((Erm, I own none of this. Well, except for Jin. Like I said, this is my first fic in a very, very long time, so if you've got any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!))
She really wasn't aware her heart could move that fast.
In retrospect, it was all a big blur for her. She didn't even see him coming—one moment she was just standing by her locker, putting away this book, taking out that book, and wondering how much time she was actually going to have to do all this homework when it happened. She'd always known his locker was directly next to hers, but she never thought they would actually overlap their schedules. He visited his locker after soccer practice, and she visited hers before her tennis practice. But for some reason, the heavens smiled down on Miss Jinsheal Izumi, and he decided to visit his locker before his practice. She'd wondered if it would ever happen. Had she had time after her tennis practice, she probably would have visited her locker, but she couldn't risk walking home during the busiest traffic time of the day.
"Hey."
That word usually didn't mean much to her, but hearing him say it gave it a new meaning. It was no longer a casual greeting among peers, but it was an invitation to walk into his world, become a part of him, date him for years, marry him, and have the cutest little Jin and Rai kids anyone had ever seen. But for some reason, Jin froze a little, before just smiling casually back at him and putting her books back. She wasn't sure what to say—would just a regular greeting be enough for him? Her throat seemed to close up as she uttered a reply. "Hey," She mumbled, and she looked down to her feet for a moment, hiding a dorky grin before putting her laptop in her bag. And just like that, with one slam of a locker, he was gone as soon as he had come.
Was that really it? At present time Jin made her way down the street, tennis racket in hand, looking down at her feet. She was an idiot. He had to think she couldn't talk, or was just an incredible dork. Or even worse—what if he didn't even consider her at all? Jin frowned. Would she rather him think of her as a moron, or not think of her at all? It was a certainly perplexing idea, and she would probably spend more time on that idea than she did in her Trig class, had she not just arrived at her apartment building. She took out a smallish key, stuck it in the lock, and walked into the building, nodding at a few of the other tenants.
Jin cursed herself as she stood awkwardly in the elevator, wondering to herself about a few things. Mostly about Rai. Was she kidding herself? It was a moment in time they happened to share, and that was all that it was. It was probably all that he thought it was. So why bother considering it even more? If there was one thing Jin didn't understand, it was the way she was supposed to act among her peers. It was a different world to her—she didn't grow up with a lot of friends, as for a while her family lived in the country. So naturally she was a bit socially awkward, leaving her to seriously consider everyone around her and how they acted. Mostly she mimicked them, but that was getting more and more hard every day. Their ways changed, and she had a difficult time keeping up.
Ding. She stepped out of the elevator, and made her way down the hallways before finally she came to her own apartment, wondering what mess would lie beyond that door. It never failed that Tentomon and Labramon managed to make some sort of mayhem while she was gone, and she was forced the clean it up because she was always the first person to see it. As far as her father was concerned, those two were angels, never messed anything up. She entered, and she was mildly surprised to hear furious typing coming from a certain room. Either the digimon had gotten on the computer (which she prayed wasn't the case—she would imagine they could do much more digital damage than any other damage), or her father was home early. She saw Tentomon buzzing around the kitchen, preparing something, and Labramon sitting squarely on his usual seat on the couch, leaving only the other option.
Before inspecting, though, she set down her bag, ruffled the top of Labramon's head, and made her way to her room. She stood in front of her mirror, tying back her reddish hair into its usual after-school ponytail, and changed out of her uniform into something much more comfortable. She came back out, and poked her head into the office, smiling. "You're home early," She said, and all at once, she realized why. She would've found it hard to imagine that he even left home today, considering what today was.
It'd been nearly six years since it happened, and Jin barely remembered any of it. It was cold, she remembered that much. Cold, and uncomfortable. Nurses and doctors walked around like they had much better things to do, leaving her father sitting right next to her. He didn't look sad; he looked nervous, very nervous. Jin was only ten at the time, but she'd pretty much figured out why. It wasn't ever day he yanked her out of school—her mother had to have gotten worse. It had been a fever, coupled with an already weak immune system, leaving her to die of a simple infection. Jin knew about infections—she had them at least once a year, so her parents gave her medicine, and she would get better. She didn't know infections could kill. She didn't remember the actual moment, though. Jin figured she probably blocked out the memory, which was understandable.
