22.12.2013 - 24.12.2013
Comfort
Author: Cigamina
Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin
Protagonists: Eren Jäger x Armin Arlert
Part: 1/1
Warnings: none
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately aren't mine, therefore no money-making~ XDDD
Notes: It's my contribution to shiny-metal-wings' Secret Santa activity on tumblr! * 3 *
But I thought that I'd post it here as well~ 3
Summary: Eren is depressed about Christmas, his friend Armin's being with him and cheering him up the only thing to lighten his mood.
Songs I heard while writing the story:
Rapture [Avicii New Generation Mix] - Nadia Ali
Have fun reading!
He hated Christmas.
"Is there something else you would like?"
He absolutely hated Christmas.
"Anything else?"
There was nothing that he hated more than Christmas.
"What do you want?"
He closed his eyes and silently counted backwards from ten to zero when another family entered the store, bracing himself for another cascade of beverages being ordered. Hot chocolate for the kids, coffee for the parents, cinnamon rolls and cheesecake to eat with it. Low-fat milk for mommy. Extra espresso-shot for daddy. Extra cream for the kids. To go. Paid with his credit card. The names, Petra, Auruo, Susie and Danny. Have a great day.
He glanced at the clock and inwardly groaned, he had another three hours to go until the end of his shift. And it was only five, the evening rush would just begin in another hour. Fuck people and their need to stop by this shop on their way home from Christmas-shopping. Or before it. Or in between. Or ALL THREE. This shop was greatly located, on the ground floor of a huge shopping center... they were busy throughout the whole year, but it got especially crazy around Christmas - and Christmas was still a few more days to go. A few days of craziness ahead… he had experienced its horror last year, as well, only then he had been rather new and it hadn't been as bothersome. Today, after almost one and a half years of working here part-time, full-time during the holidays to get more money, he was more than a little fed up with it all. It unnerved him, coffee unnerved him, PEOPLE unnerved him the most. He hated about everyone who entered this shop while was manning the counter - but it helped pay his bills which was the one and only reason he still worked there.
When the store's bells chimed again he glared up at the door darkly, desiring to kill the person entering and wanting to order with his stare alone - but his face instantly lit up when he recognized the young man.
"Wow, Eren, don't you look enthusiastic. If I didn't know you I'd back right out of here right now."
He heard Sasha sigh from somewhere behind him and threw her a glance over his shoulder, his coworker was just fixing Susie's and Danny's hot chocolates and gazing pleadingly at the blond young man.
"Save us, Armin, he's in a particularly foul mood today."
"Don't get how you can still be cheerful. I want to strangle the next person who asks 'What do you need my name for?', just give me the fucking name so I can write it on the fucking cup."
He heard Armin laugh softly and turned his head to look at him, unable to help feeling a little better when he took in the bright blue eyes, the smile turning his lips upwards.
"Oh oh, I think he's really pissed. Can I take him on a short break? You might want to give him a few minutes to prevent a murder here."
Sasha flipped him off, waving her hand in the back door's direction.
"Take him, he's not of much use like that anyway. He's scaring off the customers."
Eren groaned when Sasha passed the drinks to Christa, the third one behind the counter, who put huge amounts or cream onto the kid's hot chocolates and actually walked around the counter to give the drinks to the kids directly, smiling cheerfully at them and asking them what they expected to get from Santa. Petra smiled appreciatingly at her while Auruo threw Eren a look that he found, almost, intimidating.
"They could just not come, I wouldn't have to scare them off, then.", he mumbled to himself as he took off his apron and rounded the counter to grab Armin's wrist, pulling the blond along with him. His friend smiled and waved at the two girls, saying: "I'll try my best to restore his morale.", to which he only replied "Impossible." before the back room door closed behind them.
Eren lead Armin to the store room, grabbing a bottle of coke from the refrigerator where the employees could take free drinks from and hopped onto one off the many stacks of boxes to sit on it. He exhaled a frustrated breath and opened the bottle while Armin closed the door behind them and came over to him, choosing to lean against another stack of boxes next to him. Blue eyes looked at him and Eren took a sip of the cool beverage, offering the bottle to his friend.
"What happened?", Armin asked him while he accepted the bottle, taking a sip from it as well before handing it back.
Eren sighed and lifted the bottle to his lips, throwing his friend a glance.
"Christmas happened, that's all."
Armin nodded, turning around to lean with his elbows onto a protruding box. "Store's all busy busy again?"
Eren nodded, rolling the bottle between his palms while knitting his brows together.
"Yeah, but it's always busy, it's not only that."
"What is it, then?"
He sighed again and took another sip of the coke, handing the bottle over to Armin again afterwards.
