She knew she should head straight back to Nonnatus House. She knew she ought to get her head down and sleep off the demons of the past few hours. She knew that if she couldn't manage that she should at least study. Delia Busby was well aware of all the things she ought to be doing, but as she entered the small red box on Cable Street, there was only one course of action on her mind.
Withdrawing a fistful of coins she poured all of them into the slot as she lifted the receiver. She waited, painfully, to be connected. It was taking so, so long. The time gave her chance to think about what she was doing - this was selfish and unfair, she needed to be stronger. She was about to hang up and put this all down to cowardice when a crackling voice sounded stopping her in her tracks.
"Hello, Mount Residence."
Suddenly she had to speak. She couldn't very well just hang up like a teenage prank caller.
"Hello, may I speak to Miss Mount?"
"Who is calling please?"
"De- Miss Busby."
"Ah yes, of course. One moment please."
Delia wondered once again whether to hang up. Patsy had enough going on without her crying down the phone. She could hang up, she supposed, and blame it all on bad connection. But knowing Patsy she'd call straight back - probably to Nonnatus House - and Delia wouldn't be there to answer the call. Everyone would know she'd rang her from a bloody phone box. But Delia so wanted to hear her lover's voice. She held her breath in an attempt to keep her tears at bay, fully intent on just having a nice, jovial chat with her girlfriend. She could pass it off as a treat for them both. She could hear familiar footsteps growing nearer and as the receiver was picked up at the other end, Delia took a shaky breath.
"Deels?"
She wasn't sure if it was the use of her nickname or just hearing Patsy's voice that caused her emotions to burst free from their dam, but burst they did as Delia descended into sobs.
"Delia? Sweetheart, what is it?"
She could hear the panic in Patsy's voice, but she still couldn't speak.
"Darling? What's wrong?"
Finally she swallowed, forcing herself to speak.
"I just… I've missed your voice."
There was a pause for a moment as she heard Patsy take a deep breath. She knew, right then, that Patsy was not at all fooled. Of course she wasn't.
"Deels, as charming and truthful as I'm sure that is, it's not the reason you're crying is it?"
Patsy's gentle and loving tone soon had Delia spurting out all that had happened.
"It was awful Pats. It had fingers and toes and… she didn't see it… I had to… I had to…"
As Delia's voice trailed into sobs, Patsy connected the dots and felt her heart break. The anguish all too obvious she tried to comfort her girlfriend over the phone - cursing the thousands of miles between them for the hundredth time that week.
"Oh my darling…" Patsy murmured, "I know. You're alright, I promise you, you're alright. Tell me what happened." There was silence, "Deels, talk to me."
"She's never carried a baby to term Pats… and then I was getting her ready for the… and then she was in labour… and there was blood and I couldn't do a damn thing! I just had to stand there and watch and-"
"Oh Deels. You were so brave."
"I don't feel brave Pats."
"But you are." Patsy promised, "You are the bravest, most loving, compassionate person I have ever met and I know that you'll have done everything within your power for that poor, poor woman. I'm proud of you Deels. I'm always proud of you."
"If I'm so brave, why am I here? Calling you? Adding to your burdens and your worries? Why can't I just go back to Nonnatus House and have a cup of Horlicks and put it behind me?"
"For the same reason I couldn't when I delivered Abigail Bissett's twins." Patsy spoke softly, "I just wish I could hold you as you held me."
"I need you Pats." Delia whispered, "I know it's not fair of me to say it but I miss you. I miss you so bloody much."
"And I miss you but I'm still here for you Deels." There was a heavy pause, "Close your eyes." Patsy commanded, "Delia, I mean it, close them!"
"They are closed."
"No they're not."
"How do you know they're not?"
"Because I know you. Now eyes shut." Patsy insisted. Delia grudgingly closed them as her girlfriend began to speak in a gentle and soothing tone. "Imagine we're in your room at Nonnatus. Radio Luxemburg is playing quietly in the background. You've just come in from your shift and I'm waiting for you. I can tell instantly that you're upset and I open my arms. You fall into them and I hold you. Hold you so tight, my hand tracing patterns up your back. I press kisses to your forehead, to the crown of your head and into your hair. I hold you so tight. I'll hold you until you calm and then, then I'll unbutton your uniform, take it off, fold it neatly." Delia chuckled as Patsy continued, "And then I'll put your pyjamas on. Then we'll crawl under the cover and I'll hold you once again. Tight. Then I'll tell you over and over that I love you, that I am proud of you and that you're the best person that I know. I'll tell you until you believe it Deels. I'll tell you and hold you until you're ready to face the world again. I'll keep you safe."
Delia could feel the tears tracking down her face and the tell-tale signs of tears in Patsy's love-laced voice and yet, she felt calm. She felt as though she was enveloped in her girlfriend's warmth and love.
"Thank you Pats. You're just what I needed."
"You're always what I need." Patsy responded, "Will you be alright?"
"Yes." Delia smiled, "I just needed to hear your voice."
"It's so very good to hear yours." Patsy replied, "I love you Delia. I love you and miss you so, so, so very much."
"I love you too Pats." Delia smiled, "I sent you a letter yesterday."
"I look forward to it."
"I should go."
"Delia?"
"Yes?"
"Don't hesitate. If you need me, ring me. I know you think I've got enough on my plate but I never want you to suffer alone? Do you understand? Don't try and protect me. I want and need to help you through these things. It's not selfish."
"Pats-"
"I mean it Deels."
"Alright."
"Speak to someone when you get back to Nonnatus. Trix or Phyllis. Don't go through this alone."
"I'm never alone, I've got you."
"Take care, my love."
"Stay safe Pats."
Delia hung up and for the first time that day, she felt a smile creeping onto her lips.