Hey guys! Okay-now, to my fellow Eclare shippers out there, who are still rooting for Eclare, this one-shot is for you. In honor of the Cake break up that happened on Friday, I thought I'd make my own little Eclare twist on the episode. Please Enjoy "Better Than I know Myself"...
Twitter: TheCliffyG
No Beta Reader, so ignore mistakes if any :)
Summary: Eli's on his way to a spinning class, when he rams into an old friend, spilling his coffee all over her. Clare's on her way to no particular destination, when she runs into an old friend holding a coffee. What will become of the two, a new friendship, perhaps?
Better Than I Know Myself
CLARE
"Come on Clare? You ready to go? Jake and Glen are already in the car," my mother nudged me, her tone set to high from how excited she was for a family day, but all I had was tears streaming down my face.
Jake had simply hurt my feelings last night, to a point where I did in fact cry myself to sleep. I made a complete idiot of myself, thinking that my step brother and I could make love, then get married someday.
How could I be so stupid?
I pushed the bowl of cereal out of my way, and looked up at my mom, "I-Is it okay if I just, stay home today? I know that you want to have a family day, but I'm just not up to it."
"We should break-up."
I flinched, remembering the words I just said moments ago, and all Jake did was nod, grin, and walk away. Just like that, he had made a silent agreement to leave me, to not be there for me when I need him the most.
"Okay honey, are you sure you're okay?" She asked, but I knew she didn't care, she just wanted to spend time with Glen, "Yeah mom, go ahead. I'm just going to do some homework, clear my head."
"Alright baby girl, call me if you need me, my phone is always on. We'll be back tonight, probably after six," She pecked my head, before saying she loved me, and then quickly ran out to the car where Glen was beeping the horn obnoxiously.
I sighed in relief, when I heard the tires of the car screech, signaling they were all gone.
My lip quivered, tears streaming down my cheeks, as my body slumped. I didn't want to be around him, I didn't want to be around anybody, all I wanted to do was sulk in my misery.
"I'm not going to sit around here and be upset when he's probably stuffing his face with food, having fun," I whispered, wiping my tears, before grabbing my jacket and heading out the door.
My destination, nowhere in particular.
For the past hour I've been walking around, just thinking.
I was thinking about Alli, about how I was stupid to give up my best friend since I was in ninth grade over a stupid boy. I wondered if Alli was okay, if she wasn't still hurt over what happened between Dave and her. Then, my mind had wandered to Jake, wondering if he wanted to cry as much as I have in the past hour. I swallowed the lump in my throat when I thought about how Jake rejected me, made a fool out of me.
"Ouch!" I gasped, feeling hot, steaming coffee sinking into my cold skin.
"Oh shit! I didn't see you there, I'm so-," We both stopped moving, stopped talking, and when our eyes clashed, his green eyes turning into a subtle, caring color, I tensed up, and froze before him.
I tried to speak, but I didn't know what to say, considering I didn't want to say or do the wrong thing. All I've been doing in school was parading around with Jake, my step brother. I could only imagine what people think of me, how trashy they think I am. But then, there's Eli, who's looking at me like I never did anything wrong, "Do you need some napkins Clare? I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."
He was smiling, as I glanced down at my soaked torso, "It's fine, just let it soak."
"Nonsense, let me go into the Dot and-," I cut him off, "It's fine Eli, really. I'm sorry for running into you, I was in a haze."
Eli glanced at me, and for the first time, I had the courage, the nerve, to make eye contact with him, "Are you okay Clare? Not that it's any of my business, but you seem a little out of it. Do you want me to call Jake to pick you up or something?"
"No!" I shot back, a little too quickly at that, and Eli gave me that look, "Did something happen?"
"I don't want to talk about it Eli, just...have a good day or whatever," I walked around him, and when I didn't hear his footsteps follow, like they normally would have, I knew, that I had officially lost Eli too.
As an ex-boyfriend, and a friend.
My chin trembled, fresh tears beginning to stroll down my cheeks as I stared forward, letting the liquid blur my vision. I hope that it would permanently blur my vision, this way I wouldn't have to look at the disappointed looks that people give me.
I dropped to my knees, the smell of Eli's coffee overpowering my thoughts, "Clare? Clare, are you okay?"
"I've been heart broken and made a fool of, all in one night. I've hurt people Eli, people that love me," I whispered shakily, staring at the cement as I felt Eli tug at my shoulder, "Come on Clare, get off the floor. We can talk if you want, over a coffee."
"Why do you want to talk to me Eli? I've hurt you, I've hurt you and I've hurt you...that's all that I've been doing ever since I left you," I glared at the ground, hoping he'd get angry and just walk away.
But, he didn't.
"I've been waiting a long time for this talk Clare, a really long time," he said, helping me up by snaking his arms around my waist from behind, and pulling me off the cold ground...
I didn't exactly know how, but we ended up inside the Dot, staring at each other from across the table, as I sipped my coffee.
"Thank you Eli, for bringing me here," I said, as he nodded, "Anything for you Clare."
"So, how've you been doing?" I asked, as he smirked, nodding, "I've been holding up pretty well, actually. I've met a couple of new faces this year, been connecting with some of the freshman in the Drama class. I've even been hanging out with Fiona and Imogen a lot, they're really nice people."
"That's great Eli," he seemed so excited to talk about his new life, so I let him go on, "I've even started a spinning class, which I was on my way to, but I decided, it's a nice day to spill coffee on an ex, why not?"
My lips curled up into a grin, as Eli said, "Tell me how you're doing Clare."
