A/N: I know I've been neglecting my other stories constantly. Still, I couldn't help but post part 1 of this three shot. This will most likely be followed by a oneshot for Vesper chan's contest. So if you guys LOVE NejiSaku (that means you SB01 :P), support me~!
Inner turmoil, homework and insomnia brought this to you. Remember all my hard work staring at the computer screen for 4 hours straight.
Disclaimer: I'm not a man. Just so you know. :| And just to point out, I like manly men. The guys in this (fucking good) manga have cried more than the girls. Even Kiba. Who I thought was the straightest of them all.
BEGIN STORY!
Ode to Fangirlism
By Matsuri
--
Haruno Sakura—What the hell is she doing here in Suna, you ask? Flirting with MY Kazekage-sama, that's what! About a month ago, the Hokage sent her over to teach the medics in our hospital, 'cause she was like, the best medic-nin in Konoha or something. They also mentioned something about jounin at 14. Well, whatever, 'cause I'm his assistant. Yes, I'm that really hot secretary you see in those sitcoms.
Ha! Haruno Sakura has nothing on me.
She came over with four shinobi (yes, FOUR! Is she that freaking important?) flanking her. She and the other two girls were glomped by Temari-sama, Gaara's (my Gaara, bitch) older sister while the two guys were making light conversation with Kankuro-sama, Gaara's older brother.
The Subaku siblings came out to greet them, because Suna and Konoha were allies—very close allies, thus ambassadors and visitors from the opposite country are given the utmost respect.
The five Konoha-nin bowed to Gaara-sama all at the same time. "Gaara-sama," They greeted him, and he nodded in return.
"Well, we must be going, Kazekage-sama," The white-eyed (seriously, WTF?) dude said and started to turn away with the other guy and the two girls.
"But, Ino-chan, Hina-chan, Shikamaru-kuuun…" Temari-sama cooed, making the four Leaf-nin turn to face her. "Surely, you can't rest for one night? I mean, you've been traveling forever. You need to rest, y'know. Ask the medic-nin."
"True…" The pink-haired whore agreed.
The two boys then sighed. "Fine," They said.
--
So those four Konoha shinobi stayed in the Kazekage Manor with the Sand sibs—IN THE MAIN HOUSE. How many people get to stay in the main house? NO ONE, except the Kazekage and his siblings can sleep in the main house. Heck, I—Gaara-sama's trusted assistant—have to sleep one of in the smaller houses! What the heck is that?
So after those Leaf-nin left, Haruno Sakura still kept on sleeping in the main house. Just to make sure that she doesn't do something weird to Gaara-sama, I'll be hanging out late finishing some paperwork. – Insert evil laugh here –
"Matsuri-chan!"
I heard Temari-sama calling me. I don't know why, but she seems to call every female around her by 'chan'. Somehow, she is also the most dangerous of the Sand Siblings. No joke intended. Gaara-sama is kind now.
"Hai, Temari-sama?" I asked, looking up from the pile of papers that I placed on the dining table to make it look like I'm working. In front of me was Temari-sama with the pink-bitch (yes, that's her name) in hand.
"Saku-chan and I are going shopping, 'cause her clothes are too exposing for this place." She said, and pointed to the red marks on the pink-bitch's shoulders, making her look even more pink.
"I told you Tema-chan, I'm a medic. I can just heal my sunburn." She put her gloved hand on her shoulder and it started glowing green. If I didn't know any better (but I do, because I am an awesome kunoichi and the Kazekage's assistant—so HA!), I would think she was radioactive or something. "See?"
Showoff.
"Saku-chan, I know you are more than capable of healing yourself, but isn't it just so troublesome to keep on wasting you chakra healing yourself over and over again? After all, you need to conserve that chakra to teach the students in the hospital, am I right?" Temari-sama pointed out.
Pink-bitch slumped in defeat. Ha! Pink-bitch got PWND.
I plastered the fakest smile I could muster on my face, hoping pink-bitch would take a hint. "Oh cool! I would love to go shopping with you!"
This gives me more of a chance to see if she's aiming for my Gaara.
It was mid-afternoon when Temari-sama, pink-bitch and I left the Kazekage's Manor. Temari-sama took us to all those high-end shops, and the pink-bitch just kept on whining about how she didn't need this hospitality and how she hates shopping and such. Then she mumbled something about a pig. Like, WTH? I wanted to say that to her, but that would be disrespectful. Besides, if I did, Temari-sama would tell on me, and Gaara-sama would think badly of me.
So Temari-sama just dragged her along and took her to all the shinobi shops to get her some gear and clothes. At one point, Temari-sama put her in a bikini, and I saw that she was tall and slim. She had a flat stomach and curves in all the right places. She was, overall, pretty.
This is BAD!
I HAVE COMPETITION IN THE NICE BODY CATEGORY!
