I own nothing! All credit goes to the creators of Rookie Blue and The Weepies

Inspired by The Weepies song, "Can't Go Back Now."

"Walk on, walk on, walk on, cause you can't go back now."

If you've ever tried living in the past, if you've ever tried to strive for what you once had- you know it's impossible. Time moves on. People move on. Life moves on. You either move on with it and start anew or you get left behind, hanging like a swinging pendulum in limbo.

That's where I am. It's a lonely place. There are no people you know there, the trees seem lifeless and the stars no longer shine.

I know why I'm here though. I'm here because ever since returning from the taskforce, everything and everyone I know has moved on and my life has been on hold whilst I pretended to be somebody else. For six months there were no advancements in my career or in my relationship with Sam. Everything stagnated. I discovered, upon my return, that not only had things been put on ice, but that they had defrosted and turned putrid. He's moved on both professionally and personally. He's a detective now- a good one too. He's found someone that he can be with and do the job that he loves.

Sam Swarek has everything and I, well, I have limbo.

It's not just Sam that has moved on. Chris has a family and is moving back north; Dov has dedicated himself to the job and is progressing; Traci is no longer a rookie detective, she's found her calling and is slowly trying to pick up the pieces of her life; Gail is well on her way to becoming a shirt; Nick is adjusting much better than I am; Oliver is finally home and working on putting his family back together and Frank and Noelle are engaged.

Everyone at division has something or someone. I have my dashed hopes and myself.

I thought that I'd comeback and he'd be there and that we'd move on together. I thought that we'd really work at it this time and work towards a future that had us both in it. Apparently, he had other ideas.

I can't blame him for moving on I suppose. Six months is a really long time and who knows how much longer the taskforce could have gone on for. It just seems like he moved on too quickly and never looked back. He never looked back and saw me: waiting, hoping.

I can't help but live in the past, dwelling on all the mistakes that we both made- I'm a thinker. The strange thing is however, as much as I was ready to give my life up six months ago, I crave for it back. I yearn for the months before Jerry's death when we were all happy- when we all had direction.

I know that I can't go back despite how much I want to. Life just doesn't work like that. Life is a fickle thing who takes and takes yet never seems to give.

I know that I have to move on. I have to walk on and stop remembering the way things were. I need to pick a new direction, decide who I want to be and get out of limbo.

I am Andy McNally and I don't give up.

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