If you asked me last year where I saw myself in a year, I could quickly tell you that this wasn't it. Everything I am right now is nothing like I thought I would have been. The way things are in general are nothing like I thought they would be. To see people I couldn't live without last year walk away from my life and become strangers. I feel like time has flown by, and day-to-day nothing has really changed; yet looking back at where I was around this exact time last year, everything is different.

It all started at a conference. I was 14 years old. Awkward, pre-pubescent, and just starting to blossom into a younger version of myself. I still remember that first conversation, he was going on about Stephen Harper for some reason, looking back I think that was the year was elected as prime minister. He seemed obsessed with politics. And at that age, politics was merely something adults talked about every fourth October when election time came. I didn't really understand the majority of what he was going on about, and labelled him as irritating.

The funny thing was, suddenly all we did was talk, about everything. Sometimes even politics to my dismay. This person became my confidant. Every thought I had for the next four years, he knew it. Christmas breaks became our time to talk. We contemplated our views on everything. Eventually, I realized I had feelings for him. But, I blew it. If I had've known then, what I know now. Maybe I would have treated him right. For years, I remained close with him, being each others everything. I never really realized, but he was the person who got all of me, except the real part that he wanted. He's the person I'm still the most proud of, for everything he's accomplished in his lifetime.

He was my best friend. He picked up the pieces of my heart that ignorant and underserving boys smashed to smithereens many times over, and never once complained. Never once did he tell me that enough was enough and it was time to stop talking about it. The memory of his grade nine grad was just that and it never came up. We stuck close through out high school. Especially in our last year, he asked me to his graduation. Which I was over the moon about. Finally, I had thought. I would get my chance again. The one special thing, I always leave out, whenever I tell my close friends about this, was "The look". It wasn't just any look, but a fulfilling connection. It didn't happen too often, but whenever it did. It gave me a funny feeling, it's the best way I could describe hope. I had the best time with him, it was better than my own graduation, just because I got to spend it all with my best friend.

Things started up again between us. But not in such a patriarchal way. There was a special spot in our hearts for each other, but it was toxic. I never really would choose him over anyone else, and he would never choose me over work.

It was 2:50 in the morning, on November twenty-first. That exact moment, changed everything. I didn't really expect that message to come through, even thinking about that message, makes my gut wrench out in despair. I've never been one to think twice about things, I've always realized that life goes on, and it has to. The world wont just stop for you, because you feel like your whole life has ended. Also, just because you think your life is over. Doesn't mean it really is. Which is something, I'm still learning to understand.

We walked in the mountain of snow, that now covered bowering park. Bowering park was our place. Whenever I drive past it these days, I think of him. Symbolically, this is the place that everything started. The place he first stood me up, and now the place I would reject him.

"I can't convince you just to trust me Addison, I know it's tough. But you should. How many times have I picked up the pieces, have I been here for you, and never once left? Unless we both thought it was for the best." He started.

My questioning continued, I had just found something so perfect with someone else. Why didn't he tell me how he felt two weeks earlier? When I was still able to say yes. Because everything he said made me want to jump into his arms and apologize for everything that's happened and how I wished it was him all along.

"Addison, I feel like I'm on the bachlorette. I can't play this game. Either you want me or you don't. I will respect your decision either way. I know it's not good timing, and I get that."

" I can't trust you anymore," I replied

"I know" He responded.

"Look, no matter what dumb excuse I gave you all those times, as to why we couldn't be together were lies. I knew things would never work with any other girl. Because she wasn't you. It was always you." He continued.

Please believe, that my heart was turning to mush and I'm not some heartless girl. But I couldn't do it. Maybe, it was because I knew he would get over me, that life would go on for him, and he didn't need me the way the other did. I also knew that, if this scenario hadn't of happened. I wouldn't have thought twice about this.

We hardly talk anymore. Which I understand now. At first, I felt betrayed. How could he just leave me? But looking back, I understand. It had always seemed that he was my last choice. I guess, I just never really realized how much he needed me.

So life went on. It was hard - Really hard. Because, I had no one to talk to about this whole ordeal. I could talk to my other girlfriends, but they never really understood. What I had with him, was what most people never got in a lifetime. So how could they understand? I now realize that, sometimes your whole life changes all because you met one person. He's still the person I'm the most proud of. I gloat about his accomplishments whenever I get, but now instead of saying "My best friend", I say "Someone I used to know."

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