AN: Well, Here's the third parody fic. Today's target? YAOI! YURI! SLASH in general! Let it be known now that I have no real problem with these personally (Descendants of Darkness was a good anime, even if Hisoka was a little over dramatic), I find using these types of pairings (Naru/Sasu for instance) tend to be a little stupid. While they could work within the confines of a story if set up properly, I find too many fics don't take the effort to make them reasonable. Naruto suddenly jumping Sasuke's bones is a little much... AU can, of course, bypass any real concerns since it's not the actual Naruto reality, but then the familiarity of the characters is lost as well and it stops being 'Naruto'... hey, I think I just found my next target... AU knock offs. What do ya think? ponders
I have it! Here's a Triple Threat! Three for the price of one! yaoi, AU, AND crossovers!
Here we go!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any other anime I may use. I don't make money. I'm doing this for fun. I hope you have some. Try it. It's delicious. Fun tastes even better than the human soul and black holes. At least, it tastes better than Chuck Norris describes... Chicken is okay, but General Tsao's Chicken is even better!
Jutsu High
By Ky Hakubi
"Naruto! Pay attention will you?" Mr. Iruka barked at the lazy student.
Naruto looked up, eyes half closed, or half open if you're of the optomistic variety.
Sasuke 'Hn'ed at the slacker.
'Eh, what does he know?,' Naruto thought. He was an emo-kid... Naruto was surprised that he wasn't cutting himself or spouting lame ass poetry... "Or was that Goths...?'
Naruto just shrugged, not really caring if there was a differance.
Naruto lifted his head off his desk so he wouldn't have Mr. Iruka glare at him anymore. His attention wandered as his teacher continued his boring lecture. He wasn't even sure what class he was in anyways.
Out of sheer boredom, he looked about the class.
There was Kiba, the loudmouthed jock. So what if he was line backer for the football team? Chouji, who sat a row over, was defensive lineman, and he didn't get nearly as much drooling bimbo's all over him.
Sakura was on the cheerleading squad, as was Ino who sat on the other side of the room. Mr. Iruka got tired of them gossiping in class. Seperating them didn't help much.
Sasuke. How the emo-kid-extrodinaire got to be quarterback Naruto never knew, but he didn't care much either... The Bruins... What the fuck was a Bruin anyway?
There was Shikamaru, the president of the Chess Club. He was as lazy as Naruto himself was, so he had to be forced by the other charter members into taking the position.
Shino... was there.
Then there was Hinata... he didn't know what to think about Hinata. She was quiet and shy, and she always stuttered around him, which was wierd, but she never made fun of him, which was kind of cool. She was also a little cute...
Then there was Kuno, captain of the kendo team. He was a loudmouth of the stuck-up-prick variety. For some reason he thought he was God's gift to women.
Ranma was cocky, and a bit thick headed, but at least he didn't pick on anybody for no reason. Unless it was his alleged fiance Akane, who had the misfortune to sit right beside him.
Chitose, the new transfer student. He didn't say much, but Naruto heard he lived on his own. He might have tried making friends, if only to exploit the lack of supervision hanging out at Chitose's house would garner, but he was in the same situation.
Naruto lived with his grandfather Sarutobi, but the old man was always away for buisiness. Naruto was lucky if he saw him once a month.
Mr. Iruka was really getting on his nerves. Why all the lecturing?
"Oi! Iruka-sensei! Teach us some cool jutsu!" Naruto yelled at his teacher.
Sasuke smacked him on the back of his head.
"What was that for Sasuke-teme?!" the blonde demanded.
"We are in high school."
"Yeah, so? I wanna learn some jutsu!"
"There is no jutsu in high school dobe. Stay in character."
"What do ya mean stay in- ohhhh..., right.We're doin' an AU today." Naruto said, realisation dawning.
Sasuke shook his head muttering about stupid anime nut-jobs.
Luckily, the class bell rang so Naruto didn't hear the comment. He was already halfway to the cafeteria.
Grabbing his tray, he walked up to the servers.
"RAMEN!!!" he said entusiasticaly.
The old lady just rolled her eyes and plopped a scoopfull of some half identifiable substance on Naruto's tray.
"Wait, I said ramen." Naruto whined. "Ramen! And I'm not leaving untill I get it!"
Naruto jumped as a lightning bolt slammed into the floor two feet away.
"Where the hell did that come from?!"
The smoke cleared away and revealed silvery, though a tad sloppy, writting.
There is no ramen. You get cafeteria mush like everyone else. Stay in character and deal with it.
-The Creator
Naruto looked on as the writing dissappeared.
"I want rame-"
He was cut off as a bolt hit him, making his already spikey hair that much worse.
"Nevermind..." he said taking a seat.
Sasuke walked up and sat beside him.
"Naruto, I just got some very disturbing news..."
"Yeah, so did I!"
"That makes things easier," the Uchiha said with a dejected sigh.
He reached over and held Naruto's hand akwardly.
"Oi! What the hell are ya doing Sasuke?!"
"I thought you said you got the news too Naruto?"
"Yeah, as in I don't get ramen! Why are you getting all fruity on me?"
"The Creator took a poll. The majority voted for us to be in a relationship for some reason..."
"How's this for a relationship, my foot in your ass!"
"I think that's sort of what they had in mind, except for the foot."
Naruto blanched.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"Naruto, whatth wrong? Talk to your Thathuke... you know what? Fuck the lisp. I don't like this anymore then you do, but at least neither of us need to deal with Neji. I think he'd be a little violent..."
"I need alchohol, and lot's of it." Naruto muttered.
-ooo-
Naruto walked into his house a few hours later, Sasuke not far behind.
The blonde went straight for the liqour cabinet.
"Pick your poison." he said as he grabbed a large bottle of scotch.
Sasuke grabbed the vodka, tequila, and whiskey.
-ooo-
Naruto awoke with a hangover from hell.
"Oh my head..." Naruto sat up and immediatly hopped up.
"Oh my ASS!!!!" Why does my ass hurt?!" He spied his classmate rousing from sleep in the bed next to him. Naruto didn't see any clothing.
He wasn't wearing anything either.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He soon learned what a mistake it was to scream when afflicted with a hangover. It was even worse after helping finish off four bottles of hard liqour.
"No screaming." Sasuke whimpered.
"You raped me!" Naruto said in as loud a whisper as he dared.
"I did not. We should have been too drunk to move, let alone, well..." Sasuke let the thought trail off.
"Then how?"
"It was me!" a pink haired man cried in excitement as he jumped out of the closet. "Seiryo Tennan!"
"AHHH- ohhhh" both guys screamed aggravating their hangovers.
This Seiryo character wasn't wearing any pants either.
"Who... who the fuck are you!" Naruto said enraged.
"I am the new truancy officer at Jutsu High! I simply wished to demonstrate the penalty for not showing up to school."
"That's some fucking penalty!"
"Aptly said."
Sasuke silently vowed to never skip out on class again. Ever.
A/N: I know it's quite a bit more obscene than I usually write, but it fits the subject matter. I try to avoid heavy cursing and what-not when I write because it usually doesn't fit. I really don't see these characters dropping 'F-bombs' left and right in their usual setting, therefore I don't write it that way. Jutsu High is nowhere close to 'usual settings' on the other hand, and is perfectly reasonable.
No that the explanation is out of the way, how do ya like it so far? Want to see more? I purposefully left it open ended just in case... It's your call. Hell, I'll even take suggestions. Where do YOU want to see it go? My box is always open. Even for other fics I post, if you have comments send them in. Untill then, Ky out.