Back again! Thank you to all the lovely people who reviewed my last few Burn Notice stories, it definitely keeps me writing. This one is set directly after the end of 5x8, that ending always gets me. And as much as I wish I owned Michael and Fi, I do not. All characters and the few lines from the show I have used belong to Matt Nix and the writers of Burn Notice.
He should've known something was up right away. Yes, he's more than a tad clueless when it comes to relationships and human interactions, but he is trained in observation and analysis. One would think his spy senses would have kicked in to gear. He also has over a decade of experience in the area of Fiona Glenanne.
He should've noticed the hesitation in her voice when she mentioned Armand. He did, but he moved on without pressing it.
Is there bad blood between you two?
He likes me fine. I'm less enthusiastic about him.
He should've picked up on the sharp breath she let in but not out, her willingness to change the subject so easily. The way she lingered more than usual when she kissed the top of his head. They're better with displays of affection these days, but there had been an undertone to her movements that he should've caught. It's only now that he realises she was giving him the chance to find another way, another solution to the problem.
He closed his eyes in frustration when he realised the clues were there all along. He hadn't picked up on any of them, hadn't asked her about her strange behaviour. He knows her so well, yet he didn't press it.
One might think there had been self-preservation involved with his lack of awareness. After all, Fiona didn't always react to questioning very well. She preferred to be the one who initiated confrontation, and if she wasn't the one initiating, she could shy away and deny better than most people. It hadn't been self-preservation though. It was him, once again putting his needs ahead of hers. It was accepting her help without thinking of how it would affect her. It was ignoring her, even though she had practically screamed for acknowledgement.
He restrained the urge to hit his head against the wall of the shower. After the sufficiently awkward dinner with his mother and Benny, he and Fi had driven home in silence. Considering her concealed stony expression throughout their meal, he had been expecting a blow-up when they got home. He had waited to have shoes thrown at him, slaps to dodge, anything along the lines of an angry Fiona. But surprisingly, none of that occurred. She headed straight for bathroom, emerging after her shower to tell him it was all his. Those were the only words she'd spoken to him in over an hour.
Michael groaned, scrubbing at his tired face with his palm. His time in the Caribbean had been far from relaxing, and the tension between himself and Fi once arriving back in Miami had not helped. All he wanted to do was fall into bed, but he knew he wouldn't sleep until he and Fi sorted through this. How's that for personal growth? Michael Weston initiating confrontation in a personal relationship.
He climbed out of the shower, quickly drying himself and pulling on sweatpants and a white t-shirt. When he exited the bathroom, his eyes were immediately drawn to Fiona, curled up on their bed with her back to him. His heart dropped when he realised she really didn't want to talk. That in itself was worrying enough.
He lowered himself to the bed and rolled onto his side so that he was facing her back. He restrained the urge to wrap his arms around her. No need to set off her violent tendencies at this moment.
"Fi?"
"Just go to sleep Michael."
Her voice was hard and controlled, but he knew her well enough to know she was not as in control as she appeared to be.
"Can we just talk about..."
She jolted upright to face him, fury set in her eyes.
"No, we can't Michael. Leave it alone."
She hauled herself up and stalked over to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. Michael knew it was an attempt at putting distance between them.
He let the silence sit for a minute before trying again. "What happened with Armand?"
"Oh, now you want to know, do you?" She asked haughtily. "You didn't care when you were trying to get your information."
Right on the nose. So she had been hoping for him to find another way.
"Fi, I'm sorry." He stood, heading over to where she was. "I should've known more about him before I asked you to do this."
"Yeah, you should've Michael. But it's too late for that, isn't it?"
His heart sunk a little bit more when he saw the faintest sight of defeat in her eyes.
"What happened?" He asked, his voice lower than before.
She shrugged, refusing to meet his eyes. "Nothing important."
"Obviously it's important Fi, otherwise you wouldn't be upset."
She sighed heavily before finally meeting his gaze.
"It turns out that the truck I stole for Armand led to the death of one of his competitors. Being who he is, he couldn't care less, but he knew I would. Which is why he told me so delicately." The sarcasm in her voice was more than evident.
Michael's shoulders sagged when he realised what had gone on that day. "I'm sorry Fi." He stepped closer to her, hoping she'd allow it.
"His blood is on my hands Michael." She tilted her head to look at him. There was a slightly haunted look in her eyes.