I mean, seriously, who else could look this good in a mini-skirt? Pink-bitch wears black shorts and those pink flap thingies attached. Her vest was all bulky, and her shirt—BRIGHT RED—clashes with her hair! That reminds me, who else in the freaking world has pink hair?
After about 3 hours of shopping, Temari-sama got her tons of clothes, and she ended up in a white long-sleeved zip up mini-dress until the mid thigh, and the rest of the thigh was net. After that she had her black boots. Her neckline was low and off-shoulder, and her sleeveless net undershirt was high necked.
Ugly and sluttish, am I right?
--
The second week pink-bitch was here, she reported to Gaara while I was in his office, fixing some papers.
"Kazekage-sama, I just needed to drop off the report on how the medical students are doing." She said as she laid the stack of papers on the desk.
"Of course, Haruno." Gaara-sama said impassively, waving her off and spinning on his swivel chair.
Oh my god, whenever he did that, it made him look so hot and mysterious! I mean, don't you just love—
Oh, back to the story.
Anyways, while she was finally leaving Gaara-sama and me alone again, he called her by her last name.
"Hai, Kazekage-sama?"
"You don't have to refer to me so formally. After all, a friend of Naruto's is my friend too." He said with a smile. A smile! Why did he smile at her? And who was that Naruto guy again? Sounds familiar…
"But Gaara-kun, you don't have to go around calling me by my last name either." She reprimanded the Kazekage, and in a joking tone. She then laughed, as if she enjoyed laughing at the Kazekage. "Geez, I don't know how Naruto could cope with you. Then again, I don't understand how Naruto does anything…"
She mumbled the last part. Why does she keep on talking about this Fishcake dude? And who would be named after a food?
"Of course, Sakura." He chuckled.
"Panda, Panda, what am I to do with you?" Pink-bitch laughed—
Did she just call him Panda?
"Do not forget I am authorized to fire you." Gaara-sama retorted, and Pink-bitch left the room really quickly.
I narrowed my eyes and stared at the spot she last stood on, until Gaara called for me.
"Organize the papers for the Konoha-Suna summit next month." He asked, then left the room for that meeting with the elders.
--
I was innocently doing some paperwork in the main house's kitchen when I heard some
--
I accompanied Gaara-sama to check in the hospital, where, coincidentally, pink-bitch assisted when she wasn't teaching on the weekends. I came with a clipboard and a pen, looking all professional and stuff. Surely, pink-bitch stumbling with a bunch of papers can't compete with me.
But then, as she was about to humiliate herself by tripping on a nurse pushing a cart, an arm of sand caught her fall and the papers that were about to scatter along with her.
Guess who's arm of sand caught her.
"My bad Gaara-san. Sorry." She laughed, feeling around the floor and not making eye contact with anyone.
Gaara-sama's arm of sand held up a pair of red-framed glasses up to her face. "Looking for these?"
Pink-bitch was blind? Another point for me~
"Ah, thank you, Panda." She smiled, taking them from the sand.
"Your welcome, Cherry." He chuckled. CHUCKLED. How come he never does that with me? "Anyways, since when did you have glasses?"
"Enemy interrogation techniques are low. REALLY LOW. But I wear contacts most of the time." She replied. "Thanks again, Gaara-kun." Pink-bitch said before getting her papers and leaving.
After she left I swore I saw Gaara-sama smirk.
--
The night of that Akatsuki attack, my Gaara-sama got hauled off as a dead body in a giant misshaped bird! My poor Gaara, off somewhere with some Akatsuki thugs! I was so shocked, I couldn't move. I nearly fainted if it weren't for the sound of explosions everywhere!
The whole time (except for when I was in shock) I was cheering for Gaara-sama the whole time, with Kankuro-sama. Temari-sama wasn't there, because she was in Konoha for a pre-summit meeting or something. Whatever it was, she and the pink-bitch were out of sight.
Ha! Take that, pinky. I'm cheering for my Kazekage while you are probably quivering in your Leaf-nin undies!
Anyways, here I am now, helping move the rubble of the first explosion at the village walls. The pink-bitch was in proximity again, healing the people I dug up. That was until she passed out, and everyone went rushing to her.
"Haruno-sama! Haruno-sama!"
When did she become Haruno-sama?
"I-I'm fine." She stuttered, grabbing on to a shinobi's arm for support. "Just used my chakra, that's all."
"You need to rest now, Haruno-sama." The shinobi said.
"No, let me finish." She said, and rolled her arms up. She then bit her finger to draw out blood and drew all over her arms. She then did a summoning jutsu and out popped a…slug? EW!
"You summoned me, Sakura-sama?" The slug…thing said.
"Hai, Katsyuu. I need you to help heal these people. There are too many people for us to handle. Could you help out a bit? Use the rest of my chakra reserves if you have to." Pink-bitch replied.
