Molesworth and Walker 2

by constantlearner

Roger Walker starts his first term at St Custards. The story is told by Nigel Molesworth. It should be a crossover but sadly there isn't a Molesworth category, nor is there a ridiculous nonsense genre. The Speeling is ment to bee lik that. Oh noe, I can't seam to stopp doing it now.

Molesworth and a New Bug

I do realise that Nigel Molesworth is in fact a New Elizabethan and Roger Walker starts prep school in approximately 1930/1931 ish. It means I have to turn spaceships into aeroplanes, but still that isn't going to stop me from perpetrating this. Sorry.

Set between Swallows and Amazons and Swallowdale. Roger is 7 in Swallows and Amazons, but like Tiity, seems to be expecting to have a birthday soon, so I'm guessing his eighth birthday happens between the end of Swallows and Amazons and the beginning of term. St Custards is within easy weekend travelling distance from wherever the Walkers live. I cannot believe it was chosen for any other reason.

For those unfamiliar with the compelling first person narrative that is Nigel Molesworth's writing - the spelling is meant to be like that. I've had to fight the spellchecker all the way on this one.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Heigh- ho back to the jugg for weeks of deprivation. I have made a chart to cross off the days until freedom.

Day 1

So the new term start, and the headmaster give his ushual speech about the fine tradishuns of St Custard. Grabber is head of everything once more and winner of the Priz for Raffia. New bugs hav been brought by their maters who cry and say my ickle baby boy and other weedy and wet things. Molesworth 2 who is my brother and still do not stop playing fairy bells on the piano at every opertunitty espeshially when Gran give him a Six pence for it is now considered responsibubble by Mrs Pringle who tak form 1 and have to look after a New Bug. The New Bug is called Walker. He is prubaly wet and a weed like all of them, but at least his Mother do not blub like some of them. On the other hand his little sister blub and Peason (my grate friend) say he see Walker patting her on the head which make him a goody-goody like that super wet weed Fotherington-Thomas. Sisters are always wet and weedy and even worse than having Moleworth 2 for a bro.

I sa this to my grate friend Peason and also tell him he hav a face like a baboon, which he alreddy kno. Walker hear me becos he hav to follow Molesworth 2 everywhere until Molesworth 2 sho him everything and Molesworth 2 come to ask if he can have a go in the Molesworth-Peason aeroplain when we have built it. At the momunt it is a wooden crate with Molesworth-Peason airways on the side in pencil. We tried paint with Peasons watercollur paints wot his auntie gav him but it all kame off in the rayne.

Walker sa Not All gurls are wet and weedy, only his little sister because she is too small to help it.

Grabber who is passing by and hav no more branes than a goldfish but is head of everthink becos his pater have loads of munny, sa Ha I bet you do not know any gurls you super weedy clot and anyway you are a new bug.

Walker sa his older sister can sale a boat and light a campfire with one match and put up a tent and they went camping by themselves on an island becos his pater said better drowned than duffers, but they hav not drowned so they can't be duffers. And also he kno two other gurls who are pirates and hav their own boat and hav an unkle who is a pirate too. Grabber sa he will go into business with his Father too and become ded rich and send his boy to St Custards. Molesworth 2 ask Grabber if his boy will be a clot too like Grabber and Grabber thro Fotherington-Thomas's bungy at him and miss.

Fotherington-Thomas sa what is a duffer and I tell him it is anuther wurd for weedy clot which is what he is. Walker say his older brother can sail a boat too and also swum round an island and clims reelly tall trees. Peason say he bet Walker 1 chose reelly small island and Walker 2 say it was the one they were camping on so it was medium sized. Fotherington-Thomas say how do we kno Walker 2 is Walker 2 and maybe he has other brothers. We tell Walker 2 that Fotherington- Thomas is a weedy gurl who talk to flowurs and trees and to tak no notise. Walker 2 say reelly he must be Walker 4, because he hav 2 sisters, both older than him. Peason sa sisters do not count becos they are gurls and Walker 1 do not count becos he is too old for St Custards.

Fotherington-Thomas tell Walker 2 he have a dear little bunny rabbit and ask Walker if he hav any pets. Walker say no, but Captain Flint who is the unkle pirate might give him a monkey becos he found his buried treasure. Grabber say oh yes and I suppose they were Robin Hood then and Walker sa they were just ordinary burglers wot could not take the treasure home immediately becos of only having a motor cycle. Walker sa his sister heard them bury it on another island when she was steeling the girl pirates boat.

Ho yes, sa Grabber and I suppose the pirates marooned her on dessert island for that then?

Walker sa No, they are slightly cheezed off becos they are no longer Topp but are good sports and jolly desent and try not to show it and sa sporting things like good show able seaman and well done {and here Walker call his sister a name so rude I will not write it here in case my readers have delicate sensibilitys, ahem}.

