By the time Myka forced herself home she hadn't been back in almost a year. There had been plenty of excuses, honest ones but excuses none the less. She'd been busy and the degree she was on track for required all the work she'd put in. Her parents understood that, they welcomed it but it was Christmas and Myka wanted to be home for the holidays.
Paying the cab driver and assuring him that no, she'd be fine with her bags Myka stopped outside of Bering and Son's. The winter evening's air should have been relaxing, festive and full of promise for the holiday to come but instead her gut just twisted and Myka found herself shivering, literally frozen to the side walk as lights shone down from the apartment above her parent's store.
"This is so stupid." She whispered to herself tucking windblown curls behind her ears as neatly as she could and adjusting her beanie.
"You're home, you want to be here!"
Home was one thing and the store would always be that, first trip home since transitioning though! That was a big deal, a big deal that she really, genuinely did not have a clue about the out come of. Sure her parents knew, they'd known since a painstakingly composed e-mail freshman year and her visit home last Christmas but the reality of her life was more than theoretical now, it was more than words on a page. A years worth of hrt plus the growing comfort in her own skin that transition and college afforded were sure to bring her family a different prodigal than the one they imagined.
Closed for the night, the store remained familiar. Floor boards creaked were they always had, the smell of paper and old leather bindings took years away and despite a cover of darkness Myka could have listed an index of the stores likely content and where to find the works of Shakespeare or Proust's Swan's Way in the original French without even the meager light that the stair way leading to her parent's apartment provided.
Her tentative journey upstairs was inevitably accompanied by smells particular to the season, cinnamon, cookies and apple cider wound their way down the stair case. Voices filled with warmth and laughter penetrated the old wooden door that was the last remaining barrier between Myka and her family, between welcome or rejection. Choosing to accept the festive promise she was met with Myka steeled herself a final time and made her way inside.
"Mom ? Dad ? Tracy?" She called into the brightly lit hall way.
Laying down her bags and removing her hat and gloves to again tidy her hair, Myka nervously combed fingers through her curls. Tucking and then un tucking them from behind her ears she quickly forced herself to stop, arms dropping to her side, fists wound tightly into two knots.
"I'm home!" She continued as laughter and conversation ceased and her family appeared in the hall way.
For the briefest of moments the Berings stood together in silence, taking the moment in for the meaning that it had until Myka's Mom stepped forward.
"Sweetheart." She comforted
Myka let out the breath she'd been holding as with warm eyes and out stretched arms Jeannie Bering drew her daughter into a hug.
"You're cold!" She continued, rubbing hands up and down Myka's arms as she withdrew from the embrace.
"And look at this hair! Where did it all come from eh?" She announced bringing a tender hand to Myka's face, lacing their fingers together with the other.
"It just grew out this way." Myka replied with a nervous laugh.
"I've been thinking about straightening it."
"Oh no, no don't you touch it!" Her mother assured.
"You look just like your grandma, doesn't she Warren?"
Myka drew her gaze to meet her father's. He nodded in unavoidable admition drawing his attention back to his wife.
"If you say so Jeannie."
"Definitely." Jeannie assured once more, squeezing Myka's hand.
"Let's get you warmed up!"
Familial warmth in her childhood home was quickly forthcoming and Myka was plied with Cider and cookies as her family gathered around a warming fire and their Christmas tree. She'd been seriously nervous about what her home coming might bring but it seemed like her mother at least, was making every effort to re assure her. Since Myka's arrival Jeannie had yet to slip up on pronouns or use her daughter's old name.
Her father and sister had been quieter.
Myka had never been close with Tracy, they were siblings but their lives were always separate. They seemed to want different things out of life and life certainly seemed to want different things out of them. Still, Myka could tell that Tracy was trying. She was staring too, obviously still trying to work her sibling, her sister, out.
Myka's Dad remained a particular presence in her life. They weren't close, even if they were a lot alike. They read the same books, knew the same languages and both found refuge in the store and what it offered but honestly, Myka was as nervous and as fearfull of him as she'd always been. Their similarity had only ever encouraged her father to push her and it seemed like she'd never lived up to his expectations. She was sure that her transition would only complicate things between them.
Conversation remained generally quiet, happy but quiet. The topic stayed mostly on the subject of Myka's education and on college. The elephant in the room had been talked out a year ago and her family were avoiding the reality that this was the first year they visibly had two daughters, instead of a daughter and a son. Myka hadn't decided how she felt about their avoidance yet.
They were deep into the subject of her Victorian literature class and decidedly away from the possibility of her continued participation in the university's competitive fencing, when her phone began to buzz. She'd been prepared enough for her father's stance on the matter to switch it to silent before arriving but she answered it anyway.
"Sorry." She non the less apologised. Flashing a quick, nervous smile at her parents.
"It'll just take a minute."
The display read Pete and she quickly hit answer, letting out a breath of stored up tension as she drew the phone to her ear.
