Disclaimer: I own neither Death Note nor its characters. That's pretty obvious, since I'm posting this as a facfiction.

Prologue

I was alone once again. I had almost always been. Not that I ever wanted to, but I hadn't had a choice. No one had ever wanted to befriend me. Until he came, that is.
He was special. If not in the other peoples' eyes, he was in mine.

Before we met, I had always told myself that there would never be a person who would actually like me. It was unlikely. And if I told myself that I wasn't worth it, maybe the fact wouldn't hurt as much. Maybe the pain of being worthless would go away? Right?
Still, I couldn't let go of the foolish little hope that someone someday would notice me, and like me, for the one I was. And when that day finally came, I was sincerely happy for the first time in a very long time.
But in the end, he left me, just as everyone else did. In fact, when I thought about it, I found it surprising that he hadn't ditched me earlier. For he couldn't be with me because he enjoyed my company, could he? That would be hilarious.

When he left – craving revenge for his recently dead idol, L – I went back being as introverted as I was before, just much more extreme.
Eventually, I stopped eating, I couldn't stand leaving our, no… my room. All the others' would whisper things about me.
They thought that I didn't hear them, but I did.
And the glances, those were even worse. People stealing glances at my pitiful figure, and some of the more daring ones staring openly at me. God, what I hated that.

I stopped playing my precious game boy – the one that Mello got me for my ninth birthday – surprisingly, I didn't feel like it – I didn't even know why. I just was there, lying on my back in Mello's old bed and looking up at the ceiling and let my tears roll down my cheeks.
But instead of seeing the dirty roof with all its cracks and spider webs, I saw memories, happy memories, of the two of us.
I felt so pathetic; I hadn't even tried to do something about him leaving. I knew that he hadn't told me, and that he would never let me come with him.
I knew that there wasn't much I could do, but damn, what I felt weak.
After some time of more or less just sitting there, not even crying anymore: the tears had abruptly stopped after 24 hours constantly crying, Roger knocked firmly once more on my door.
I didn't do as much as glance at the locked wooden door, I was used to his, Linda's and sometimes even Near's begging by then. "Matt, could you please open up the door? You have to eat something!" he said, on the verge to panic.
He sure wasn't able to handle this kind of situations. I wonder why he even was allowed to take care of an orphanage at all, as useless as he was. I snickered at what I'd just thought but fell silent right after.

However. Not many days later, I passed out, and had to go by ambulance to the nearest hospital. "sleep- and food deprived" they said. But I knew that the major problem wasn't my physical condition, but the emotional pain I had to endure, even if it was carefully masked under the inexpressive facade that I so skillfully had set up.

This kept going on some time forward. Sure, I ate when it was absolutely necessary, I didn't want to risk dying by starving, but that was about it.
Moreover, there were these hormonal older guys who always picked a fight with me whenever I left the room.
I became their personal punching bag since I didn't bother to fight back, nor had the energy to, just for the sake of impressing some girls whom seriously looked like underaged whores.
Not that I cared, I didn't feel the punches as clearly when I thought about something else, and, my appearance didn't take any damage, it wasn't good, with or without the bruises and scars they gave me.
In fact, I looked like shit: I had always been pale, but now it was more of a sickly pale, I was terribly skinny and the effects of barely sleeping were obvious. And all that because of a guy who wouldn't care at all. The irony of life, huh?

I left Wammy's about one and a half year after he did, determined to find him, and either get a rejection shoved right in my face, or being allowed to at least see him time to time. Either way I would meet him once more.
I know it was selfish, and I know that I shouldn't do that, but I still did.
I packed some clean clothes, my game boy, a little food I got from stole from the kitchen and the "emergency money" I'd been saving for, guess what, emergencies – I counted it to roughly 300 pounds. After that, I just walked unnoticed out from the house and through the huge iron gate.
It was in the middle of the night, and I went up sleeping on a bench in a park, with my belongings tucked beneath my head, as a pillow.

… And that's when my new life begun.

Well, it's my first fanfiction chapter ever, so don't have too high hopes. And, I'd be happy if you could click the 'review' button.
If I've made any wrong spelling or grammatical wrongs, please tell me, 'cuz It'd feel better knowing it, and then fix it ^^ And, you'd make me happy if you would like to tell me what sounds fucked up, and things you'd like me to add :D

And, oh, yeah! This is the prolouge of the facfic, and I know that it's written in a whole different way than the other chapters. You will see that later, when I'm done with the next one. So, the writing style is going to change a bit ^^