Disclaimer: It is with great sorrow that I tell you I don't own Naruto. -sniff, sniff-

Inner Tsukiko: ... You seriously suck.
Tsukiko: And a little warning for Orochi fans... Orochimaru will be a bit OOC! Heheheh... -smirks evilly- OOC Orochi... mwahahah..
Inner Tsukiko: -shakes head and shrugs-
Tsukiko: And also, for those who like requests... -drumroll- I'm taking requests:D Interested? Take a look at my profile (the last part where it says 'Taking requests') and read (or don't, if you don't want to, but if there're some stuff that'd I like you to know before you request anything), and go send your request via a Private Message to me! Yay! -makes a random dance out of boredom-

My Catastrophic Birthday

Prologue: You Wanna Bet?

"Great job today, Orochimaru! And you too, Tsunade", Sarutobi grinned at his students. "And you, Jiraiya..." He eyed the white-haired, thirteen-year-old boy with a sigh. "... train more."

"I train and train and train, and yet you always tell me I should train more!" Jiraiya protested, while Orochimaru walked away, without even saying goodbye.

"You just don't train enough, Jiraiya", Sarutobi said, slightly sternly. "You must train more."

Jiraiya sulked, and Tsunade stuck out her tongue at him, receiving a death glare. Soon, Tsunade and Jiraiya had a very intensive glaring contest. Unfortunately, Tsunade blinked in the middle of the contest, as her eyes began fill with tears due to the staring.

"Ha!" Jiraiya taunted her, earning a well-aimed punch in the face. "OUCH! TSUNADE!"

"Ha!" Tsunade imitated him, and stuck out her tongue. "Can't even take a punch, eh, Jiraiya? You're pathetic. Unlike Orochimaru", she added and glanced at her teammate with a bit of admiration from her eyecorner.

"Orochimaru, Orochimaru, Orochimaru! Can people never talk about anybody else?" Jiraiya snarled.

"Well, get as talented as him and then people will start talking about you too", Tsunade said with a smirk.

"At least I'm not gay! I can go out with girls!"

"Orochimaru is not gay!" Tsunade argued. "He's just... more mature!" (A/N: Sorry to all yaoi/yuri fans... -.-)

"Yeah, right", Jiraiya responded sarcastically. "As if. He'd never go out with any girl."

"Yes, he would!"

"You wanna bet?" Jiraiya grinned mischievously.

"Sure!" Tsunade replied,without even thinking about the consequences in her upsetness.

"Okay, so here's the deal; before your birthday, which is three days away,you must make Orochimaru go out with a girl, just any girl - it can be you or it can be the old granny nextdoors - but it must be a date, it doesn't count if you just make him go outdoors to train or something. And... the date must be successful, if it becomes one big fiasco, then you've lost." Jiraiya paused, his grin widening. "If you win this bet, you get to..."

"...beat you up 999 times without any complaints, and make you ask the ugliest girl in Konoha to go on a date with you and make you pay 20000 yen and -"

"Hey, that's too much", Jiraiya protested.

"Okay, okay, fine. How about beating you up 999 times andhave you run around in Konoha and scream that you'rea pervertin public for two hours? And I get to choose where you're going to shout it." Tsunade sneered.

"I'm not a pervert!" Jiraiya replied hotly. "But fine, just because my punishment would be total humiliation, yours will be too." He put on a sneer onto his face like Tsunade. "You must go out on a date with me, and I get to choose where we're going, and you'll pay for everything."

Tsunade's face went red. "A date? With... with... you!" she spat in disgust.

"Yeah, great, huh?" Jiraiya smirked.

"Urgh... fine!" she snapped. "I accept!"

Tsukiko: Hmm, extremely short, but I promise next chapter will be longer! What do you think? -smirks-
Inner Tsukiko: I prefer "This Is (Not) My First Time". But well, I'm impressed, you actually managed to release one of those new fics you've been babbling about for so long.
Tsukiko: ... Thanks?
Inner Tsukiko: Baka. -.-
Sneak Preview of Next Chapter: Attempts

"Orochimaru-san... uh... do you want to go on a date... with... me?"

Orochimaru stared blankly at her for a couple of minutes, making her feeling uncomfortable. Then he said, in an emotionless and almost bored voice: "No."

Tsunade, hiding behind the bushes, cursed Orochimaru's damned pride and disinterest in girls... what was she going to do now? Then she got the perfect idea...