"It's… people. Stressed people running around like they're chased, trying to buy presents like it was the most important thing in the world… the damn music all around, it's driving me nuts. Being stressed makes them rude and absent-minded when ordering and it's all just so fucking annoying, really, Armin, I'm going crazy. I'll be so happy when it's all over. …and on top of that I just hate Christmas in general."
It was Armin's turn to sigh and Eren knew that Armin knew where the conversation was heading when the blue eyes were overshadowed by sadness. "Eren…" The blond moved to stand in front of him, between his legs, and Eren just dipped forward slightly to place his forehead on his friend's shoulder.
"I know… I know.", the blond said, the sadness also settling in his voice when he leaned in to hug Eren, sliding a hand up to his neck to stroke his hair. The gesture was a welcomed one and Eren closed his eyes, putting an arm around Armin' waist while the other hand held the open bottle. Armin's fingers threaded into his hair, curling in the dark-brown strands and Eren sighed, not minding the gentle caress at all. Coming from Armin it was calming, comforting, because he knew that his friend knew and understood him. They didn't have to talk much about it, Armin was empathic enough to understand most things without Eren having to spell them for him. That's why they were best friends.
Armin leaned his head against Eren's for a little while and he felt his aggression fade little by little, the blond's presence always did that for him. They had known each other for so long, had gone to school together and were now at the same college, they were perfectly synchronized.
"You know… the offer still stands, we would be happy to have you over.", Armin said, his voice a little hesitant because he knew about the delicacy of this subject.
Eren sighed and leaned back, making Armin drop his hands to rest on Eren's thighs while they looked at each other.
"I know. But it's not my place to be there. Christmas is about family, and I'm not part of yours." As much as he would love for that to be the case, it just wasn't. And he would feel awkwardly out of place sitting between Armin and his grandfather, watching his parents and his little sister share out presents. No… just no.
Armin looked at him, the sadness heavy in his eyes and he shrugged a little helplessly.
"I'd love you to be there, Eren…"
He wedged up a smile and motioned Armin to step back to hop off the stack of boxes, landing on his feet in front of his friend.
"Thank you, Armin… but I really shouldn't. You spend a great evening with your family. I have to work until 4 anyway… and afterwards I'll just watch Hannibal all over again, I'll be fine." And he'd probably envy the food presented in the series even though he knew the psychopath consumed human meat exclusively.
Armin smiled sadly but nodded, declining the bottle when he was offered another sip.
"No, thanks. Watching Hannibal again does sound good, though."
He smiled for real this time, they had enjoyed watching the series way too much. They had mostly done it together, watching an episode to distract themselves from the exams they were studying for. Eren had been happy to have Armin study with him, watching a series in between sessions had been great to give themselves something to look forward to. It was the best strategy Armin had come up with to get Eren to study. And it had paid off, he had a good feeling about his exams.
"Yeah, I'm looking forward to watching it again.", Eren said, taking another sip of his coke.
"I can imagine. I might do that, too, I suppose there were so many details that we missed while watching it for the first time."
Eren nodded, glad to have the subject changed for now. While he was sure that it would come up again until this damn holiday was over he didn't think Armin would try to talk to him about again today. He leaned against the stack of boxes and cocked his head to the side.
"What are you up to? Did you just pass by and decided to help me kill some time?"
Armin laughed, the sadness mostly gone from his eyes and voice.
"Basically, yes. And to keep you from murdering Sasha, I still need her in math's classes."
"No, she needs YOU, not the other way round.", Eren snorted and rummaged through one of the boxes, getting a few wrapped stacks of napkins. They had been low on them when he had left for his short break and as he was already here he could as well take some napkins to the front to refill the containers.
"It's not entirely altruistic, by explaining things to her I memorize them better, as well. We're mutually using each other so that's fine."
Eren laughed and then jerked his head in the direction of the door.
"I should go back… mind holding the door open for me?"
Armin did so and they made their way back into the store together, Eren already groaning when he saw the line that had formed in front of the counter. He turned to Armin and rolled his eyes at him, setting the stacks of napkins down at the far end of the counter to join his coworkers behind it.
"Gotta work, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah, see you!"
The blond smiled encouragingly at him and waved before he left while Eren went back to man the register. He didn't feel much better than before but seeing Armin had calmed a little, maybe it was going to get him through his shift. Only a few more days... a few days...
He just fucking hated Christmas.
"I'm not in the mood to go home tomorrow… seein' my family is fine but urgh, all the meeting ups… but I guess presents is a great recompense."
"Yeah, I totally expect to get the latest Samsung tablet. That's worth showing up at home for a few days."
