First of all, before we start the story- In the world of my brain, Eowyn and Faramir are just boyfriend and girlfriend and she still lives in Meduseld (Ok, so Eowyn had never even seen Farry in her life when King Theoden died, and by the time his funeral rolled around they were already engaged. What?! That is WAY too soon to get married! How don't they know that the other is a creepo if they've only known each other for such a short time?!), Aragorn is often referred to as "Hunky Dude", Merry has a huge crush on Eowyn, King Theoden is still alive (I didn't want him to die!), Eomer has random fits of disco dancing he can't control, and there is a big, tough, macho warrior guy named Krogan who sometimes gets a little crazy. Oh, and there are also random battles. Enough said.

The Plight of Eowyn's Face

Eowyn, Eomer, Merry, King Theoden, and the Riders of Rohan were on their way to battle. As usual, Merry rode with Eowyn on her horse Windfola, happy as a clam. Everyone was tired, so they decided to stop for lunch. "PB and J again…" sighed Eowyn. She longed for a taste of her own famous stew (That only she liked, and didn't know it was enough to make any other sane person run away, screaming for water. No one had the heart to tell the White Lady of Rohan that the stew tasted terrible).

She looked so sad that Merry decided to cheer her up. "Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?" he sang sillily. Eowyn smiled.

"Who me? Couldn't be!"

"Then, who?"

Krogan, who was sitting nearby already chomping on his second PB and J, heard the word "cookie" and perked up. "Cookies! WHERE? Wan'em!"

"It's a song, Krogan. Join us!" said Eowyn.

"Cookies! WAN'EM!" Krogan swayed to the disco jungle sounds in his brain. King Theoden blew his little horn thingy. It was time to pack up and keep going.

They hadn't gone very far along when Eowyn suddenly fell off Windfola and landed flat on her FACE. "Whoah! Eowyn! Are you ok? Uh, oh. Maybe no battle for her today!" Krogan exclaimed.

"No! It's all good." Face still planted in the earth, Eowyn gave them all a "thumbs up". Then she proceeded to get up. Or try to get up. She pulled and pulled with all the force she could muster. But it was no use.

"My face!" she cried at last, her voice muffled, "It's stuck to the ground! No, really! IT IS!" Everyone was thrown into panic. Krogan grabbed Eowyn and started pulling as hard as his big, buff warrior muscles could manage, and Eomer ran to join him until poor Eowyn screamed for them to stop because they were going to pull herface off. "QUIEEEET!" she yelled. Everyone calmed down. "Now, panicking like this isn't going to do any good," she said, trying to stay calm, "Somebody- go get Hunky Dude. He can help."

Hunky Dude Aragorn was there in record time. He'd even left his date with Arwen just to come help. At once, he ran over and placed his hands on Eowyn's head, concentrating intently. Minutes passed. Nothing happened. Finally, Aragorn sighed. "I'm sorry," he said, "It doesn't seem to be working this time. Fear not, my Lady Eowyn. Your fair face shall be unstuck by… sundown."

"SUNDOWN?!" cried Eowyn, "But what about the battle?!" She burst into frivolous tears. Eomer spoke up. "Well, sister, it's almost time for the battle, so it looks like we're going to have to leave you here and come back for you later." And with that, they all rode off.

Eowyn was so sad. She had so been looking forward to the eventful battle, and now here she was, all alone with her face stuck stubbornly on the moist earth. Even Hunky D. had left her for the battle.

At that moment, she heard the pitter-patter of a familiar pair of hairy feet. "Don't worry, my Lady. I'll stay here with you." It was Merry! Merry, her loyal and lovestruck Hobbit! Everyone else had left her, but Merry was here. HE WAS HERE! "Oh, Merry! I thought you had gone with the others!" But he hadn't.

And he stayed and kept the Shieldmaiden company; telling her wonderfully elaborate and funny stories all through the day.

"… And they all lived happily ever after. The End." Merry finished the fifth story of the day. "That was lovely, Merry." said Eowyn. It was starting to get dark. She still hadn't gotten her face unstuck. At that moment, who should come along but beautiful blue-eyed Frodo. "Merry! Eowyn! What on earth are you doing?" Frodito gawked at the unusual sight of Eowyn lying on her face in the middle of nowhere and Merry placidly sitting around next to her. "Oh, Eowyn fell on her face and can't seem to get it unstuck from the ground. I'm just here to help her pass the time."

"Why didn't you say so?! I can fix that." Frodo replied enthusiastically.

"You can?" cried Eowyn excitedly from the forest floor, her voice muffled.

"Of course I can. Let me give it a try. Gandalf taught me this trick." He knelt down by Eowyn, rubbed his hands together, and muttered a magical Elvish incantation. Then, POOF! An explosion of sparkly purple glitter surrounded the White Lady of Rohan's face and, BAM. She was free.

"Works every time!" Frodo dusted off his hands, satisfied with his work.

"Oh, Frodo, you're a genius! Thank you so much!" Eowyn was happy as heck to finally have her face unstuck. It was covered in grimy crusty dirt.

"Anytime, my Lady. Glad I could help." shrugged Frodo bashfully.

Just then, the Riders of Rohan returned, along with Hunky Dude Aragorn. They were dirty and sweaty and smelled like rancid tomato juice.

"Uncle! Eomer! Hunky! WHY did you leave me here?! You were to SAVE me! But pray tell, how was the battle?"

"Oh, the battle," said HD, "Well, the opposing army never showed up. We just messed around with our weapons all day and had loads of fun."

"WHAT?" Eowyn was angrier than a first-grader who's just discovered that her school has a no-cupcakes-for-birthdays policy… on her birthday. While the teacher shoves carrot sticks in her face trying to convince her they're practically the same thing. "You mean you left me here groveling in the dirt like a FREAKING EARTHWORM just so you could go beat each other up with swords for fun?! Hunky Dude! You were to SAVE me! Yet, Blue Eyes saved me…and kind, faithful Merry was the only one who didn't leave me! Hunky, you betrayed me for your elfy girlfriend-now-wife who looks like she's twelve! But, NOW! NOW I SEE THE LIGHT!"

And the next face to fall into the mud was NOT Eowyn's.

Fin