How Could You Leave And Not Take Me?

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, nor am I affiliated in any way with the copyright owners of Fullmetal Alchemist. Fullmetal Alchemist's story line and characters are copyrighted to Hiromu Arakawa and the various companies who produced the manga, anime and merchandise.

A/N: Oneshot. Complete. Originally part of Random Ficlets, which I decided to delete. I wanted to post each story contained there as its own story. Originally posted forever ago. I wrote this while I was really depressed.
I really don't see Edward as a cutter. I am of the opinion that he would feel self-mutilation is just "too chicken-shit." I also believe that Edward is the kind of person who would be ... nearly maniacal ... in taking care of his health. That way he would be better able to take care of Al.

Warning: Al POV. Character death. Thoughts of suicide.

Edward,

You hurt others before they have the chance to hurt you. But then, you also hurt yourself more than they would. Why do you do those things to yourself, Brother? It's a very annoying habit of yours, I must say.

The only person you don't intentionally hurt is me. Or, maybe your aim was to hurt me every time you dragged that blade across your skin, drawing thin lines of red to the surface. I've watched you do it. Too many times.

Don't you know that it hurts the people who care about you when you do things like that? Don't you realize how much it hurts me to watch you torture yourself? It does, Brother. It breaks my heart. We all love you. I love you.

You don't think I see those scars, but I do. I see them clearly. I wish you had come to me with your problems. I would have done anything to help you.

I know your body is already littered with scars, so you must think those new scars will be easy to hide, right?

Wrong.

I guess no one else would notice them at first glance, but I know you better than you might think. I know your body as well as you do. That sounds weird, but it's true. After all, who's the one who always dressed your wounds when you refused to go to the doctor? I doubt Winry knows your body as well as I do, even with all the times she's seen you nearly naked for your auto-mail maintenance. Speaking of which, I think you have an appointment soon. Too bad you've never gone on time. Now, though, you'll never go. You can't.

You're dead.

A week ago, you cut yourself a little too deeply. I was helping Winry and Pinako move some auto-mail equipment around their workshop for most of that day. I didn't find you until it was too late, lying in a pool of blood that had been dry for hours, the index finger of your right hand still transmuted into a razor.

Why did you leave me? How could you? Don't you know how much I love you? I thought you loved me, too...

I hope you're not offended that I didn't cry at your funeral. Of course, I'm sure you know armor can't cry. I wanted to scream and wail, cursing the universe for taking the one I love most away from me.

Winry loved you, did you know that? She loved both of us so much. She told me so when she saw you that day. She burst into tears as she threw herself onto your body and started beating on it, calling you every nasty name in the book. I finally had to pull her off, and when I let her go, she ran to her room and stayed there all night. She's cut her hair off in grief since then. I feel bad for leaving her, because I love her, too. But not nearly so much as I love you, Brother.

Teacher was very upset when I told her what happened. You should be glad you didn't get to see her face. She looked completely devastated, like the ground had just fallen out from under her feet. She didn't cry, but Mr. Curtis did. That was quite a shock. Poor Teacher, to lose both of us...

Colonel Mustang cried, but not at the service. Did you know he could cry? He after afterward, at Winry's house. Lieutenant Hawkeye cried, too, but only after the colonel started. It was like she needed permission to grieve.

I'm thinking of joining you soon, Brother, in the beautiful place where Mom is waiting. Then we could all be together again. That would make me so happy, because I'm sure you're there, too. You were a good person, no matter how horrible you tried to be when you were alive. Oh yeah, we buried your remains next to Mom. I just thought you'd like to know.

I wish you were still here, so I could talk to you about this. But, if I allow myself to be selfish, I'll be seeing you soon. I feel really bad about leaving everyone behind, but I promised you that I would always be by your side, remember? When you joined the military.

So, here I am, sitting at your grave, writing this while working up the courage to rub out my blood seal, because I'd rather throw my life away than live with losing you. I've been sitting here for five days now. Winry has already given up on trying to get me to go inside. She doesn't know what I'm planning to do. No one does. Just you, me, and Mom.

But, if you think about it, I really don't have any other choice. With you gone, there's no one who is capable of restoring my body.

I'm sure everyone will get over it someday. I've already written my will. I stated that I want my armor left on your grave. I hope they comply with my wishes.

To be honest Brother, I'm afraid of dying. Did it hurt when you died? When no one was there? You died alone, but I won't. You'll be with me as I pass on. I love you. I always have and I always will. Not even death can put an end to this emotion that I have become.

Before I take this final step, I just want to say: 'Thank you, Brother. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I'll never forget it.'

The sun is setting now, and it's getting too dark to write.

I guess it's time.

Goodbye.

Alphonse Elric