Author's Note: Just random crap while I escape from the sex scenes of my other fictions... I may continue this with Hisoka's views on pregnancy and childbirth if I can be bothered. MPREG humour. If there's any weird formatting that's because I haven't removed my beta's comments... The order is Tsuzuki, Hisoka, Watari throughout.
Hisoka: "50,000 yen a night." Quite cheap.
Muraki: Right "Sold." -The King of Swords Arc, Manga
Dear Diary,
'Soka-chan once offered to sell me to Muraki. 50,000 yen a night he said. That really was quite cheap... I guess it is really... Muraki did attempt to buy me, but the offer fell through (thank god!).
Yet I wonder... Is that my worth to Hisoka? 50,000 yen?
When I look at Hisoka, I see he's a priceless jewel. He sees me as something he can get rid of when he pleases... A piece of craggy furniture...
Oh why oh why did I have to fall for Hisoka?
Dear Diary,
I stole Tsuzuki's diary today and read what he wrote.
It's strange... He thinks of himself as a 50,000 yen a night whore... I disagree, of course I do! But he is right about the furniture... Tsuzuki is like a novel from childhood, tattered, dog-eared, with a few stained pages... Something anyone else would throw away without thought but this book... This is a book that means something. Even if it's about BoBo the Bear...
It's something you can't sell, because you know no one else realises its value.
Dear Diary,
Hisoka is an idiot. He left his diary on his desk for crazy scientists like me to pick up. It made interesting reading, I must say... Seems like a certain boy/girl hybrid has a crush on Tsuzuki-san! Well... I think that Hisoka should just get over himself and get it on with Tsuzuki...
Yeah, that's what I think in my medical opinion...
And then maybe he'll let me test sex changing potions on them, you know, to liven up things in the bedroom and so on?
Then again, I think Hisoka would go crazy if Tsuzuki turned into a five year old on him...
Dear Diary,
I just read Watari's diary. He seems to think Hisoka has a crush on me. (I ignored the waffle about sex changes...) So, I'm going to steal Hisoka's diary and find out...
Here goes nothing!
Dear Diary,
Dies from sheer embarrassment
Dear Diary,
Get it ooooooon! I walked in and Tsuzuki had Hisoka pushed up against the wall... It was so KAAAWWWAAAAAIIIIII! Hisoka started blushing and stuttering like mad and Tsuzuki started blabbering about diaries and everything.
CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE. Even 003 thinks so! And when I told Tatsumi he smiled... I thought I was going to faint.
Tsuzuki and Hisoka
Sitting in a
tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love
Then illegal gay
marriage
Then comes Hisoka with a baby's carriage (with aid from
my MPREG potion!)
Waiii!
Dear Diary,
'Soka-chan and I read Watari's medical journal, which is more like an account of the love lives of various people in the office. Anyhow, he has the weirdest idea about the concept of a family.
I'm worried that I find myself wondering if a MPREG potion really exists...
Little Tsuzukis and Hisokas running round...
WAAAAIII!
I want kids with Hisoka!
Dear Diary,
I'm going to kill Watari. He's put the idea into Tsuzuki's head that I'm going to be having children. They both seemed to have forgotten that...
YOU HAVE TO HAVE SEX FIRST!
If I have to swallow one more test tube of green goo I swear Watari will find it shoved somewhere really uncomfortable.
Dear Diary,
Hisoka pointed out something very useful today. Two people are needed to make a baby!
I bought them a double bed out of the lab budget.
Dear Diary,
I can't stop grinning. Hisoka is my one true love (heart)(heart)
giggles I wuv Hisoka-chan!
Dear Diary,
Tsuzuki is so drunk. He insisted on celebrating my pregnancy. I haven't the heart to tell him that I haven't been taking Watari's concoctions recently, but been spitting them out when they've looked away...
I'm not a girl...
Honestly...
And I'm really not ready for kids.
Dear Diary,
Hisoka is the first person to have a twelve month pregnancy. We're beginning to think he isn't telling us something. He hasn't even begun to show yet.
Dear Diary,
Hisoka told me he wasn't pregnant today. I wasn't that shocked. I'm not that stupid. He looked at me with those big eyes and told me the truth. That he really hadn't been taking Watari's potions..
I was a little upset, but I think I'm okay... I'll take back the baby clothes and everything...
Dear Diary,
I don't feel so good.
I think I know why.
I accepted a cup of tea from Watari.
I slept with Tsuzuki last night.
And now I feel so sick.
Dear Diary,
I SLIPPED HIM AN MPREG POTION! YAY! Baby Hisoka!
Dear Diary,
Hisoka... Hisoka...
I'M A DADDY! Although how dead people can create life is beyond me...
Dear Diary,
Tsuzuki is overjoyed...
Everyone is congratulating us.
I've been removed from duty.
I'm having a baby...
Me?
Tsuzuki says we'll spend 50,000 yen doing it's room up. I replied that we should buy second hand books for it to read, because they are the most priceless of all...
End Notes: And that's that. Random. Crap. Weird. Yep, just random humour...