"When will you be back? There's a new year's party here, I think of coming back for that one."
"Really? Sounds good, I'll think of coming back as well!"
"We should keep in touch, maybe we could…"
The two girl's voices faded when they left the college's library and Eren glared at their back's, opening his bag more forcefully than he would usually have to take out the books he needed to return.
It was the last day of classes before the holidays and the feeling of general decampment was in the air, people were packing up their bags for going home to their families for Christmas holidays. Eren's ears were hearing the words 'presents' and 'family gatherings' and 'huge dinner' and 'great presents' all over - and he just wanted them to shut the hell up. Christmas was ever year, why talk about it as if it was a once in a lifetime experience...? I made him sick. Especially people who were all like: Fuck the family gathering, I just want my presents! Fuck people for nor appreciating what they had.
He returned his books at the old librarian' desk and only grimaced at her when she wished him a happy Christmas, turning on his heel to leave the library. He just wanted to go home, curling up in his bed for a few hours until he had to go to work. Putting in his ipod's earplugs to drown out the noises of his roommate Reiner's TV and just relaxing for some time.
"Eren! Hey, Eren!"
He looked up and smiled when he saw Armin walking up the corridor toward him, a huge pile of books balanced in his hands. Eren moved towards him, already grabbing for some of the books before saying: "Need help?"
Armin beamed at him and let him take the majority of his books, grabbing the rest of them securely between his hands.
"Thanks, Eren! I have no idea how I ended up borrowing so many books from there...!"
He just snorted, walking side by side with Armin back to the library where the blond obviously planned to give the books back.
"You always hoard books when you're studying, Armin." He was a very diligent student and liked to have all means available to go as deep into a topic as it was possible. Eren found it equally admirable and creepy.
The blond laughed a little sheepishly when they entered the library, getting in the short line that had formed in front of the librarian's desk.
"Ahhhhaha, yes… maybe you're right…!"
Eren carried his share of the books for his friend until they could set them down on the woman's desk for her to delete them from Armin's account. After she wished them a happy Christmas (Eren nearly gagged) they moved away from the desk, Eren planning to head for the library's doors again. Armin however seemed to have other plans, making that clear when pointing towards the back of the library.
"Come with me for a second? I want to get a book for the holidays."
Eren frowned but went with him, shaking his head a little.
"I hope it's not something study-relevant, Armin."
The blond laughed and looked at him, blue eyes brightly shining. Eren had always thought his eyes to be fascinating.
"No Eren, I'm actually getting a book I want to read for enjoyment-reasons."
"Relieving thought."
Armin elbowed him lightly and they walked on, towards the section of the 19th century's literature.
The further they advanced into the building the fewer people they met, people were intent on returning their books instead of searching for new ones. Armin might be one of very few people to actually took books home for reading because he was interested in literature.
Armin turned right into one of the many aisles and Eren followed him, pushing his hands into his pockets while moving his eyes over the endless spines of books presented here. He wasn't the book-type, not at all. He wasn't the type for anything, really, he didn't like playing games at the computer, either. He just wanted to be left alone in his free time, mostly, or spend it with Armin and a few other friends. He wasn't an overly social person and the last thing he wanted after a day of college or a busy shift at Starbuck's was meeting up with friends, chatting and partying with them. Armin was a different matter, though. The blond sometimes came over just to keep him company, tending to his own business while he listened to music or did homework or folded the clothes he had washed. They also watched series together, lazing around on Eren's bed and talking about what they were watching. Or he went over to Armin's place and did some things there, Eren liked Armin's place and his family. He just didn't feel comfortable spending Christmas with them.
"Ahhh here it is~"
Eren looked up when he heard Armin's happy exclamation to see the blond extract a thick book from a shelf, looking down at it fondly. "Great, that'll get me through Christmas, at least."
Eren cocked his head to the side, he highly doubted it. Armin went through books like he was just flipping through them, his speed was almost scary. He'd finish that tome in two days if he got time for reading. Christmas was only two days ahead and Eren was sure that Armin had stuff to do at home, like decorating the three and things like this. Wrapping presents, too.
"So you're done?"
Armin nodded and Eren turned to leave the aisle when he felt his friend's hand grasp his wrist, stopping him. He turned around and looked at Armin, raising his eyebrows in question. Blue eyes were looking at him from beneath his blond fringe, Eren noticed that Armin's hair had grown quite a lot over time. It had been really long in the beginning of the year, Armin had even started to pin up the blond hair. While his mum had hated it Eren had kinda liked it, in a strange way it had made Armin look more mature than his usual haircut would ever do. It was back to that now and Eren wished he would just grow his hair longer again, wearing it pinned up with a few blond strands surrounding his face.