"Yeah, I am," He replied, and he smiled at her. She recognized the redness in his eyes, and the shakiness of his body, though she said nothing. "You know what I was thinking?" He asked, and he nodded. "We should go to the digital world—it's been a while. Between your school and my work, we never have time. You have the whole weekend to do homework right?" Jin nodded. "And I just finished off my project for work." He felt she still looked hesitant. She knew he was just trying to make this day hurt less, for both of them; if he gave them something to do, there wouldn't be time to remember what happened. He just nodded, and turned back around to his computer, typing a bit more.
Jin felt bad. That escape he was looking for was probably much needed, and she bit her lip. She had homework to do, and she didn't want to leave it undone just so they can go have a picnic. She crossed her arms, thinking. "There's always tomorrow," She said to him, and she rubbed her eyes somewhat. But it wasn't today, and Jin knew that. He didn't turn around, but he did just nod. "I'm sorry, dad," She grumbled, and she walked away from the office, going straight to her room and shutting the door. Jin grabbed her homework, but suddenly felt like the worse person in the world, but what was she supposed to do? Change her mind? He would just tell her to do her homework, and he'd be right. And like she did, there was always tomorrow.
Dinner was awkward tonight, Jin noticed. While Tentomon and Labramon ate quickly, the two human diners just played around with their food. Every once in a while Jin would glance up to her father, recognizing the look in his eyes. He was calculating, deducing, and pulling apart his feelings. He was trying to prove to himself why these feelings were pretty much useless, and they wouldn't solve anything. It was the same thing every year, and it never got any better. He still didn't realize that these feelings were real, and Jin became more and more internal and self-destructive. She watched as Tentomon excused himself quietly, buzzing off into Izzy's room to do whatever it was that Tentomon did. She vaguely reached for the soy sauce, and a few minutes later, Labramon sloughed off his chair, walking back to a small rug to lie down and nap.
It only became more awkward, now. Finally, after so many moments passing by, Jin said something. "Dad," She started, and he looked all ears. She stuttered for a moment, playing with a grain of rice, her head down from him as she spoke. "I'm so sorry that mom had to leave," She said, a small shake in her voice. It sounded so much more real when she said it out loud. She finally continued. "But we cannot keep brooding every time today comes around. We need to move on, or…or something," She grumbled, and she sighed somewhat, not sure she was even saying this correctly. "Something different needs to happen," She said. And to her surprise, he just didn't say anything. He just nodded. Did he have any idea how difficult it was for her to say that?
In a sudden fit of rage, she rose up and left, having eaten less than half of her dinner. She was too sick to her stomach to even bother eating anymore. Who did he think he was, just sitting there and not engaging with her? Was her suggestion just not good enough? She could never reach him on this anniversary, ever, and she was sick of not being heard. She knew she was right, she knew that he was bringing her down farther than she should be going. He did it every single damned year.
Jin slammed the door behind her, and immediately went into her bathroom, slamming that door behind her. It wasn't very often Jin experienced these bouts of rage, but when she did, it was all a blur afterwards. Things ended up broken sometimes, and sometimes she bled. When she did bleed, it felt so good. It was a numbing feeling. She'd escaped from her normal, awkward self, and she was suddenly immersed into a pool of absolutely nothing. With shaking hands she looked through her medical cabinet, tossing down bottles of aspirin and makeup that she never bothered to use, before she finally found what she'd been searching for.
She pulled out a tiny box of somewhat used blades, and she looked through them gently, finally finding the one she would use. She looked through the drawers of her bathroom, and she pulled out a lighter. With now trembling hands she put the flame up to the blade for a while, then blew on it. She held the blade with one hand while she other pulled off her jeans, tossing them aside. On her inner thigh were some very light scars; it had been a while since she did this. She found it disgusting after the fact, and usually tried to remember to never do it again. Then it all exploded into this.
As Jin came down from that fit, she wiped off any more beads of blood, hating herself even more for doing it. Labramon poked his head in, and pawed forward, licking Jin's cheek and he curled up next to her, trying to comfort her as best as he possibly could.