Disclaimer: Southland and its characters do not belong to me. I'm just playing with them for a bit and I promise to put them back when I'm done.
It was guys like Davis who made Ben Sherman ashamed of his roots. Guys who used their connections to sucker honest shmucks into doing whatever the hell they wanted regardless of how it affected those around them. Guys who lived the high life and drank and smoke and slept with hookers and still got a get-out-of-jail-free card. Guys who bent the rules, twisted the law and never suffered the consequences.
It was guys like Davis who reminded him of his father.
Ben had had a shitty morning and a crappy afternoon, and as soon as he walked into the restaurant and saw Billy and Olivia sitting at a table with dear old dad, he knew his evening wasn't going to be much better. In fact, it was all he could do to turn back around and walk out without beating someone to a bloody pulp.
He wasn't exactly amenable to seeing his father at the best of times, but after the hell he'd been through today, he was about as likely to sit down and have a nice chat with his father as he was to go out whoring with Dewey tonight. And considering Dewey was probably still half-naked and chained to the bed at Davis' place, he probably wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon.
But what really pissed Ben off was the look on his father's face when he said hello. The look that said he was a good man. The look that said he deserved to be there. The look that said he hadn't learned a goddamn thing.
Objectively, Ben knew he couldn't really blame his father for everything he and his mother had gone through that one afternoon when he was ten. His father hadn't thrown the punches that had left his mother beaten and bloody on the floor. His father hadn't knocked his teeth out after a particularly ruthless jab. His father hadn't even been there.
And that was the bitch of the thing—his father hadn't been there, but those scumbags he was representing hadn't known that. They'd just gone on beating the hell out of his family thinking that the big-shot lawyer would give a damn. Thinking they'd hit him where it hurt most—not his body, not his reputation, not even his money. They thought that going after his family was the worst they could do to him.
They obviously hadn't known his dad. If they had, they would have gone after the Porsche he loved more than his own kid.
When he was younger, Ben had dreamed of confronting his father, of telling him everything he'd bottled up for all those years. The pain, the anger, the fear, always the fear. He imagined the devastated look on his father's face, the remorse in his eyes, the slight quiver of his lip as he realized the anguish he'd caused his son. He fantasized about the way his father would grasp Ben's shoulders, look into his eyes, and tell him how sorry he was for what he'd caused, tell him how much he loved him, tell him how proud he was of him.
But that was long ago, when Ben had still felt the need for a father. Now, all he wanted was to be able to look at his father and not feel anything. To look at his shrewd eyes, slick haircut and expensive suit and just see another defence attorney who made his life a little harder.
Of course seeing him there at the restaurant tonight, after a day of fielding questions about his past from Cooper and driving through Beverly Hills and responding to domestic disturbances made Ben realize that he hadn't reached that point. Not yet. Not today.
Today he wanted to hit his father with everything he had. He wanted to punish him for everything he'd put Ben and his mother through. He wanted to see the tears he cried as a child reflected in his father's eyes, and he wanted to put them there.
But he'd turned and walked away, his jaw tight, his muscles tensed, knowing that tomorrow, he'd have the chance to find a guy like Davis and throw his ass in jail.
And maybe, just maybe, he could pretend that one day, his father would get what he deserved.
A/N: This is just a quick, clumsy little snippet that popped into my head after episode 3. The look on Ben's face just begged for analysis, so I cranked out my impressions between papers and readings. Hope you enjoyed.
If you can, leave me a quick review telling me what you liked or disliked. I'm always looking for constructive criticism.
Thanks,
Li'lmissnitpick