"You… really are not going to change your mind? About Christmas?"
Eren looked at him and sighed, shaking his head. He felt bad for making Armin look so sad but he couldn't change the way he felt - he just thought that he was better off at home on that day.
"No… really, Armin, it's better that way. Thank you for worrying, but I'll be fine."
It was the blond's turn to sigh and he let go of Eren's wrist, hugging the tome to his chest and biting his lip.
"Okay… yeah sure, you will be."
Armin didn't doubt him, Eren had taken care of himself for years, had spend more than one Christmas alone - he would survive this year, too. Spending it in his room at his shared apartment was a million times better than spending it at the orphanage, at least.
His blond friend let go of the tome with one hand to slip his backpack off one of his shoulders, opening the bag's fly and rummaging through it. "Here…" He pulled something from the bag and Eren's eyes softened considerably when he saw what it was. "No, Armin… you really don't need to give me something…" In the blond's hand was a little wrapped package with Eren's name written neatly onto it and Armin smiled, stepping closer to Eren.
"I know, but I wanted to."
He pressed the little package into Eren's hand and shut his fingers around it, keeping his hand there for a few fleeting seconds. "It's not much but I hope you'll like it, Eren."
About to retort that he would be happy about it no matter what it was, because it was coming from Armin, all coherent thought left him when his blond friend looked left and right and then leaned in, brushing his lips gently against Eren's. "Merry Christmas, Eren…" He murmured close to his face, a blush was creeping into the usually pale cheeks and Eren could only stare, at Armin and his lips when the other had pulled enough far enough for him to see them. What… what…? Blue eyes stared back at him and then Armin suddenly seemed flustered, he fidgeted and started saying something for three times until he just exclaimed "See you!" and stormed past Eren, his backpack almost crashing to the floor because he had forgotten he hadn't shouldered it properly.
Eren turned, blinking slowly and looking after him, trying to catch up with the situation. He stayed in the aisle for another little while, his hand raised to touch his lips - they were still tingling where Armin's had touched them.
When he finally had his stuff together so far that he felt safe leaving the aisle he made his way back to the front, looking left and right but not seeing Armin anywhere. Not getting anything he just went home, curling up in his bed like he had wanted to - and thought about what had happened in the library because it just didn't make any sense to him.
Soft orchestra music flowed into his ear in the darkness of his room, the throbbing headache that had built up during his ridiculously busy shift was slowly ebbing away. He had muted the music down as much as his portable CD-player could do, needing some kind of background noise but being unable to stand anything loud. He had put in the 'Lord of the rings' soundtrack because he loved listening to that - Armin had burnt the CD for him. Just like he had basically burnt every CD Eren owned, printed out the cover of the CDs and putting it all in cases so it almost looked like Eren actually had the original CDs.
He smiled slightly when he thought about it, Armin was very skilled with computers anyway. Eren handed his laptop over on a regular basis to make Armin improve it, deleting unnecessary things which he had downloaded by accident and checking that everything was fine with the thing. Armin usually downloaded pretty much everything you could get on special websites and made CDs for Eren whenever he as much as mentioned that he liked a song or soundtrack. Same with movies or books, Armin could usually provide him with about everything.
Eren was very very thankful for everything Armin did. They never talked about it but Armin knew that Eren wouldn't be able to afford even half of the things Armin just sneaked him as if it was nothing. He worked at Starbucks to pay for the room he had in this tiny apartment and for food, college and those expenses were covered by a college loan. There just wasn't much more money left after that, making it impossible for Eren to afford new things all the time. Especially expensive things like computers, phones, tablets, iPods and that stuff. He used one of Armin's old phones, back from the times when phones could do little more than call and write texts. It had actual keys, no touch-screen and shit.
He felt bad so often for getting so much from Armin and not being able to give anything back. But Armin always assured him that it was okay, that he didn't mind sharing his things with Eren because he got so much stuff from his parents. They were wealthy, they had a big house and Armin's whole room was full of technical stuff. He owned about three computers and a laptop (he always said that he needed all the data-space he could get because he had so much stuff) and tons of other stuff that Eren hadn't even heard about, his little sister had so many toys that you basically fell over them when you walked around in their house. Eren had to admit that he was sometimes jealous, on top of the money his parents were really great. They gave their children so much and yet neither Armin nor his sister were spoilt at all, Eren had never met a person as selfless and… good as Armin.
And Armin had kissed him today, in the library, in the section for literature of the 19th century.
He closed his eyes and curled up in his blankets even more, shifting around until he was comfortable again.
