Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They belong to Masashi Kisimoto (Please don't kill me if I spelled it wrong. Names are not my strong side)
Claimer: I do own the random plot of this story to some people's delight (I hope) and to some people's desperation…
Warning: This text might cause mental images that you don't want to have, especially the ones where one of the characters sings a song that is so not him to sing. In other words: READ IT!!
Those of you who have read my texts "Hn" and "A night in the Akatsuki hideout" know how random I can be. Well this text is random on the same level if not even more random…Coke + me + chocolate. Do I need to say more? Now enjoy!;) And review or I'll send Pein/Nagato and his Rinnegan on you…
Akatsuki musical, the most random version ever
Pein, Tobi, Kisame, Hidan, Itachi, Kakuzu, Deidara, Sasori, Konan and Zetzu all steps out on the scene. Hidan, Deidara and Kisame smirk when they see how many people who have met just to see the musical.
Pein steps forward and says: "Presenting Akatsuki the musical".
"Now even more random than before!" Zetzu's white side says. "No it isn't!" the dark side says.
Konan rolls her eyes at him and says: "Enjoy!" Itachi sends them all death glares that clearly say that he'll kill them with his Mangekyo Sharingan if they don't.
The lights shut down causing it to be completely dark on the stage. Suddenly a flashlight lights up and you can see Peins face. He is wearing a hood. He snaps with his fingers and a single spotlight hits him. Pein takes of the hood and starts singing "Carrot Juice is murder" while pointing at his hair.
"Listen up brothers and sisters,
come hear my desperate tale.
I speak of our friends of nature…
…This killing of veggies is madness,
I say we take up the fight.
…Don't think that they don't have feelings,
just cause a radish can't scream."
He starts clapping his hands together encouraging the audience to do the same when he reaches the chorus.
"I've heard the screams of the vegetables (scream, scream, scream)….
…Carrot juice constitutes murder (and that's a real crime)…
….It's time to stop all this gardening (it's dirty as hell)…"
Pein drags Zetzu and Kisame into the stage before he continues…
"…I saw a man eating celery,
so I beat him black and blue…"
The light gets turned on and Itachi, Hidan, Deidara and Sasori enter the stage wearing colorful tights with pink hotpants over and tight t-shirts. Sasori is carrying a pink CD-player. Deidara and Hidan push Pein off the stage.
Sasori puts the CD-player down and pushes the play button. Call on me by Eric Prydz fills the room and the boys start to dance. They're swinging their hips in every direction while singing loudly the lyrics.
"Call on meeeeee call on meeeeee…"
Sasori and Deidara turns around, their backs againts the audience shaking their butts. Hidan and Itachi smirk and slaps them on their butts.
Just then Orochimaru enters the stage and starts doing some sexual moves to the song while shouting: "Sleeeeep with meeeee sleep with meeeeeee…"
Deidara, Itachi, Hidan and Sasori freezes a second before all of them starts running after him angry as hell. Orochimaru runs out of the stage while laughing: "Kukukukukuk…."
Suddenly Sasuke appears on the stage looking after Orochimaru. He sits down on the floor and says "Hn". Itachi returns and sees Sasuke. He walks against him and makes an attempt on poking him.
Sasuke stands up abruptly and starts singing, in the melody of Pokerface by Lady GaGa: "Can't poke my can't poke my no you can't poke on my emoooo faceeee… you can try but you will faaaaaail…"
Itachi looks weirdly at him and says "Hn" before he easily steps forward and pokes Sasuke on the forehead. "You know what Sasuke? You will never be able to be Lady GaGa. You know why? You lack rhythm!"
Sasuke gives him a death glare before Orochimaru returns to the stage and pulls him with him. Hidan shows them the finger and shouts: "Fucking snakebitch!" "Hn" Itachi says while shrugging.
An angry Pein goes onto the stage and says: "Guys this is supposed to be a musical not a theatre! Let's sing and dance like real criminals"
The song "Smooth Criminals" starts playing and Pein, Hidan, Itachi and Deidara do the moonwalk. Sasori enters the stage wearing a costume that makes him look like a cow and changes the music to "Milkshake". He smirks and starts shaking himself against the audience. The rest of the Akatsuki starts howling with laughter.
