When you look up at the sky, it seems so obtainable, it's dangerous. As if you could reach your dreams, just like that. As if the stars were in your grasp. You'd go chasing after the sky, and you'd forget where the ground is.
"Hey, Shin-chan."
"Yes?"
"Are you really going to go?"
"...Yeah."
Takao knew that Midorima deserved to go live his own life. He knew that Midorima's life didn't belong to him. But, he wanted it to. He wanted to be Midorima's, and Midorima's only. He wanted Midorima to be his, and his only.
Nevertheless, of course, the world doesn't work that way. He should let his boyfriend go fulfill his dreams. He wanted him to be happy.
However, he also wanted so badly to tell Midorima not to go. The warm summer air… The soft bed made of grass sitting beneath them… The stars that lied above them, almost like a dome surrounding them… It only caused Takao to want to hold Midorima in his arms, despite the words that wouldn't come out of his mouth.
"Good luck." It was the only thing that he could think to say.
"You sound like you're thinking we won't see each other again, but we will."
"Will we really?"
"Yeah."
There was a pause, as if neither of them believed the tall shooting guard's words. They loved each other so, so much, yet this was happening. Then, the current became so strong even the tall, reliable dam couldn't hold it in.
"Shin-chan! Don't go! I'll be lonely!" Takao didn't care anymore about the other's career, he didn't care anymore about being selfish. "Stay with me."
He was so sure that Midorima would give in, he was so sure that he would no longer have this overbearing weight on his shoulders, but Midorima's reaction was so unprecedented, Takao felt like throwing up.
"I'm just trying to do what makes me happy! You're too selfish," Midorima whispered.
"You're a liar. You said we'd always be together. You said that you'd never leave me." At this point, Takao was screaming. "How dare you! How dare you betray me?"
For some unknown reason, this sentence infuriated the other. "Do you even know what betrayal is? Have you ever been betrayed?" Pausing to breathe, he just realized that he'd been holding his breath the entire time. Why the hell did Takao think that I've EVER betrayed him?
"I have! You betrayed me!"
"Betrayal is not giving a crap about the other person… Betrayal is throwing the other person away… Betrayal is tearing the other person's heart to shreds. Since when have I done that? Can't you see that I've treated you with love this entire time, that I've always kept you and polished you like treasure? Can't you see that I've been trying to protect you? Why can't you let me be happy for once?"
These words had struck Takao as hard as a truck. If Midorima hasn't betrayed him before, he's certainly betraying him now. After that, the other stormed off toward the darkness, silhouette shrinking and shrinking as he ran further and further away, and Takao didn't bother to chase after him. If he chased after him, he wouldn't have known what to say, how to convince him to calm down, how to make him stay.
The next day, Midorima had left without a word, and Takao didn't go to the airport to see him off.
That was eight years ago.
Midorima
Remembering that moment once again, I woke up in a cold sweat, and it took a while for me to come to my senses. I was on the airplane, just about landing. It's painful to remember that memory. The moment where Takao and I had the fight that would cause us to lose contact for eight whole years. The way I ran away from my problems, the fact that I took it all out on Takao.
I didn't want to go. I wanted to spend my time with the love of my life, but I still wasn't mature enough to communicate. I wasn't mature enough to decide between Takao and my job opportunity.
Well, not that I can change it now. What's happened has already happened, and there's nothing I can do to change it.
Eight years ago, because of my job, I transferred to Paris, France to become a more experienced doctor. I had somehow managed to learn French, and several patients often specifically requested for me due to my skill and reputation.
But now, I'm going back to Tokyo; The place I was born… And the place I met Takao Kazunari.
A tall boy with jet-black hair and greyish-blue eyes moved into the apartment next to mine from Sapporo in our first year of high school. He was a loud, popular kid whom everyone loved. Although I was someone who was rarely noticed, Takao often hung out with me, and we'd have tons for fun together.
We were just normal friends until junior year. It was during winter break when I kissed him. However, he kissed me back. Takao . The strong, although weak Takao. Somehow, even he had reached the deepest depths of my heart. That snowy night, we found out that we both had feelings for each other. That snowy night we started going out. After that, it was only good memories. We finished high school, and went to the same university.
That was when, all of a sudden, I was offered an assistant job in Osaka for three weeks. It was the first time I hadn't seen Takao for such a long time since we had met. Not long after I had come back, I was given another job offer- this time in Paris. I was apparently so good in Osaka that a huge company had wanted me. I couldn't say no. It was a miracle; no one so young had ever experienced this. Takao had urged me to take the offer, so I did. It was only the night before that he was honest.
Now, I have to go back to the place I want to go the very least. If, by chance, I were to see Takao, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I don't want to see that hill we fought on. I don't want to see my old apartment. I didn't want to see everything from eight years ago gone, and new things built.
Calling for a taxi, I needed a ride from the airport to my new flat.
"Take me to 2-12-1 Kojimachi, Chiyoda-ku, please."
"Gotcha," said the taxi driver, seeming extremely groggy from waking up so early in the morning.
We drove past a beach. The white, sandy hills seemed so peaceful. The calm waters were leisurely resting on the comfort of the quiet that seemed to hold this place together.
Then, we drove past the city. It would always stand there, reliably, as if it'd keep existing there, bustling with people forever. You simply cannot imagine it empty. Interrupting my thoughts, the taxi driver lets me know that I have reached my destination.
"You're here. 700 yen, please."
After stepping out of the car, I walk into the building.
1064… 1064… Where's 10-
Without paying attention, I had apparently run into someone. They had fallen down, on their back at my feet. It was a young man about my age, with jet-black hair and greyish-blue eyes.
"I'm so sor-"
"Shin-chan?"