She was going to finish her reserves? This wasn't even her village! Why would she do anything like that?
But before her little (showoff-y) jutsu could start, a team of jounin came running through carrying someone on a stretcher. He called out to Baki, who then summoned the pink-bitch. She went over and when she saw who was on the stretcher, she immediately ran back to her spot, consulted the slug-thing and led the group towards the hospital.
Who exactly was so important that the other medics couldn't handle?
--
A few hours later, majority of the victims have been healed, and we were all waiting for orders.
Pretty much anyone was in the assembly room, aside from those on guard duty. As most of mumbled conversations continued, Temari-sama and a bunch of other people burst through the back doors.
"BAKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!" Temari-sama ran through the crowds and we all collectively 'huh?'-ed.
Baki-sama was strange. He has a piece of cloth covering half of his face, and the other half was painted in red. He came out of the room just as Temari-sama jumped to tackle him, and she started shaking the poor dude repeatedly.
"MY BROTHERS! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY POOR CAT-CHAN AND PANDA-CHAN??" She started running in circles while two Konoha shinobi came in from the door. Chiyo-baa-sama suddenly attacked the white-haired masked one, thinking he was the White Fang or whatever. Quite pathetic if you ask me.
"Temari…" Baki tried to say, but Temari-sama just kept on shaking him and crying.
"MY POOR BABY BROTHERS!! AFTER THEM, WHAT OTHER CHIBIS ARE WILLING TO TEST OUT MY COOKING? I CAN'T PUT SOME—"
"TEMARI, KANKURO IS FINE!!" Baki shouted back, grabbing Temari-sama by the shoulders. "STOP CRYING!!"
She sat up and pouted like a puppy and started wiping the tears off her face. "So he's fine?" She asked and Baki nodded. "Haruno-san saved him."
"HARUNO? YOU MEAN SAKURA-CHAN IS HERE?" The blonde guy named Naruto (yeah, I remember him now) suddenly jumped up and tackled Baki again. "TELL ME WHERE SHE IS!"
Diplomats.
--
BAKI WOULDN'T LET ME FINDMY GAARA-SAMA!! MY POOR GAARA-SAMA, ROTTING IN SOME DANK CAVE WITH AKATSUKI!!
And guess who was sent to find him.
Pink-bitch somehow woke up from that 24-hour coma and was sent with her old team to find my poor Gaara-sama. How can she be trusted? I haven't even seen what she can do! Sure, she's a good medic-nin and all. But out on the field, what good is that?
I'm going to be busy sulking with Temari-sama.
--
THEY FOUND HIM!! THEY FOUND GAARA-SAMA!!
I can't help but dance for joy when Chiyo-baa-sama raised him! Plus, that old hag—
I mean, we shall miss you Chiyo-baa-sama.
Back to the story…
GAARA-SAMA IS ALIVE! He was able to stand and he told us to mourn for Chiyo-baa-sama! It's a miracle! He's healthy enough to give orders!
"Gaara-sama!" Another girl cried, jumping in front of me to get to Gaara-sama first.
I grabbed her vest to stop her. "MINE BITCH!" I cried, throwing her back. "Gaara-sama!!" I ran forward through the crowd only to see him…kissing…
It's unbelievable! Gaara-sama was kneeling on the ground, pink-bitch on his lap. He had his arms around her waist and her hand was in his hair. His soft, red hair…
THAT SHOULD BE ME! WHY IS SHE THERE ANYWAYS?
When they broke apart, they murmured quietly. So quiet, that I couldn't even hear. It was either that or because the other girls were crying to loud. I'm not sure, but the goddamn bitch smiled when they whispered to each other, before punching the Kazekage on the shoulder. She is so in for it now. Just look at Temari-sama's face! She's fuming!
"THANK YOU SAKU-CHAN!!"
WHAT THE FUCK?
Temari-sama was swinging pink-bitch around like a teddy bear happily. The reason why? I don't really know. She probably fucking lost her mind with Kankuro-sama as her brother (did you know, he has this weird thing for…oh never mind. This is a rated T story).
"KANKY-CHAN! YOU OWE ME TEN THOUSAND YEN!!" Temari-sama cried, pointing at Kankuro-sama.
"DAMN!"
"I'M GONNA GET A SISTER IN -LAW!!"
--
So this, dear readers, is where my tragic story ends. Everyday, I indulge myself in ice cream (low fat, some of us still have to keep our figure!) as I watch them play with their redhead son and their fuchsia (is it fuchsia? I can't tell) haired daughter. I watch her work in the Suna hospital in the daytime and come to the tower at night with their two kids to pick up 'daddy'.
Goodbye dear readers, hope you enjoyed my sorrowful recollection of how I lost Gaara-sama to that pink-haired bitch, Haruno Sakura.
--
I love torturing characters I don't like. :))
Reviews are appreciated! :D