It had taken him by surprise… and he had to admit that he was confused about it. A lot. They had… never been like that. They had always been friends, spending a lot of time together and confiding things to each other and protecting each other when they had needed to. They had always been close… now that Eren thought about it they had also been rather physical. He had never thought about it much, that they hugged each other and touched each other in subtle ways - but it seemed striking in retrospective.
Armin had never kissed him before, Eren thought and brought his hand up to his lips in the darkness of the room. They had cuddled when watching movies, Eren had put his head on Armin's chest or Eren had played with his hair, little things like that, but never… anything more.
He knew about Armin being gay - but he had never really considered himself to be. Well, he wasn't really anything, if he was being honest, he had kissed a few girls but never done more with one - Armin was the only boy he had physical contact with, though, and even that was only very mild.
It confused him… because he couldn't say that he hadn't liked it. But it was awkward… because it was Armin. He was his best friend, Eren had never seen anything else in him. Thinking that Armin might be (and the kiss in the library indicated that) interested in him, like physically and overall interested in Eren made him feel weird. Not bad, actually, just… weird.
His thoughts had been running around in circles for a while now and he was starting to get tired of it. In the dark he felt for his phone and unlocked the key lock, staring at the little screen. How many times had he picked up his phone with the intention of writing Armin a text…? Countless times, probably. But he just didn't know what to say. Part of him was waiting for Armin to write, to call him, to explain himself - but somehow Eren doubted that his blond friend would do that. He had seemed flustered after kissing him… maybe he was waiting for Eren's reaction… and he didn't know how to act, goddamnit.
Eren groaned in frustration and turned onto his other side, leaving the phone on the mattress. He was confused… and he had never been able to give Armin his present. He had gotten him a little something, too, and he had wanted to stop by his place that night to give it to him - but after the whole thing he hadn't dared to.
He closed his eyes and curled into a tight ball again, intent on just falling asleep. He would have another two busy days at Starbuck's and hopefully we'd have an epiphany in matters with Armin… he nearly started praying for one.
"Eren, could you quickly give me a hand?"
He was shaken from his thoughts and he blinked, spinning around to see what Sasha needed help with. Seeing her swaying underneath a huge box that really looked heavy he hurried over to her from where he had put chairs upside down on top of tables to clear the floor, taking the box (which was really heavy) from her hands. He received a pat on the back from her and a grateful smile.
"Thanks, brat. Would you just put it in the store room? We're almost done here, too, time to leave soon~"
He nodded and threw a quick glance at the clock before carrying the box into the back of the store. 16:30. They had been really fast today, cleaning up and putting everything away for the evening. It was Christmas eve tonight, they had closed the store at 16:00 and started tidying up immediately, being four people today had helped wrapping things up smoothly. Marco was currently wiping down the counter for a last time and Ymir quickly mobbed the lobby's floor, they would probably be out of here in about 10 minutes.
Eren sighed and put the heavy box down in a corner, straightening up and rolling his shoulders. 10 minutes and then he would have to go home to his empty room. While he was really, really happy that his shift was over and that he didn't have to return here the next day he wasn't really looking forward to having free time, either. He couldn't really do anything with it… all his friends were with their families or loved ones (even Reiner would spend Christmas with his boyfriend) and being poor came with the fact that he didn't have too much entertainment-media at home. He'd probably spend the whole one and a half days in his bed streaming movies and anime on his computer, just to kill the time.
Sighing again he went back to the store's main room to see what still needed to be done but he was just waved off by Sasha.
"Yaay we're done. Christmas-time! Let's go home everyone!"
"Ahh I still have a few minutes until Jean will pick me up!"
"I hope Christa's going to be here soon, my parents are so up-tight and I don't to be late."
"I'll just text Connie to let him know that I'm done, we'll meet at-"
Eren just left the room, retreating into the back of the store to the little locker room because he didn't want to hear it any longer. He hated people being so enthusiastic about Christmas because he didn't have anything to be enthusiastic about. Being alone on Christmas was about the ugliest thing he could think of.
He changed into his normal clothes and left the locker room before any of the others entered, preferring to rummage through his back in search for his portable CD-player in the store room to be spared more talk about how they would all spend their Christmas with their partners. Speaking of that…
He still hadn't talked to Armin. Like at all. Since the rushed 'See you!' at the library after the confusing kiss he hadn't heard a word from the blond - and hadn't gotten round to text or call him, either.
He hated this… and he missed Armin. Not talking to him was awful…
Eren sighed when his fingers hit the little object and he pulled it out of his bag, looking at the green wrapping paper. Green, his favourite. Of course. Armin just knew him so well.
