It didn't work
Disclaimers to Stephenie Meyer and Tomoko Hayakawa. This is an oneshot that I wrote from 'The Perfect Girl' including the Edward Masen Assassination Plan. (This isn't the actual story). So if you like this – please read 'The Perfect Girl'
"I must kill Edward," Bella muttered to herself. Edward walked out of the bathroom without a top on, the water trickling down his body, along his muscles. Bella's eyes widened and she ran to her room. Her head was dizzy and she felt faint. She ran to her notebook.
1. Strangle him with his towel.
That was good. Bella snuck out of her room, and then opened Edward's door. Edward was bending over with his boxers on, trying to find some pants. Bella gasped as was halfway in between wanting to run away and halfway wanting to kill Edward. She decided on killing Edward instead. She got onto her knees and crawled into the room. She bumped into a pair of legs.
"What the heck are you doing?" she heard a voice ask.
"I'm just...getting your towel...for mur-laundry," Bella stuttered at the floor. She felt something hit her head softly. It was Edward's towel.
"Uh. Thanks," Edward said, his feet padding away. Bella stood up and sped to her room throwing the towel down the banister where it hit the floor with a soft plunk. Bella grabbed a pen and crossed out number one.
2. Attempt to knock him out and then try to hang him.
Bella then slid out of her room. Downstairs she could hear the piano playing stiffly, unlike Edward, but no one else dared to touch Edward's piano, so Edward must be warming up. Bella grabbed Emmett's wooden baseball bat that lay on the floor and sneaked downstairs. She opened the door softly. Around that part of wall was Edward, topless and playing the piano. Breathing heavily she tightened her grip and braced herself. When she was ready she stepped away and hit the person playing the piano around the waist.
"OW!" Bella heard someone bellow. It was Jasper. Bella ran away dropping the bat.
"EMMETT!" Jasper yelled. Bella slammed her door. Of course, all the evidence of someone was the bat, which was Emmett's bat. There was a sudden shouting match downstairs.
"I DON'T KNOW I'VE BEEN IN MY ROOM!" Emmett was yelling. Jasper was yelling back. Bella returned to her list.
3. Punch him until he spews blood and/or dies.
Bella ran towards Edward's room with frustration. Edward was just closing his door when Bella clenched her fist. Edward had moved when Bella punched at the door.
"Ouch!" Bella shrieked. Edward turned to face Bella.
"What the heck?" Edward said, walking towards Bella. Bella held her hand protectively close to her. Edward coaxed for her hand. Bella reluctantly extended it and Edward took it gently. Bella winced and blushed as Edward's soft skin touched Bella's hand.
"I think that she needs to go to hospital," Edward said. Bella looked up and saw Carlisle.
"That makes two; Jasper needs to go to the hospital too, because he might have fractured his rib. Emmett just doesn't know when to quit with his jokes," Carlisle said.
"What were you thinking?" Edward said.
"A fly was there, but I think I missed it," Bella lied. She ran to her room and looked at her list.
23. Inject a needle with poison and stab it in Edward's arm.
"Excellent," Bella muttered and got ready for the hospital with a vial of arsenic she bought off eBay.
--
"Doctor, do you have any needles?" Bella asked with fascination. Edward turned away from Bella in disgust. The doctor laughed.
"No, I'm only fixing your knuckles. Next time you want to squat a fly, then use a fly squatter okay?" The doctor said kindly. The doctor led Bella and Edward outside. They waited awkwardly in the waiting area for Jasper, Carlisle and Emmett.
Bella wandered.
"Bella?" Edward said softly. It was so soft, Bella wasn't sure that Edward had even spoken. Bella turned around.
"I...in fact, leave it." Edward said. He was red in the face.
"What?" Bella asked with curiosity.
"Nothing. Next time you want to do something, just think about it. Like the fly incident," Edward said. Bella frowned.
"Tell me what you were going to say," Bella demanded. Edward saw Jasper leave the room where he was being treated.
Bella would never find out, Edward thought.
Number 23 of the Assassination Plan had failed.