There is immediat uprore becos the modest auther of these ritings think like lightening and clap his hands over Molesworth 2's infant ears, to protect his innocent mind which hav nuffing in it at all exept fairy bells on the piano, like devoted bro. and Molesworth 2 thump me, the ungreatful retch.

Also Peason become helpless with laffter, which do not help a lot in my humble opinion.

Fotherington-Thomas sa innocently what does {} mean and why is Peason laffing.

So Grabber, how hav branes the size of sparrows neecaps tells him.

Peason laff so hard he fall down on the floor and role around.

Fotherington-Thomas's face is a pictcher. (not by a good artist, ho, ho.)

Walker 2's face is also a pictcher. It becomes obvios to this modest auther with his keen intelligence that Walker do not know what the word mean. He do now.

Molesworth 2's face is a pictcher.

The headmaster's face is a pictcher too awefull to recount as he enters at just the rong moment.

Fotherington- Thomas sa in horrer "Oh sir, Walker just called his sister…"

And the headmaster sa grimly in that voice which meens he is thinking of his collection of kanes "Moleworth 2, bring Walker to my study after tea."

"You are a sneak as well as a swot and a gurl." I sa to Fotherington-Thomas. "Walker did not kno wot the wurd meant like you did not and now he hav six of the best on the first day."

Walker look pail, but do not blub, not even a bit.

Then the gong sound for tea and all the boys gallopp off for tea like a horde of barbarains who have not eaten for a fourtnite.

Excpet – who his this who paces the floor in 3B's form room, his brow racked with thort. Yes it is none other than Molesworth 1, chief pielot of Molesworth-Peason Airways, gorilla of 3b and secret riter of rongs. Even if no-one thinks I am tuff after this, I must Do My Duty. I turn up the coller on my blazer and slip silent as a shadow down the corridor to Headmaster Grimes study, hoping to find his hart soffened by current buns, or by sherry more likely, ha,ha.

Orl is nearly lost as somewun come out of the study, but Molesworth 1 is not at a loss – oh noe. He slip into the shadow of the skool sekrtaries door with the stealth of 100 men. It is only that wet sneak Fotheringham-Thomas who hav been blubbing and do not see me.

Undaunted, I raize my hand and knock on the dread portal.

It creeks open and the Headmaster sa "Ah come in, Molesworth. Fotherington-Thomas has orlready explained this regrettable misunderstanding, but I am sew glad you boys understand you can come to me with your little problums."

Day 2

Fotherington-Thomas is still a gurly swot and weedy and wet, but he is not a sneak so I lend him my bungy when he hav none.

Day 3

Molesworth 2 say Walker is not bad at football for a New bug and even kno the offside rule which most of form 1 are too weedy to remember, even if he do think that pirates are reel.

Day 4

In the post today, Peason's mater post him a parcel, which he open eagerly at breakfast. As his grate friend I rejoice at his good fourtune until 3 pears of underpants wot his mater forgot to pack fall out after which I just laff, and so do the other boys, who orl have a laff like hyenas. Walker get a letter with skulls and cross bones orl over the envelope. Molesworth 2 keep his mouth shut about pirates now.

Day 21

Molesworth 2 is nearly top in form. You could knock me down with a feather. He tell me in absolute confidence that he do Walker's Divinity prep which is old testament and have lots of fites and Walker do his Latin which they have all just started this term but Walker is super whizz at it.

Day 30

Walker have a visitor. He is a bald fat man with a monkey. Some of the boys (viz. Peason, my grate friend, Molesworth 2 and myself) listen over the bannister and the fat man explain to the headmaster and matron that he have just brought the monkey to show Walker as kno that monkeys are not welcome in educshunal establishments. Then he sa to Walker would he like to show the monkey to his freinds and we come downstares and Molesworth 2 giv it a bit of toffee with hardly any fluff on it and the fat man explane that the monkey is a reward for Walker and sister (he do not say her name) finding his treasure wot had been stolen and buried on a desserted island. Walker decide the monkey is called Gibber and we all say that is a good name and Gibber climbs up on the light fitting and does something on the floor and Grabber rush into the entrance hall an fall over in it and Peason say it is a good job Walker have not asked for an Elefant and the Fat man help Walker catch the monkey and the headmaster say that the monkey had better go home now, but even the headmaster look like he might be laffing inside.

Day 32

Peason say that his father have a friend who work in television wich is like wireless but very expencive and with pichtchers. And almost no-one have one. Peason say when he grow up he wants not make television programme with wizzard things in like elefants and monkeys and how to make airoplain out of old crates and how to paint things without the paint coming off in the rane.