He looked at the little package and turned it over in his hands, wondering what he would find in there. And decided to open it, right there and then. It didn't matter when he opened it, there wouldn't be anyone around to see it. So Eren just hopped onto a stack of boxes and tore the paper off the wrapped object, finding a wooden box and a folded note. Scrunching up the green paper with one hand he turned the little box in his hands, wondering what he would find inside. He decided to read the note first, though, and did so by unfolding it. Recognizing Armin's neat handwriting immediately he read through the lines, quickly getting an idea of what he would find in the box.
'Dear Eren,
I hope you don't mind me putting an end to your using this ancient thing for listening to music, finally. I know you'll probably be sighing right now,' he really was, 'but using an iPod is just so practical. You can store so many songs on it and actually switch back and forth between Lord of the rings and Hannibal without having to think about taking the other CD with you. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind making CDs for you and you can regularly give me the iPod to put new things onto it - but you can rearrange your songs in playlists and shuffle them around like you want to. I know that you know this, just let me try to make you enthusiastic about this thing. The only thing is that you'll have to use iTunes - but don't worry, I'll download and explain it to you the next time I'm over!
Merry Christmas, Eren! :3
PS: Just press the play-button on the iPod!
PSS: I know you love your headphones so I didn't get you new ones but I'll totally sponsor headphones once yours break down! Because headphones should be given together with an iPod~'
Eren just stared at the note and then at the box in his other hand, closing his eyes. That Armin… he had tried to sneak him such a thing since his birthday (Eren had received another expensive thing from Armin for that day and he had basically forbidden him to just get him one) and had apparently thought of this to be an appropriate occasion. Which it totally wasn't. Those things were shitty expensive… Eren cringed when he thought about it. He wasn't refusing things because he didn't like them, he was refusing them because he felt so bad for just getting them. And Armin had, once again, found a way to give him something where Eren couldn't just give it back. It was Christmas, you just didn't refuse Christmas presents. Especially when it was the only thing he would get. And still…
He hopped off the boxes and rummaged through his bag for his earphones, feeling guilty and bad didn't stop him from following the order that he had been given under PS. He connected the earphones to the little green iPod that he found in the wooden box and pressed play, listening curiously and trying to guess what Armin had put on play for him.
When the music started Eren had to think about where he had heard it before - and when he knew where to place it he couldn't help but smile. It was from a movie that he had watched with Armin recently, late on a Saturday night when Armin had stayed over at his place. They had been really tired from studying and they had actually searched for something to fall asleep to - and had been so absorbed within minutes that they had watched it completely. 'The perks of being a wall flower', that's been the title. It had been terribly touching, delicate topics being approached in an intelligent and thrilling way and high-school-life being portrayed rather vividly at the same time. Eren had loved it, and Armin had too, apparently. He recognized the song because they had talked about it when it had been played in the movie, when the girl and the boy had kissed for the first time. He still remembered the 'awwwww' that Armin hadn't been able to suppress which had made him chuckle, saying something about Armin being a sucker for cute teenage romance things. To which Armin had lightly slapped his arm and laid down to place his head on Eren's chest, shifting closer to him. Eren had started stroking his hair out of reflex, enjoying his friend's presence and warmth, when the blond had spoken again. 'We accept the love we think we deserve… that's some heavy statement.' Eren hadn't really reacted to it because the plot in the movie had taken up speed drastically again… but he remembered it now. And he definitely remembered how comfortable he had been, lying in his bed with Armin close to him.
He always was comfortable around Armin. He liked doing about everything with him… and he had liked that kiss, too. There was no denying it, it had felt good…
"Eren? What are you still doing here? We're all leaving now!"
Eren blinked when he heard a voice intruding his thoughts, realizing that he had been crouching on the store room's floor the whole time. He looked up to see Sasha poking her head into the room and he lightly shook his head, getting up from the floor to gather up his things.
"Yeah… I'm outta here, too."
He left the room with Sasha, saying goodbye to her after closing the shop. The girl smiled at him cheerfully and left for the bus station where she would most likely meet her boyfriend. Eren turned his attention back to the iPod that he still had in his hands - and then pocketed it to reach for his phone instead. Taking a deep breath he started typing his message, deleted it. Typed a new one, deleted it again. Typed again and deleted it after the first three words, jerking a hand through his hair in frustration. Gosh, this was hard… he just didn't know what to write. How did you greet a friend that was interested in you, that kissed you and you were so confused about it until you realized that maybe you were interested, too…? While now being insecure whether that friend was angry/disappointed/sad that he hadn't reacted to the situation for two days…? Eren more and more got the sinking feeling that he had fucked this up, somehow. And at the same time he felt his heart beat faster when he opened a new text and addressed it to Armin before he started writing again, only to delete the words a few seconds later. Ahhh fuck this. He was just so… nervous…
He finally settled on the words he was going to write, wrote them and then immediately pressed 'send' to avoid deleting them again - and promptly wished he could take it back because the words were so meaningless, not chosen well. He had settled for a simple 'Hey Armin… how are you?' Shit.
