A/N: Glory be to the kink meme. This thing is only partly my fault. Also, rated mature for a few hard profane words.
-x X x-
After a particularly bad week of disastrous courting attempts, Mikael slammed down his eighth bottle of mead and shot to his feet. Stumbling from the bar to the center of the Bannered Mare, he grabbed his lute and strummed it loudly and off-key.
Listen long! Listen well!
I've a song for this hell!
For this shithole called Whiterun,
Where dames laugh at your spell.
If you're a man, use your hand!
Women don't understand
That we just want to plow them
And their anger is grand!
Olfina the fair,
Such an infuriated stare!
I just want in your knickers,
No need for the glare!
Irileth the Housecarl,
You must be banging our Jarl
Since you rudely bitch-slapped me
And don't give me that snarl!
Aela the Huntress,
Your Companions did witness
My arse struck by arrows
After my lust was confessed!
Uthgerd the Unbroken,
You rejected my token
Of love by punching me
Before I'd even spoken!
Adrienne the blacksmith,
Must be a child of Lilith!
For only a demoness
Sends her spouse twice my width!
Danica the pure,
Acting prim and demure,
Lesbian only around me!
Why must I endure?!
Carlotta the beauty,
I was only doing my duty
As a man seeking romance
And smoking MILF booty!
Dovahkiin! Dovahkiin!
Of the cunts, you are QUEEN!
Broke my heart ten times over!
Hope you get fucked all obscene!
In the midst of his highly inappropriate song, Mikael noticed too late the enraged women closing in on him, with the growling Dragonborn at the forefront, lightning sparking from her hands.
...And not a minute later, in the Great Hall of Dragonsreach, Jarl Balgruuf glanced at his steward when a sonic boom erupted from the plains district of the city.
"Ah, the Dragonborn must be in town. Proventius, go ahead and arrange for her umpteenth release from arrest, as she's only going to throw gold coins at us until her bounty is paid off, anyway. Though I wonder which unfortunate soul ignited her temper this time?"