"Hey." She greeted.
"Ophelia, pray tell how doth milady?" Came a jolly reply before the voice continued in an only slightly heavier tone.
"How're you doing Mykes?"
Myka laughed and relaxed against the door inside her childhood bedroom.
"Well it could be worse. I haven't managed to completely piss my Dad off yet or disappoint him too much, as far as I can tell at least. Mom's trying though."
"Well score one for you huh? See I told you it'd be fine."
"So far." Myka clarified.
"Remember it's not the same for me. They're not your family."
"Well yeah, the Lattimers are pretty awesome!" Came Pete's reply.
Pete Lattimer had been an unlikely friend. They shared a history class under the curmudgeonly tutelage of Professor Nielsen but on paper they shared little else other than the medical care of Dr. Frederick at the Regency clinic. Pete was a sweet guy, being friends with him was sometimes a little like living in a cartoon but he had her back. He actually seemed to get her and like her. He was good for her too and she enjoyed his influence in her life. He had his own issues which were mostly in the past but he was blessed with a mother and sister that he was insanely close to. A family he'd trusted unflinchingly through his own transition.
"You're gonna be okay Mykes." He continued.
"If any body can do this it's you! You're pretty awesome you know."
"Yeah." Myka confirmed only half earnestly, bringing up a hand to massage the back of her neck.
"You tell 'em?" Pete asked, seriously this time.
"Are you kidding?" She laughed.
"Transition is enough to deal with without bringing up anything else!"
"Okay." Pete agreed.
"But if you need anything..."
"...then you're only a phone call away." Myka completed.
"Thanks."
"Anytime." Pete assured.
"Now go, eat cookies! Drink cider! Go excersize that mountain blood and get colder than any human being has business getting!"
"Will do." She agreed again, through a thankful grin.
"Have a good time with your Mom and your sister! And say hi to Kelly for me."
When she re entered her family's living room all eyes were on her expectantly.
"A boy?" Her Mom smiled knowingly as Myka sat down and picked up her drink.
That she'd dated guys wasn't a big deal for her family, even for her Dad. They'd known about that and even been fond of Sam in her senior year of high school, before everything that happened with him, before he left. That was not her relationship with Pete though. Even if it wasn't for his girlfriend Kelly she just didn't think about Pete that way! He was like her brother and they were closer than they'd ever have been if they'd dated.
"No Mom... God no!" She got out quickly, almost on instinct, reeling back from the idea.
"It was a boy but Pete's just a friend okay?"
"Okay." Jeannie replied, raising her hands skeptically.
"If you say so honey."
This happened a lot when people first met her and Pete. It was frustrating that their first instinct was to pair the two of them up like that. She was used to it though and she wasn't going to push the point too much, not with her family at least, not now.
The evening wore on with more talk and investigation of her academic career and Myka almost... almost let herself relax. A level of acceptance, even one that came with the piercingly quiet judgement of her father was more than she'd hoped for at one point. The Berings were feeling each other out, taking time in their own way to get to know each other again and to work out what the recent permutations in their lives meant to one another, so far at least. Myka had decided to put the effort in to do that.
With effort to concentrate on her family's conversation as earnestly as she could and due to the fact that after Pete's call, her cell phone was both silent and out of her pocket. She failed to notice it buzzing once again.
If she had noticed her phone then her family would certainly not have, in due course, heard a brisk rapping from down stairs on the store's front door.
With the noise, Warren was stirred from his own concentration on the topic at hand, looking up at his wife with a mixture of annoyance and confusion.
"At this hour?" He reproached.
"They can't seriously expect to get service, what do they think we are?"
"It might just be the wind ?" Jeannie offered, hardly sounding like she believed her own theory and adding,
"Just ignore it, they'll go away."
"No, no." Warren huffed.
"They don't get away that easy, I'll go and see what it is." He insisted.
"Be carefull down there in the dark Dad." Myka's sister offered, raising from her seat.
"You want one of us to come with you?"
"Don't fuss!" Warren called back from the top of the staircase.
Warren Bering certainly knew his own store well enough to be in no danger at all from the dark, even if there were a few loose floor boards poking up or down from wear or from age. Despite his years or his family's concern he considered himself quite capable of seeing off customers who didn't understand that a store's opening time came with a limit!
What he found at the door was a young women taking refuge from the evening's flurry of snow. She wore a long dark overcoat and a mid blue shirt poked up from behind her grey scarf, it spilled out in twists from underneath her coat's collar in contrast to her waves of dark hair and she made quite the striking image. Pulling a hand away from it's rest deep in her pocket and running it through the length of her hair, she gave Warren what he could only describe as a smirk through the opening door.
"Good evening." She began before Warren could say anything.
"I was wondering if I might speak with Myka? My name's Helena, Helena Wells." She clarified, offering her hand out boldly, in greeting.