Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Note: After watching "On My Way", I'm now fascinated with the new pairing that is Rory/Peanut Butter. I mean, what was UP with that? Therefore, here you go. A sort of crack-fic about Rory and his new love for peanut butter.
Warning: Contains a few spoilers for 3x14.
"I can't believe you'd never had peanut butter before," Tina laughed.
"It's not really that big in Ireland," Rory explained. "We have it, but it's not as popular as it is over here."
"But you like it?" Quinn smiled.
"Yep," Rory grinned. "What else can you eat peanut butter with?"
"Bananas," Tina said.
"Marshmallow fluff," Finn rubbed his stomach.
"Jelly," Blaine said. "Or do they call it jam over there?"
"It's really good with Oreos," Kurt said wistfully. Everyone turned to stare at him. "Not that I've…done that before…okay, so I have! I had a Parent Trap thing years ago!"
There was a moment's silence. "You know what's good?" Mercedes said. "Chocolate-covered pretzels dunked in creamy peanut butter. Dang, it's good for that time of month."
"Wait," Rory interrupted her. "There are different types of peanut butter?"
"Well, yes," Rachel said. "Typically, there's creamy and there's chunky. Most people prefer one to the other. Personally, I enjoy some creamy peanut butter spread on celery."
"Eh, I like chunky," Mike shrugged. "But to each their own."
"Stop, you're making me hungry," Finn groaned.
"I need to go to the market," Rory muttered. "Anyone in?"
"I'll go," Kurt volunteered. "I need to take my mind off the Karofsky situation."
"Thanks, Kurt. You're the best," Rory flashed him a thousand-watt smile.
"Just as long as you return my man," Blaine joked.
"Oh, I will," he said. "Come on, Kurt.
Kurt laughed. "Okay, okay. Let me just get my coat…"
At the market
"Oh my God," Rory's eyes widened.
"What, have you never been in an American supermarket before?" Kurt joked.
"No, actually," Rory stared at the aisles of food. "Brittany's parents do all the shopping."
"Well this should be fun then," Kurt said in a light voice. "Let's grab a carriage and head for…hmm…well, you tell me where you want to go."
"I say we pick out the peanut butter first and then get the stuff to go with it accordingly," Rory reasoned. "Now where would that be…?"
"Aisle seven," Kurt smiled. "This way."
"I've never seen this much food in one place," Rory whispered, amazed.
"Yes, well, it all comes at a price," Kurt quipped. "I usually buy organic food—my Dad has heart problems—but occasionally Finn will sneak some junk food into the basket. I tell him it's fine as long as he eats it in his room. I don't want Dad to be tempted."
Rory nodded solemnly, then did a double-take. "Wait. You and Finn are brothers?"
"Step-brothers," Kurt corrected. "For a year now, yes. My Dad, his Mom."
"Finn never told me that," Rory said. "I never would've known."
"When you're related to Finn Hudson, you try to keep it under wraps," Kurt joked. "Ah, here we are. Take your pick."
"But…there are so many choices!" Rory tried to take in all the different brands and types of peanut butter that were being offered to him.
"Skippy seems to be the quintessential favorite, but a lot of people do prefer Jiff," Kurt mused. "If you're going smooth, I would recommend Skippy."
"And the difference here is…?"
"Chunky has bits of whole peanut in it, like pieces of it. Smooth doesn't," Kurt said.
"Oh," Rory said, contemplating his options. "I suppose I'll go with Skippy, then." He selected a bottle from the shelf. "Now what bread do you recommend?"
"Gotta go with white bread if you're making a PB&J," Kurt laughed.
"A what?"
"Peanut butter and jelly," Kurt giggled. "Honestly, you gotta study on American lingo. Here, Wonder Bread is the best. God, I haven't had a PB&J in years…"
"I'll share with you," Rory replied kindly. "Is this the one you're talking about?"
"Yes," Kurt said. "Now, do you like jam?"
"Yes," Rory said. "Especially on toast."
"Perfect," Kurt posed in front of the jars of jelly. "What flavor?"
"What do people usually use with a…err…PB&J?"
"Grape," Kurt placed a jar in the cart. "What else do you want to try?"
"What's that stuff Finn was talking about?" Rory asked.
"Fluff," Kurt rolled his eyes. "Honestly, that boy…sorry. It's basically if you took a marshmallow and whipped it up."
"I've never eaten a marshmallow," Rory admitted.
"Never had a s'more?" Kurt asked in disbelief. "Damn. Might have to have a campfire before you're deported. Well, we'll get some, anyway. If you don't like it, Finn will."
"Pretzels," Rory said suddenly. "Mercedes said pretzels."
"Very well," Kurt sighed, turning the car around and heading to the snack aisle. "Oh, here are those chocolate-covered ones she mentioned. I'll admit, she made me eat one once at one of our many sleepovers, and it was quite tasty. Ah, yes, and Oreos, we'll need Oreos, too. They're like a little party in your mouth, I swear."
"Where to now?" Rory was beginning to get hungry.
"Just one more stop over in the produce area," Kurt began walking in that direction. "Rachel likes celery," Rory reminded him. "Isn't there some snack that people make with celery and raisins? Bugs on a stick?"
"Ants on a log," Kurt smiled. "Yes, we can have those, too. And let's grab a couple of bananas. I think the best combination with peanut butter, though, is chocolate."
"Okay, okay," Rory laughed. "I think we've got enough food now." They went to check-out, where Kurt graciously paid, and drove to Kurt's home.
"Finn!" Kurt yelled up the stairs. "We're back!"
"FOOD!" Came the collective yell, and several of the Glee men ran downstairs and began to attack the bags of groceries.
Kurt whistled loudly and sharply, attracting their attention. "Boys! This is about Rory and his initiation into the world of peanut butter."
"Oh, all right," Finn pouted. "What do you want to try first, dude?"
Rory looked at Kurt. "Oreos," he said definitively. "I've only had them once before."
"Oh thank God," Kurt ripped into the famous blue bag.
"So you can eat but we can't?" Puck crossed his arms.
"Don't make me take out my swords, Puckerman," Kurt mumbled around a mouthful of cookie. "They're right in my room."
Rory edged away from Kurt. "Swords?"
"Kurt's kind of a ninja," Artie explained. Rory scooted to the other side of the counter.
"Here," Kurt handed an Oreo that had been dunked in peanut butter to Rory. "Eat."
"Okay," Rory bit off a piece hesitantly. "Oh my Gawd."
"I told you so," Kurt was shoving a second cookie into his mouth.
"This is unbelievable," Rory ate the rest quickly. "I love you, peanut butter."
"You'll love it more with fluff," Finn began to make a sandwich. "Mmm," he licked some extra fluff off his fingers. "Here."
"Um," Rory stared at it. "Um?"
"Go on, eat it," Finn made another for himself.
"Alright, Finn Hudson." Rory took a tiny bite. "This stuff is weird," he chewed thoughtfully. "Not sure if I like it."
"I'll eat it," Finn volunteered, and Rory gave him his sandwich back.
"Maybe I'll try those pretzels," Rory mused, opening the bag. He swiped one into the jar of peanut butter and took a thoughtful bite. "Mercedes was right," he mumbled. "This is fantastic!"
"She says you're welcome," Kurt grinned, having texted her about it. The rest of the boys, unable to stand it any longer, tore into the rest of the food. Within an hour, it was all gone.
And hence Rory's dangerous obsession with peanut butter would begin.
It was also the start of many a tummy-ache.