We arrived at the platform with just a few minutes spare before the Hogwarts Express left. My mother was talking with Aunt Druella, my brother Regulus holding her hand and looking very nervous. I gave him a reassuring smile and he smiled back, but my mother cut in before I could even open my mouth. She was like that - never letting me have my say.
"Now, go find Bellatrix. She'll make sure you have good company." I groaned. My mother always seemed to trust Bella with everything, even with finding me rich, pureblood friends. In her opinion, my cousin would make a much better daughter than I did a son; not that I had ever been particularly bad, I stayed away from muggles and mudbloods and listened to her instructions, but I didn't agree with their opinions and that made me different.
"Hurry up, Sirius. You'll miss the train!"
I bent down and said goodbye to Reg. He would probably be counted as my best friend as well as my brother - I was never allowed to talk to anyone who wasn't pureblood (meaning no one but the so-called 'Sacred Twenty Eight'). I did have one decent cousin, though - Andy. She understood my life discomfort at their ideas of killing everyone who wasn't like them. But the train blew a final whistle, and I had to rush if I was going to make it to Hogwarts for my first year.
I scrambled onto the train just as it was about to leave and crashed into Bella. Yay.
"Bit late, aren't we?" she drawled.
"Well, my favourite cousin, do correct me if I'm wrong, but to me I appear to be on the train." She rolled her eyes and was clearly annoyed by my retaliation. One point to me.
"Fuck off. I don't have time to deal with your immaturity."
"Happily."
I stormed off down the train in search of Andy. She was by far the best of my cousins. She would at least be nice; I'd never been away from home for more than a few hours, and I needed someone to talk to. I only ever went anywhere without Bella, Cissy, Andy or an adult when I needed to sneak away to ensure my sanity's safety, which was always at risk in the Black household. Lost in thought once again, I bumped into yet another person who really didn't look happy with me. They glared.
"Watch it!" So I glared back.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I My reply was dripping with sarcasm. Oops. Making enemies before I had even got to school was not a particularly good idea. But for some reason that I couldn't bring to mind, he seemed familiar. Then it struck me - he was James Potter. Oh well, he'd hate me whatever happened, so it didn't really matter.
An annoying, ratty-looking boy was walking next to him, chattering on about the sorting. That's all every first year seemed to be talking about, whether they'll be in this house or that, what they're hoping for, whether their friends will be in the same one, blah, blah, blah. I knew I'd be Slytherin, or that's what my entire (massive) family and pretty much everyone else expected anyway.
"Hufflepuff would be nice, I suppose, or Gryffindor. I just don't want to be Slytherin. Slytherins are mean. I'm not clever enough for Ravenclaw really. What do you think, James? I hope I'm with you." My instinct was to brush aside his words, ignore them, but I didn't, couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, my thoughts kept wondering back to what he said, Slytherins are mean. Yes, it is true. A heartless, egotistical, pureblood-obsessed bully with a god complex? Did I want to become that? I had never really questioned it before - Blacks were Slytherins, everyone knew that. But did I still agree? I wasn't sure whether I could be so certain anymore.
I wandered down the train but everywhere was occupied apart from the very back compartment, which I sat in alone. I was too busy worrying to even acknowledge Andy, who had flopped down next to me. I didn't realise she was there until she spoke.
"Hi. How was your last week of freedom?" I snorted at her choice of words.
"You can't exactly call it freedom."
"True enough, I suppose. How was your last week before you started school? That's a more accurate way to put it."
"Busy. You won't believe how much stuff we had to get from Diagon Alley."
"Yeah, I bet they set you loads of books. They did the same in my first year as well - I mean, they set us Fantastic Beasts which we obviously never used." She paused for a few seconds before continuing.
"Are you ok, Si? You look kind of sad."
"Just thinking."
"About what?"
I hesitated. I could tell Andy, right? She would support me, wouldn't she? She always had in the past, even if she had never been openly against the rest of the family.
"Andy, what if I don't want to be in Slytherin?" I could tell that she was surprised but she hid it quickly.
"I don't know. They can't control you all your life, but then again, they'll go ballistic if you don't follow in their footsteps. It depends on whether you value family loyalty over your beliefs. I can't tell you what to hope for."
I sighed, disappointed. I didn't want to hear that answer - I wanted something more definite. It made me more nervous about the sorting than I thought possible: Slytherin meant becoming just another Black, just another hard-hearted and thoughtless person to add to the world, but anything else meant throwing away my family. How could I be happy with either?
"You never mentioned it before, what changed your mind?"
"Oh, it's just -" I had been interrupted by the door flying open.
"Andromeda Black, we've been separated all summer, and now you think it's the right time to be talking to your baby cousin?"
"First of all, Si isn't a baby; second, I saw you last week; third, why are you using my full name?"
"I was just teasing, Andy. Oh, and Rio asked me out! I can't wait to see him again!" They chatted on about this and that, homework and boys, while I spent the rest of the train ride in silence. I couldn't remember being more unsure about what I wanted to do. The next hour going back and forth, debating with myself about what I really want, before coming to the conclusion that it didn't matter because the hat would choose anyway. But that didn't mean q
As I stepped onto the platform, I heard a voice calling out.
"Firs' years! Firs' years over 'ere!" He was enormous - half giant, had to be. There was a rather anxious looking crowd gathered round him. Potter and Pettigrew (the small one) were among the group, the former still glaring. Unfortunately, I was stuck in a boat with the two of them, along with a girl who almost fainted whenever I so much as looked in her direction. Finally she realised I was going to ignore her, so she started (attempting) to flirt with Potter instead. Let's just say that her idea of flirting isn't an effective way of going about it - if anything, it did the complete opposite. Potter and Pettigrew were sitting in the back having a quiet conversation about me while I sat at the front staring listlessly at the castle ahead. Not the most riveting company, I must say. And to top it all off, in around ten minutes time my entire future would be decided - would I have what I want or my family wants? Unfortunately, I couldn't find out until after the deputy head, Professor McGonagall, finished her speech.
A/N) Edited 8/11/18 (8th of November, I'm British) Just improved some stuff and changed some things :)