Eren shoved the phone back into his pocket and started walking, intend on going back to his place as quickly as possible. It had been a bad idea to send that text, it had been stupid and what was he thinking how Armin was, it was Christmas and he was with his family and busy and maybe wouldn't even see his text until the next day and - the phone vibrated in his pocket, nearly making Eren miss a step and stumble. He stopped abruptly and fished around in his pocket to get the phone, fumbling with it until he had opened the message. 'Hey Eren! I'm good, thank you! Is your shift over?'
He slowly released the breath he had unconsciously been holding when he read the message, reread it to reassure himself that Armin sounded just like he always did. Well, wrote. But he could totally hear Armin's voice mouthing the words when he read them. Apparently… he wasn't pissed. Or he at least wasn't letting it on. Eren bit his lips and hesitated over the next few words, typing them slowly. Read through them and sent them before he could change his mind. 'Yes. Can I come over later…? When you're done with dinner and all? I miss you (it's not supposed to sound as cheesy as it does…). PS: Thanks for the iPod, even though I really shouldn't have it.'
He closed his eyes and groaned in mortification before pocketing the phone again to keep on walking. It took Armin a little longer to reply to this message and Eren tried not to feel for the phone every few seconds, thinking it was vibrating again. He licked his lips nervously and nearly got a heart-attack when the phone really did vibrate. Armin's message said: 'Of course you can! I'll save you some dinner! I miss you, too (and yes, it sounds pretty cheesy). PS: You're welcome! PSS: Bring your laptop, I'll download iTunes for you!'
Eren actually smiled a little at that even though his stomach fluttered when he thought about going to Armin's place later. He had never been nervous about that before… but he had also never been kissed by Armin before. And he had also never considered that he would like to be kissed again, before.
He went home, knowing the next few hours were going to be torture - and knowing that his anticipation to seeing Armin would help him endure it.
"You can do this… you can do this, Eren, it's going to be fine."
It was only a few more minutes until he'd reach the Arlerts' place - and Eren was losing his nerves a little. Tried to calm himself and to regain his composure - and failed. He groaned and shook his head, frowning at himself.
"Get a grip on yourself, damnit."
He wasn't going to his execution - he was going to see his best friend. Who had kissed him - who probably still waited for his reaction to that. Maybe Armin would want to talk. He just didn't know. And that was driving him crazy. Armin had just texted him to let him know that the family part of Christmas Eve was now over and that he could safely come over if he still wanted to. So he had left his flat for Armin's place - getting more and more nervous with every step he took.
Taking a deep breath he turned left and walked down Armin's street, knowing he had approximately half a minute left to rethink his decision and turn around - but he didn't. We WANTED to see Armin, on the one hand - he was just so nervous on the other.
Taking another deep breath he stopped in front of the Arlert's house, moving his eyes up the facade to the only window that was still lit. He reached into his pocket to extract his phone and simply wrote 'I'm here.' before closing his eyes for a moment. There was no turning back now…
Armin's face appeared behind the window for a brief second before he disappeared, a moment later the lights behind the glass pane next to the front door were turned on and another second later the door was opened to emit Armin. Eren looked at him, the blond was wearing one of those sweaters that his grandfather knitted for him every year - they were perfectly awful, all of them, but Armin liked wearing them at home because they were soft and warm. This year's had little snowflakes all over it, the blue colour complementing Armin's eyes.
Before Eren could arrange his thoughts, before he could think of something to say, Armin had already closed the distance between them. Lithe arms were wrapped around Eren and Armin pulled him close, leaning his head against Eren's as he took a deep breath. Blinking he mirrored Armin's gesture, hugging the blond back to feel his arms tighten around him.
"I'm glad you're here, Eren."
It wasn't exactly the greeting he had expected - and he was glad it wasn't. This was familiar, it felt good - and it did a lot to calm him, to center him in a situation where he had threatened to be overwhelmed by confusion and constricting emotions. Pressing his face into the crook of Armin's neck he inhaled his scent, letting the familiarity of it all ground him.
"I'm glad, too."
The blond pulled back after a fee seconds, grabbing Eren's hand and pulling him with him.
"Come in, it's cold out here."