"I thought I was doing okay on my own, up until last night and this morning. It's amazing how one day can change your life forever huh?" I scoffed, flashes of Eli and I on that night playing before my slightly closed eyes.
"I thought that, I thought that replacing Jake for you would work Eli...but it didn't. I tried to move on, but I couldn't. So I forced myself to. That night, when you were on the phone with me in Morty, telling me how you just had to get rid of him so we could be together...I have nightmares Eli, every night. You never hung up the phone, I listened to you scream...I listened to the glass breaking, the tires screeching," My upper lip twitched slightly, being able to hear all of the noises in my head as if they were happening right now.
"I'm sorry Clare," he touched my hand, to make me look at him, "Please Clare, I was sick. I was sick and I needed an outlet. At the time, I wasn't thinking straight, I didn't have my medication, nor did I have a good, stable therapist to talk to everyday. But, if I could go back and take all that back, I would, just so your mind could be at ease."
"I'm glad it was put there Eli, I'm not glad it happened, but I'm glad your memories, good and bad, are still here," I pointed to my head, then continued when Eli looked obviously confused, "I've been with Jake for nearly as long as you...but, I can't even remember two good memories. And yet, I remember the first day we met, and it hits me just as hard as it hit me then."
Eli smirked, "Running over a girls glasses to get their attention, yup that's me."
I giggled, "Eli, you have no idea what impact you've had on my life. Jake, he's nothing but my step-brother now. I've been walking around this morning, banging into ex-boyfriends because we broke up this morning. Jake and I, had a mutual agreement to end it. But now, I regret my relationship with him...I regret each kiss, each hand hold, each hug. All of it was fake."
"Don't tell me he didn't make you laugh Clare," he whispered, "Don't tell me that Jake never made you smile when I couldn't. Don't tell me that he never gave you all the happiness you needed, all the comfort."
"Eli, I laughed and smiled at him when he did something stupid, or when he fell down the stairs in my house," Eli smirked, "I laughed because I thought he was my outlet...just like you thought that crashing Morty was yours. There's so many mistakes we've made Eli, but I want to...I want to be friends again."
"Let me finish, before you say anything," I whispered, taking a sip of my coffee and clearing my throat, "I don't like the blank stares we give each other in the hallways Eli, and I don't like going days on end without talking to you. I miss sitting in English, editing each other's work, making fun of Clara the floozy. I miss those days Eli, I really do."
He smirked, and was about to speak when I cut him off, "But I've hurt you since then, a lot. I know now what it feels like to be hurt. It sucks, a lot. It puts me into this deep, dark hole that I don't know how to escape. I could only imagine how difficult it was for you to pull yourself out of it when you have your...bipolar disorder. Your emotions must've been so...out of wack and just thinking about it is making me want to cry. How you went through all of it, alone."
"I wasn't alone Clare, I had Cece and Bullfrog by my side. Yeah it was rough, but I still had them," Eli hesitantly traced the rim of his coffee cup, then glanced up at me, "It's not like it took forever to get over you Clare."
My heart sunk, as he whispered, "Because I'm still not over you."
"It'd probably take an eternity to get over you," he sipped his coffee, then placed it on the table, as I said, "I never talked to you, about my feelings. I was younger, when everything went down, I wasn't thinking straight either. We both made stupid mistakes, and ignored each other for no reason! I just, I just want to be friends again."
"Clare Edwards, would you do me the honor in being my friend again?" He asked, standing up and holding out a hand. I glanced between his smiling eyes and his gentle hand that lay near to my face, "I would love to Eli, but, I have one question."
His hand still lay out for me, his smirk curling up on his lips, "F-for this friendship to work, are we allowed to...to cry when one person is upset?"
"Tears are allowed," The second those words left his lips, I broke down in tears as I took his hand, only to let it go and wrap my arms tightly around his waist. I tugged him closer, as close as I could, and I buried my face into his shoulder, taking in his scent.
I missed this; I missed Eli.
"Sh, it's alright Clare. Let me walk you home, make sure you get back okay," I shook in his arms like a baby, letting my emotions run rampant. My lips quivered as Eli returned the hug, rubbing my back soothingly as people began to stare.
I didn't care, because I was finally right where I belonged this whole time.
Eli pulled me away from him slowly, as he glanced at me, before gesturing to the Dot door. Eli grabbed my bag, holding it for me as I walked out in front of him, and before I knew it, his arm was snaked around my waist once again, pulling me to his side gently.
We walked in silence, embracing each other and just loving the fact that we both weren't alone, and the mild heart ache would stop eventually, now that we were back to being friends.
As we approached my door, the car nowhere to be seen, meaning nobody was home yet, I glanced at Eli and said, "I'm sorry about holding you up from your spinning class, you seem like you really wanted to go."
"Working out can wait, but you couldn't," he smirked, unwrapping his arm from my side, "Thank you Eli, I'm really glad you were the person who spilt coffee on me today."
We both chuckled, and he took my hand, "Well, Ms. Edwards, you know my number so if you need me at any time, I'll be there to answer, friend."
"Thank you very much, friend."
Eli and I both liked the sound of the word, so I'm guessing we liked to use it while we can. The word itself meant a lot, but when it was used between us, it meant the world.
I turned around, to open my door, when I heard Eli's faint whisper, "If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me."
"And that's all I'd ever ask for."
END OF BETTER THAN I KNOW MYSELF
Who doesn't love an Eclare friendship? ;)
Love you guys,
Cliffhanger Girl
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