As he starts singing as well every member of the Akatsuki is on the floor laughing their asses off at him. "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yaaaard…and their like it's better than youuuurs…"
Konan enters the stage with a huge motor saw in her hands and an evil smile. She cuts the CD-player in two. Everyone looks crept out and runs off the stage. Well everyone except Hidan who crosses his arms and says: "Is that all bitch? A flying monkey could have done it fucking better than that!"
Konan looks at him with a murderous glance and starts swinging the motor saw from side to side while running against him. Hidan doesn't move until some tentacles wrap themselves around him and drags him out of the stage. Hidan looks disgusted and shouts: "Gaaaah tentacle rape! …Fuck you Kakuzu!"
Konan turns to the audience and smiles sweetly while saying: "I have always hated that song!" Then she walks out of the stage.
A few seconds later Tobi enters the stage and starts singing the Teletubbies theme song. "Tiiinkyy Wiiinkii…Dipsyyyyyy …Laaaalaaaaa ….Po…" He changes from singing soprano to very dark. Someone from the audience stands up and throws a tomato at him and says: "You suck Madara!"
Pein enters the stage again looking pissed. He is obviously drunk because he is having a hiccup and sways a bit. He rips of his mask and says: "That's right you fucking prune! You stink!" Madara is about to activate his Mangekyo Sharingan but someone from the audience throws several tomatoes on him causing him to faint.
Pein actually laughs evilly and says: "And noow! The last song! Can we get everyone from the Akatsuki on the stage?" Only Konan appears. Pein looks real annoyed and starts shouting: "I SAID CAN I GET EVERYONE FROM THE AKATSUKI ON THE STAGE?!!!!!!" Nobody comes.
He looks pissed and accidentally stamps on Tobi's aka Madara's mask, which breaks into pieces. Madara aka Tobi shouts: "That was my mask you idiot! Hn!" Pein narrowes his eyes and stamps on Madara's face causing him to faint again.
Pein snickers a bit evilly before he starts shouting again: "GET YOUR DAMN LAZY ASSES OVER HERE!" Nobody comes. Konan huffs and shouts: "GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU ALL WITH MY MOTOR SAW!" Everybody arrive the stage looking frightened.
Hidan has some sort of a sword through his right hand after a ritual. Kakuzu is counting his money. Itachi is fixing his hair in a mirror. Zetzu is eating something. Kisame is telling Sasori jokes, which he doesn't seem to get. Deidara is making a bird of clay while snickering evilly. Pein looks angrily at them. "Okay kiddos let's do the ending song!"
Everybody turn around to face the audience while doing the ketchupsong-dance and singing: "Aserehé,he ha he he habe tu de hevere sebiunouva mahavi an a budui an a buididipí…"
Suddenly Deidara shouts: "Everything ends with a bang!" One second later a huge explosion appears in the room. The sound of people screaming fills the room and the audience runs the fastest they can out.
Pein looks annoyed at Deidara and said: "Did you really have to do that?" "Do you have any idea about how much it will cost us to repair the damages that are done to this room now?" Kakuzu said angrily.
Deidara chuckles innocently and says: "But leader, every good musical has an exploding ending!" Hidan actually smiles a bit and says: "That's damn fucking right!" Deidara and Hidan high-fives. Pein and Kakuzu looks at them with murderous glances.
Zetzu finds a burned Sasuke and says loudly and excited: "Look! A roasted duck!!" Sasuke gives him death glares, stands up and leaves the room…eh what's left of it. Everyone sweatdroppes. "Now, clean up this mess! I'll find another CD-player so you can work with music on" Pein says in a leaderish voice.
When he pressed play on the CD-player the song "Milkshake" spreads around in the room. A few seconds later everyone looks crept out at Konan who had managed to smash the CD-player. She wipes some dust of her clothes and says: "As I mentioned before…I hate that song…" Everybody sweatdroppes. Kakuzu looks at Konan angrily. "There went my last savings…" he mutters.