Armin closed the door behind them while Eren stripped off his coat and scarf, hanging it up as silently as he could, and took Eren's hand again, taking him upstairs. Halfway up the stairs Armin turned to him, looking at him.
"Are you hungry? We have plenty of food left.", he whispered and Eren only mouthed 'later', understanding that his parents and sister were already in bed. They would probably go to see more family tomorrow and Eren could imagine that to be great but strenuous, too, so they were probably in need of some good sleep.
Armin lead him into his room and closed the door behind them while Eren placed his laptop close to Armin's desk, Armin could have a look at it and this iTunes-thingy later. He turned to see Armin stand near the door, watching him. Aware of the heartbeat in his chest he did the same, looking at Armin, and neither of them moved. It was when the blond cleared his throat that Eren realized that he had held his breath.
"I'm sorry for… what happened in the library, Eren. I… didn't think, I practically assaulted you and I'm really really-"
Before he really knew what he was doing he went over to his friend, stopping in front of him. He didn't know where he took the nerve from, he only knew that he didn't like what Armin had just been about to say. He didn't like that at all. Aware of the widened blue eyes he took a deep breath and murmured 'Shut up, Armin…' before leaning in, hesitating only a brief second in which he raised his hands to slide them into the bond hair, brushing his thumbs over Armin's cheekbones nervously. The other's startled gasp was muffled in between their lips when Eren brushed his against Armin's, pulling back a little to kiss him again, lingering there for a couple of seconds. Looking into the blue eyes when he pulled back briefly he shook his head, leaning in again to brush his lips against one of the high cheekbones.
"Don't be sorry."
Blue eyes stared at him, incredulity plain displayed in them, and he saw the blond swallow before he wet his lips.
"Eren…"
He slid one hand from the soft blond hair and wrapped the arm around Armin's waist, pulling the other closer. Never breaking eye contact he scrutinized the way this all made him feel - and came to the conclusion that this was good, that it felt right. Even though he had known Armin for so long - or maybe because of that? It didn't feel strange at all.
"I should be sorry… for not saying anything for two days."
Brushing his thumb over Armin's cheekbone again he leaned in a third time, kissing his friend's lips again. He didn't pull back so soon this time, however, gently moving his lips against Armin until he felt the other respond to him. Lithe arms wrapped around his neck and Armin kissed him back, hesitantly at first but increasingly confidently. When Eren pushed his tongue against Armin's lips questioningly they opened for him, blue eyes slipping shut when he breathed a soft moan against Eren's lips. Subtle fingers slid into his hair and he felt his eyes close as well, losing himself in the sensation of the kiss, in the warmth radiating off Armin's body, his scent, the butterflies that were fluttering in his stomach the more excitedly the longer they kissed.
When they parted, both a little out of breath, Armin pulled Eren close and rested his forehead against his, blue eyes still closed.
"I thought I'd scared you away…"
Eren bit his lip and slid his fingers through Armin's hair, using his other hand to reach for Armin's.
"I was confused and I… had to think about things. But I don't think you could scare me off… you'll be stuck with me."
The blond's lips spread into a smile and he leaned in to kiss Eren briefly when he opened his eyes, tugging on Eren's hand to lead him over to his bed.
"I'd love to be stuck with you."
They talked. They laid down on Armin's bed and talked, feeling comfortable and content with exchanging brief touches and gentle kisses here and there. They talked about themselves, about what Armin felt, about what Eren felt and came to the conclusion that they complemented each other in yet another aspect, just like they usually complemented each other perfectly in much less effectual matters.
They also talked about what would happen if this failed, if they realized one day that they were friends having fooled themselves into believing that they wanted to be lovers. They agreed that it was risky and that they didn't want to endanger what they had - but that they wanted to try it anyway.
Eren felt relieved… and, for the first time in quite a while, genuinely happy. Because this was something good. Armin was something good for him and he would hold onto that tightly.
When they were curled up in Armin's blankets a few hours later, the blond in his arms with his back snug against Eren's front, Armin twisted his head back to steal another brief kiss in the darkness of his room, entwining his fingers with Eren's.
"I promise that you'll never have to be alone on Christmas again."
Eren was silent, he just hugged Armin more tightly and gave him a kiss of his own, slow and deep and thorough. While 'never' was an awful fatal word he wanted to believe in Armin's words, preferring this way to spend Christmas to being alone by at least a million times. Memories of being alone during the time of love and family, memories of being abandoned and rejected around that time of the year slowly faded when he moved his free hand to stroke Armin's hair, threading his fingers into it while they kissed.
Maybe this wouldn't last forever - but it was something to live and work for. And he would do his best to make it work.
The end~ but I'm maybe going to write a sequel! * 3 *