a terrible way to go out. In fact, you could say it's the liberal way to go out. Instead of solving your problems, you take the easy way out!" said the man on the radio. "Greetings folks, Rush Limbaugh here in front of the Golden EIB Microphone." Sayori stopped and thought to herself. She decided Rush was right, took down the noose, and lit it on fire. For the next 3 hours she sat next to her radio and listened to the Doctor of Democracy make the complex simple. When it was over, she ordered both of Rush's books and ran to tell all of her friends about this amazing radio show. Little did she know, she was in for a surprise…