Barrier – Chapter 1: Rainy Days

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I remember that day; the rain was cascading from the sky. Relentlessly pouring over our heads with no sign of stopping. I remember her face, her salty tears mixing with the rain as it streamed down her porcelain cheeks. Those large, innocent blue eyes staring back at me, both confusion and sadness blended into one emotion.

"Why don't you ever tell me anymore, Ed?" She had asked, her voice shaky.

"Because," I started, taking in a breath of air. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Ed, you've always told me before! Why is it any different from now?" She argued. She always had a knack for destroying attempted chivalry towards her.

"Because it's dangerous, Winry! Can't you see that! Anyone who gets too close to us gets killed! Don't you remember what happened to Hughes!" I retorted furiously. It obviously struck a cord, I could see her cringe at the impact of my words. I watched her, waiting for her reply, as tears wracked her body. She allowed her legs to give out, and she simply sat there on the flooding streets of Central.

I was so tempted to reach out to her and comfort her, but I knew I couldn't. It would only make my goodbye that much more painful for her. I had to become cold. Numb. I had to put up a barrier around my heart so nothing could become dear to me anymore. Like nothing important to me had ever existed.

"Why?" She muttered, cerulean eyes meeting my own amber orbs. I continued looking down at her, never evading her gaze for a moment.

"Winry," I started, searching for the right words. "I don't want what happened to Hughes and all the others to happen to you. I don't want you getting hurt for my sake. Everything that's happened is my responsibility, and mine alone." I knew she wouldn't talk back; she couldn't in the shaken state she was in. Giving in only slightly to my temptations, I reached out to her face, cupping her cheek with my artificial hand. "I'll come back one day, I promise." I removed my hand from her face, placing it back at my side. "I'm sorry," I muttered, my words barely audible above the sound of the rain.

With that, I left her, crying and broken on the muddied streets. There were no words to describe how horrible I felt for it, knowing I had the chance to go back to her now, and not take it. Knowing I could just go back my normal way, giving her one of my toothy grins and simply tell her: 'Just kidding!'

No, instead, I simply climbed aboard the train, meeting my brother in our seats. He glanced up at me, armor clinking with the movement.

"Brother, you're crying." He simply stated.

"It was raining, Al. That's all." I protested, taking my seat across from him. He sent me a knowing glance, which I had decided to ignore, and instead looked down at my off-white gloves.

I looked at right one, pulling it off swiftly, and then touched it with my real hand. It was still warm from her face. Smiling weakly, I looked out the window, making out a blurry figure in the background. It was Winry; I was sure of it. She stared at the train, still shaking with tears that would not stop. Seconds later, the train started up, carrying us away from each other. It was then that I decided what I needed to do. That would be the last time I let anyone close to me. The last time I would let anyone other than Al be in danger.

This was what we needed to do. No one else will become involved with me. That way no one will be hurt anymore. From here on in, Edward Elric would only be numb. Numb from emotion, kindness, and love. It was then I locked my heart away, and threw away the keys. My only companion being Al, who was there to remind me of what I needed to do.

"Winry," I asked absent-mindedly. "Will you wait for me?"

Al sent me one questioning look, but shook his head, deciding against asking into it.

My barrier was set. I slipped the glove back onto my hand, and took one last glance out the window of the train; preparing for what we had in store.

It was raining again. I had always hated the rain since the day he left me behind. It was raining then, too. Rain filled me with such a longing feeling. I could never just sit through it and study automail like I used to. No, instead, I would stand at the window for as long as I could, staring out hopelessly at the muddied, rolling hills of Rizenbul. I never had the nerve to tell Granny what had happened, but I think somehow she knows. She always knows.

"Winry!" I was jolted out of my thoughts, turning around to face her there.

"G-granny-"

"Winry, enough staring out of the window like that! Either study or go to sleep!" I knew that if I were to go upstairs, I would find myself gazing out the window in my room, and the occasional rumble of thunder would keep me up, making going to sleep out of the question. And in this state, I couldn't study had I wanted to. "Honestly, ever since that one trip to central… Winry. What happened to you there?"

"He left." I muttered simply. "He left me behind…" I could feel a lump welling up in my throat, and choked it back, saying: "Granny, I'm going to go to sleep." I headed upstairs as fast as my feet would carry me.

She had done it; touched upon things in my memories that did not want to be touched. Especially when it was like this outside. The rain reminded me of that. It reminded me of him. I could think clearly about it now, his image engraved into my memory. I plopped down on my back on my bed, the lightning illuminating my room, beams of light bouncing off cast-aside tools and parts. Thinking back at it now…

Was he crying, too? No. I shook my head. No, it was just the rain. Did it even hurt him at all to leave me behind? … Of course it did, I'm his childhood friend!

Friend…

I remember now, he and Al had fought over the silliest things as kids, like who would marry me when they grew up. I had refused the both of them in the end, Ed for being too short. So many fun times together, growing up… It had only been after their mother died that they became more distant from me. Not telling me what they were doing, what they were planning…

Not until they tried to bring back their mom. But even then… Ed was… like a vegetable. It was the military that brought that mischievous sparkle in his eyes back to life. Not me. And I had really tried, too. The military had taken away the two most important people to me once again. The irony was almost laughable.

Was I really that important to him? No, now it's just Al. No one but Al. Al, Al, Al… Not Winry, but Al. He didn't even send me letters anymore. No, he never cared. I was just the mechanic; nothing but.

I should just forget about him. Maybe just move on; finally accept one of the other boy's requests for a date. Nick wasn't so bad; at least he was taller than me, unlike Ed. I had to admit though, aside from his height, Ed was far better built than he was. Much better, and his face was so much more handsome, with a childish side to it only he would let me see. Nick was… well, ordinary. We had nothing in common. But then again, other than growing up together, neither did Ed and I. I had automail, he had alchemy. And Nick was… according to Nelly, rather wild at times. So that made me uncertain. That, and I didn't know what to do, as I still have feelings for Ed. Huh. I guess I'll just wait and see. It's not like Ed's going to come back…

… Is he?

I turned over, pulling some of the covers over me. I'll sleep on it, that's what I'll do.

NA:

THIS IS THE OPENING CHAPTER; IT IS MEANT TO BE SHORT. CHAPTERS WILL BE LONGER AS THE FANFICTION PROGRESSES. THANK YOU.

One of my many fanfiction ideas for FMA. I don't even remember how this one came to me anymore. But, yes. Expect this to be rather angsty as it goes on. ;D

Rei