Title: All Around Me
Author: Sakura Sango
Rated: M
Warnings: Character death, angst
Pairings: Dee/Ryo and then later Ryo/Rose
Summary: After the death of Dee, Ryo falls into a deep depression. One that threatens to swallow him alive; however a savior comes from an unlikely source. Rose/Ryo
A/N: This was a request from Katy, I hope this meets what you were hoping for when you told me the plot. The bunny kinda took over and wrote the first chapter out this way.
Anyways any reviews would be wonderful, as I am wondering how this chapter sounds. Feedback is wonderful!
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"If only tears could bring you back to me
If only love could find a way
What I would do, what I would give
If you returned to me someday
Somehow, someway
If my tears could bring you back to me"
~'If Only Tears Could Bring You Back' by Midnight Sons
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'Uhm, Randy Mclean right?'
Ryo nods numbly as he stares at the blank wall before him. He stares silently for a second as his face twists, as if he wanted to say something, but had to think of the words. Slowly his mouth opens as he forced his mind to come up with the words he wants to say.
He has no idea why, but he just feels so disconnected, his mind is blurry. He almost can swear that he is watching this happen through someone else's eyes, as if he is watching a movie. Nothing feels real. Nothing. The only other time he could remember feeling like this was…
Ryo stops for a second to think about the last time he really did feel like this. It had been a while, he realizes, but when exactly?
Suddenly it hits him like a ton of bricks, the last time he can remember feeling so disconnected was when he had lost his parents.
And for a brief second the young man can feel his heart break into a hundred pieces as the realization hits him. He knows that this was happening again. And he knows that he cannot go through this again. Not again.
Slowly Ryo shakes his head as he tries to tell himself this is not true, he is not loosing anyone else. But still he can not shake away the dreadful feeling, he had been there after all. He saw. He watched it happen!
That is when he realizes he still has not talked to the officer, who is still waiting patiently for him to speak. "Just Ryo." He whispers, his voice is already cracking.
'Of course, Ryo. Ryo you should sit down for this,'
Chestnut hair shakes as Ryo fell against the pure white wall. A hand slides up to his mouth as he tries to keep from throwing up his lunch. His body was already convulsing with dry heaves, bile burning in the back of his throat.
Beside him he can see the blue clad officer shuffle his foot, as if trying to decide if he should offer a shoulder or even a hand to the distraught man. Ryo has to bite his lip to keep from pushing away the officer, who was clearly new at giving bad news.
Instead he ties to focus on his breathing; he forces his lungs to keep taking in new air, even if it hurts him to do so. 'Breath in deeply to fill the lungs, and breath that air out before you faint,' silently he reminds himself that if keeps up that pace, forcing himself to repeat the next step before his body could even think of refusing, he will get through this night. Icy fingers grip at his heart and lungs making each beat and breath agonizing.
Part of him wishes that he could just stop breathing, it would make his life so much less painful. Fingers that are clamped tightly to his mouth, twitch slightly as he thinks of the revolver that is still sitting snugly in his holster. Even that has to be less painful then this.
As if knowing what he was thinking, the cop slides closer to the distraught man, a hand falling comfortingly onto the shaking shoulder, while his other hand silently pulls the glistening gun away from the Ryo. Smoothly he tucks it into the back of his pants waistline, out of sight and out of mind.
'but there was an accident with Dee.'
How the hell could that be considered an accident? Ryo really would like someone to answer that to him. This was no freakin' accident. And the cop knew that too! It was not like Dee had been driving and took a turn too fast. No this was no accident, instead an act of violence.
He wants to shout out the last thought, force the new cop to agree that this was not an accident. It had stopped being one when the fourth bullet slammed into his lover's body.
It stopped being an accident when Dee dropped his weapon, after the first bullet slammed into his left shoulder and fell to the ground.
It stopped being an accident when the gunman calmly walked closer to the fallen man and took aim for the next three bullets, making sure that each one of those three caused the most harm.
If it had been an accident the gunman should have dropped his weapon and cry as he fell to his knees. The gunman should have shouted about how sorry he was.
Not sneer as he dropped his emptied gun to the ground and raise his hands as to keep the cops from shooting at him. Not laugh about how fragile the police really were while staring at how Ryo cradled Dee's bloodied form close to his chest, tears falling onto the paling cheek.
No…not an accident, Ryo thinks coldly, the sneering voice in his head sounding cruel and dark, as silent sobs seized his body, making it slam harshly into the wall.
'I'm so sorry Ryo, the doctors tried everything they could. Please believe me.'
Tears well up in black eyes as the man feels his knees buckle under him. And like a limp doll he falls to the floor below, his body never reacts to the thud as his knees connect harshly to the cold, tiled floor below.
As quickly as his anger had welled up inside of him, Ryo feels it leave, leaving nothing more then a broken man who can only cry at the thought of being alone.
He knows that he is making a scene, that every person standing at this hospital is suffering just like him- even if they have not lost a loved one. Yet Ryo cannot find it in him to try to pull himself together.
'But there was just too much damage. I'm sorry Ryo, believe me I am. But Dee didn't make it. He…'
Ryo cannot listen to the rest of the police officer's speech. Besides he knows what it means, he knew from the frist second. How many has he given to grieving families? How many times did he explain that he knew the pain that they were feeling. But only now did he realizes that he never truly did, even with the death of his parents, he realizes that this type of loss and hurt is so much different. No one could. At least not until they have gone through it.
It was a simple robbery! How could a seasoned officer die at a routine robbery? He was no newbie that was trying to learn the ropes. He knew them!
Ryo wants to run into the small room where his dead lover is lying right now and shake him. Shake and scream at him for going and getting killed. Getting killed over a stupid crime.
Robbery? That was not Dee, maybe him but not Dee, Ryo thinks sourly as he shakes his head violently.
Chestnut tresses fly out as his once silent sobs break into a heart wrenching sob.
Fingers clutch at his hair tightly as Ryo leans forward folding in half as he presses his forehead to the chilled floor. The coolness helps to clear his head a little, yet he can still feel himself wanting to scream at the stupidness of it all!
How could a simple robbery cause this much pain?! Who would shoot so violently at a cop while holding up a stupid family owned convince store?
A broken scream breaks from the sobbing man as it finally hits him. No matter how hard he tries to ignore it Ryo knows that nothing is ever going to change this moment. No amount of denial will change the past.
Dee was gone. Killed in action.
'And I'm all alone!' Ryo realizes as he digs fingers tighter into his hair. Right now he cannot focus on the cop who is trying to calm him down or the nurse rushing towards him.
All he knows is that he will never get to kiss his lover good night before curling up in bed. Never get to wake up feeling the warmth beside him. Morning coffee would never be made while he grabs a quick shower. Ryo realizes that even their stupid arguments would never exist ever again.
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And that is the first chapter. I know horrible place to end it, but I kind of wanted to end on a sad note- as if it can get happy right away. Anyways I don't know about this chapter, I may go back and tweak it later. This was more of a sudden inspiration then anything else. So please! Feedback is much needed.
Updates should be coming soon!
But hey I got a good amount of depressin songs to use for the beginnings. Hey, about time the songs came in handy…