Harry Potter, Senior Auror of the DMLE stood amongst the carnage.
His face rested in the palm of his hand as he read the report his minion had provided.
A sigh escaped his lips as he spoke to his sister in all but Blood.
"So, you were walking to work."
Hermione Granger-Weasley rolled her eyes in irritation. "As you can see from the Phone box right there." She jerked her head in the direction of the entrance to the Ministry of Magic
He ignored her snark. "And some neo-death eaters Apparate in and start firing hexes at you…"
"Blighters show up everywhere."
"...and they manage to knock over your morning Coffee..."
"Heathens. I should have hexed their Bits off."
"...And you fly into a murderous rage." Harry finished, Idly noting that his Pseudo-sister and his wife Ginny were spending too much time together.
"They started it." The Thirty two year old Unspeakable whined childishly.
The Wizard sighed. "You then practically Catch a cutting curse…"
"Almost took my ruddy finger off."
Too much time around Weasleys in general. "...and then use the blood from the resulting wound to scrawl runes on your coffee cup..."
"I hope you appreciate the effort I put into that. It's exceedingly difficult to draw runes in blood whilst one of your hands is bleeding."
"...which then somehow turned said Coffee cup into a wardstone which negated Wand Usage."
"You forgot the AA, Anti-port, Boundary, Anti-invis and the AK disruptor." The woman added smugly.
Harry's eye twitched. Hermione may be a genius, but this was ridiculous. "You then cover your Breakfast Banana in runes so it can spit out Stunning Spells…"
"I made it so you could activate it with the incantation 'Bananafy'. "
A snort of disbelief was quickly stifled. "...which you then use to take out most of your assalents."
"Their panicked squealing was rather amusing." Hermione grinned sharply.
"One tried to Apparate out…"
"But got Royally Splinched"
"...But got Royally Splinched." Harry repeated. "Your Banana then started to destabilize due to the amount of magic being channeled through it…."
"It's a Banana, it's not supposed to be used as a foci."
Ignoring that it was exactly what she had done, he continued. "...at which point you threw it at one of your assalents…"
"The one that made me spill my Coffee." The Witch growled.
"...whereupon impact, it exploded."
"Couldn't have happened to a nicer person." She sniffed
"You then chased the last conscious assalent around the warded zone until my Aurors showed up and stunned him when the wards fell."
"Yes Harry, you are the second Auror to successfully read out my own statement to me. Now can I go? I'll be late."
"Unspeakables are all Anonymous. How can you be late?"
"FINE! I just need my Morning Coffee alright? Please?"
Harry Potter sighed. "Ok, let's go get a Coffee. McDonally! Take over here!"
Hermione nodded gratefully at him. "Thank you Harry."
"You terrify me sometimes, you know that?"
"Yes. Now less talk, more Coffee."