March 23

It feels very nice to have food again. We still starve ourselves; I guess mom thinks that our steady supply of food will run out. I'm a little nervous too, but Mr. Dansworth said himself that things are beginning to change for the better. If it's true (and I really hope it is) I will get to see dad, Lisa, and baby Rachel again. I know there is a chance that they could be dead but I don't want to think like that.

Matt climbed 10 steps again today, he is still a little weak and he is losing the muscle he gained from chopping wood last fall. I hope that the winter storms end soon and the ash clears away to reveal the bright sun once more. That way we could all gather outside on the porch and recap the last few months as if they were simply a nightmare.

March 27

Mr. Dansworth came by to give us are four bags of food today. He said it was splendid that we are looking more filling than two weeks ago. I guess he was scared that we would die since we were nothing but skin and bones when he first seen as all a couple weeks ago.

Also, I had another dream again; this time I was with dad and Lisa. I was in city hall with dad and Lisa getting are rations. I turned to face Lisa and I asked her about baby Rachel, Lisa then broke down into tears while she fell on the floor. Dad had caught her before she hit the ground clutching tightly around her waist. Lisa's cries were desperate as she buried her face into my dad's chest. He was whispering soothing words into her ears but then soon he too was crying. The cries got louder and sounded more agonizing as the room begin to fade into darkness. The room became pitch black as the painful, eerie cries subsided.

Many moments past in the silent black room, suddenly a bright light shone like a sun at the end of the tunnel, as I reached the bright light I was met by dad and Lisa holding a baby. As I ran to chase them they faded into the light. I must have been crying loudly in my sleep because John had shaken me awake. As I opened my eyes I realized that Matt and mom were gathered around me as well. I didn't have to heart to describe my horrific dream to mom or John. Matt pulled me aside to ask what was wrong. As I explained the contents of my dream it was hard to suppress my tears. Matt pulled me into a hug and said that everything was alright. That dad and Lisa were safe with the baby and I should not be concerned at all.

April 2

I looked through the pantry to count the amount of food that we have. I say that we have enough food to last us at least 3 weeks. Mom has not been eating in a while, though she tries to be clever by saying she ate a couple hours ago. Most of the time, Matt or Johnny have to beg her to eat a can of vegetables or canned meat.

That is not the only concern; we are running low on wood to burn. It doesn't seem as if the snow is going to clear away anytime soon and none of us are in good condition to go out and chop wood. It would be unwise to stop burning wood or kindle for a while, since we rely on the heat from the wood stove to keep us all alive. So as of today we are burning school books as well. Mom said that it would be better to pay 50 dollars for a new history book than freeze to death. Honestly, I am so glad mom finally came to her senses and realized that in this post- apocalyptic lifestyle I do not need to read about the Boston Tea Party.

April 7

Today I woke up and I am feeling a little feverish, mom is the same way. I also have a running nose, a sore throat , not to mention my body's aching all over. I told mom my symptoms and her face expression could not be explained better than fear. She quickly called Matt over and was instructing him on what he needed to do to help me. "Matt quickly give Miranda a hot can of soup and some water with aspirin as well.". I told her it was probably nothing more than a passing sickness and I will be better tomorrow. Mom did not want to listen to what I had to say, " What if it isn't Miranda! What if it's the flu or something worst, remember when Peter would come to the house and tell us of all the death from a common flu. It is better to treat these symptoms before they get worst." I just kept my mouth shut and took the aspirin. The look in mom's eyes after speaking Peter's name was heartbreaking to see. Her eyes clouded over with sadness and despair as she fought back tears.

April 9

I still have a sore throat, but i'm fine. Mom on the other hand does not look very well. Just like the month mom, john, and matt were sick, seeing mom hallucinating and moving uncontrollable was freighting.

April 11

The more the days past the worst mom seemed to get. Mom's breaths are faint and shallow sometimes it is hard to tell if she is even breathing. During the night hours her fevers peak and she seems hotter than the wood stove itself . What concerns me the most is that her body won't allow her to eat. Matt and John have tried to forcefully feed her but to no avail. Many minutes after she has eaten mom throws up her food along with mucus like fluid. Just recently she has been coughing up small amounts of blood. Matt and I were talking and we don't believe mom will make it through a couple more days. It pains me to see her in this condition. What is even more heartbreaking is the fact that we are all prepared to handle the situations after mom's death.

April 13

I had a dream this morning, I was standing on a white floor with a golden light shining down on me. As I looked in the distance 4 figures came into focus. I didn't take long to notice 2 of the 4 figures. It was Becky and Meg their arms were interlocked as they walked side by side. Next to them was a small old lady that I knew all too well, Mrs. Nesbitt, she had a small plastered on her face as she looked at me. Mrs. Nesbitt moved her head to gesture the direction which I followed. Next to her was a teary-eyed face which I never imagined to see, it was my mothers. Her hair was not dirty or uneven, Nor was she just skin and bones. Mom was exactly as I remember her to be like before all this chaos took place. She looked down at me and held me close, her warmth and smell invading my senses as I cried in her arms. It had been so long since I held her like this, and even longer since I last seen her so healthy and vibrant. Mom spoke to me in soothing words which made me burst into tears once more. "Miranda it is truly beautiful here. When your time comes you will get to see this wonderful place and we will be together once more. I'm am so sorry I couldn't stay with you anymore. Before I say my final goodbye I want you to stay with your brothers and take care of one another. Miranda I am so proud of you and I love you always."

I woke from my dream only to discover a horrific sight, mom's bed was dingy and an awful odor engulfed the room. The sheets were covered with throw-up and blood, a sheet was covering mom with Matt and John kneeled by the mattress. John looked at me with red, puffy eyes as he uttered the two most unsettling words I wish I never heard, Mom's gone, I cried and shouted as the breath caught in my throat and my chest ached and tightened. The reason mom was in my dreams became clear to me, she was gone and wanted to say her farewells.

April 17

It has been 4 days since we lost mom and are grief is still causing tension. John has been acting up even more, Matt has not eaten since last week and I have been lost in thought for hours just sitting in one spot. Mr. Dansworth came by with a smile on his face, and in all honesty I wanted to yell at him; even more I wanted to smack that smug smile off his face. He asked to speak with my mother which only strengthened my anger. As I told him the events that happened throughout the week His smile quickly faded. After a brief moment of silence Mr. Dansworth said his condolences then asked to come inside. He put the four bags of food on the floor and examined the room. He seen Matt sitting on his mattress and spoke with him. I didn't hear exactly what they were talking about but Matt seemed to be shocked and intrigued. Matt shook his hand after a couple minutes and walked Mr. Dansworth to the door. Once we heard the snowmobile leave Matt turned around and told us to eat as much as we wanted. He then filled us in on the talk that I was curious about. Apparently there will be a bus going more inland that will depart next Monday. Mr. Dansworth had reserved seats on the bus for us and will be picking us up on Monday.

April 20

Matt distributed the canned goods among the three of us and told us we could eat it all but make it last the entire week. It was glorious to be feel full for once. I know this feeling won't last long but I am going to cherish it as much as possible.

April 24

Today is the day we are leaving, all we are bring are the clothes we have and a couple blankets. I don't know what the future to lead us to, but one thing is for certain I will not let mom's sacrifice for the three of us be wasted. She saved the food for us hoping that one day things will get better. I love her and I will miss home. As long as I stay with Matt and Johnny I should be alright.