"Do you love him?"
"Huh?" Brittany whipped around to look at Santana, who sat in one of the chairs in the chior room, after the goodbye kiss Artie gave her before heading off to his next class.
"Do you love him?" The girl repeated, her arms crossed over her chest, a familiar scowl on her face, though her tone was softer the second time around. The room was empty now, and they were no doubt going to be late to their next classes, but she didn't care. She'd been holding it in for far too long and couldn't stand it anymore.
"Why do you care?" Brittany asked, her hands shoved deep into the pockets of her Cheerios jacket.
"Just tell me. Do you love him?" A slight annoyance returned to the girl's tone, but she tried to keep it an even keel.
There was a shrug of the blond girl's shoulders, followed by a mumbled word. "Dunno." She stood in front of the other girl, head hung awkwardly as she studdied her shoes.
"I know you don't really want to be with him." Santana leaned back into her chair, crossing her legs, her eyes never leaving Brittany, even if she wouldn't look at her.
"Yes I do." Brittany replied, though there was a lack of passion in her voice. "He's nice to me, and he kisses me...in public, and he calls me his girlfriend, and-"
"Ok, I get it!" Santana interupted with a snap, her brows furrowing, and expression softening when Brittany jumpped, clearly started. "I'm sorry." She spoke a bit softer, reaching up to scrub her face with one hand. There wasn't a lot that scared her, almost nothing in fact, but this? This terrified her. She wasn't good at leaving herself vulnerable.
Brittany looked up, a mixture of fear and confusion on her face, and Santana sighed. That look, that face killed her, and what was worse was the fact that more often than not, she was the one who caused it. "I'm not good at this Brit, you know that."
"Not good at what?" She asked honestly, having no idea what the other girl was trying to say.
"At this feeling shit, I'm not good at it, I never have been, and I'm never going to be, you need to know that right now. I'm not going to change."
"...ok" The bell rang while Brittany continued to stare at the brunette, wanting to know what she was trying to say. "I don't want you to change, San. I love you just the way you are."
Santana's expression softened even more than it did before when she heard what Brittany said, and it wasn't because it was sweet, it was becasue she knew the other girl meant them, with ever fiber of her being. Brittany never said anything she didn't mean, she didn't have it in her, she lacked that kind of filter, and that was one of the things Sananta adored the most about her. "Brittany...I..." Stopping herself, she stood up and reached for Brittany's arms, pulling her hands out of her pockets so that she could link the other girl's fingers with her own. "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to admit, and I can't promise I'll be able to repeat it, so you better listen."
"What?" All of Brittany's attention was on her, something that didn't happen often. It was rare that she was able to focus on one thing like this.
"I...I love you ok? I fucking love you. And I love you as more than a friend. You're what I live for, and you're what makes the days bareable. Seeing you with...him is killing me, because you belong with me. No one gets you like I do, and I know that no one ever will." The words were spilling out faster than she could filter what she was saying. She knew it was better that way, but it only scared her more than she already was. "I'm sorry I was a bitch before. I'm sorry I was too scared to admit it. And I'm sorry I ever hurt you." Tears formed in the corners of her eyes as all her deepest, darkest secrets poured out, and she faught hard to push them back. "I'd take it all back if I could, but I can't, and I just need you to know the truth and I need you to forgive me, and I need...I need you."
Brittany stood perfectly still opposite her best friend, squeezing her hands comfortingly the whole time she was spilling her guts. Her face stayed expressionless while she listened, and by the end it was hard not to smile. Slowly, she unclasped their fingers, watching as panick took over the other girl's face, but only for a moment. The second Brittany's hands slid over her cheeks, thumbs brushing lightly at the dampness in the corner of her eyes, Santana let out a small sigh, which Brittany caught as she leaned in, pressing her lips against hers.
"Does this mean you forgive me?" Santana asked quietly after Brittany pulled away.
"No." Brittany replied simply.
"Oh..." Santnana answered nervously.
"It means I love you too." Brittany smiled, then leaned back in for another kiss, which Santana happily returned with a smile.