"No, Fi." Michael shook his head. "This is on Armand. He's the one who instigated this."
Fi shook her head furiously. "No, I knew this would happen. It always does with him. That's why I didn't want to do this."
"Then why didn't you tell me? We could have found another way."
"Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you ask these questions before I got into it?" She demanded. "Don't put this on me, I did it for you!"
Michael held his hand out in surrender. "I know Fi, and I'm sorry. I should've asked you about him before we did this."
Fiona stared at him for a moment. "Sorry doesn't bring that man's life back Michael." With that she exited out to the balcony.
Michael followed her, settling beside her against the railing.
"Did anything else happen Fi?"
"What, a dead man isn't enough for you?"
Michael pressed his lips together for a moment before speaking again. "I get why you're upset Fi, I do. But it just seems like there's more to it."
Fiona paused, debating about how much to tell him. She hadn't intended to fill him in about Armand's surprise visit, but he was making an effort. She sighed heavily before continuing. "Armand was here when I got home. Brought me some guns, made some snide comments about the loft and my errant boyfriend. Pretty typical for him."
Michael's eyes narrowed at the thought of this man in his home, alone with his girlfriend. It was obvious how much his appearance had affected Fiona.
"I knew something like this would happen. That's why I wasn't thrilled at the thought of seeing him. My time with Armand was brief but dangerous, and not in a good way. I learnt very quickly that he is not the kind of person I want to associate with."
"Then why suggest it Fi? We could've found another way." Michael said softly.
"I did it to help you Michael! I wasn't about to let you hack into Homeland security!"
"I wasn't the one who suggested this!"
"You might as well have!"
The two of them stood facing each other, eyes glaring and faces set. Surprisingly, Michael relaxed first, reaching out to place a hand on her arm.
"I'm sorry I didn't ask you more about him. I should've realised there was more to it."
"He asked me if you were worth what I had to do to get that information. He wondered what kind of man would send me to him for help."
Michael gulped internally, realising just how badly he'd screwed up.
How was the job?
Does it matter? You got what you needed.
His hand slid down her arm to grasp hers tightly. "Fi ... he didn't try anything, did he?" He was almost afraid to ask. Afraid of the answer, or afraid of her reaction to the question, he wasn't sure.
Fiona's eyes flashed with fury. "You think I'd let him try anything?" She wrenched her hand from his grip. "I can take care of myself!"
Michael groaned, out loud this time. Definitely fear of her reaction. "I know you can Fi, but I'm trying to figure out what happened here!"
"Why are you so interested now? You didn't care before you knew he'd been here!"
"Of course I care! I know I messed up Fi, that's why I'm trying to fix it!"
"Don't bother Michael, what's done is done."
She turned to head back inside, but Michael grabbed her arm, pulling her into his chest.
"I'm sorry." He breathed into her hair. "I was selfish, and I wasn't thinking. I should've asked you about it before."
Fi considered fighting him to escape from his embrace, but instead surrendered to his arms around her. She leaned her head on his chest and breathed in deeply, trying to let go of the anger that was coursing through her. She didn't know why she was letting Armand's words affect her so much. He hadn't said anything that she hadn't thought before, although it had been awhile since she'd let those doubts infiltrate her mind.
"I know the job always comes first Michael, but sometimes it would be nice if you considered me as well."
Michael's heart clenched at her words. "I know I messed up Fi, but you know how much I care about you, right?"
Her silence was more than unnerving.
"Fi?" His voice took on a slightly desperate tone.
She sighed. "I do know Michael. But sometimes you make it hard to remember."
Michael mentally slapped himself. He knew she'd questioned his feelings for her before, but that had been years ago. He thought they were past all that now. They were living together for crying out loud. How could she not know how important she was to him?
He wasn't sure what to say anymore. He'd apologised numerous times, and he didn't know how to tell him she was the most important thing to him. Words had never been his strong point.
Fiona could practically hear the wheels in his head turning as he held her tightly against his chest. She knew him so well, so she understood that he didn't always think of other people when making decisions. He wasn't a selfish person, he was just very narrow minded, always focused on getting the job done. He'd also spent so many years without having anyone else to consider, so it was unreasonable to expect him to know how to handle some situations, despite how frustrating he could be.
She was normally better at handling his rejections, but since they'd moved in together she'd thought things would be a bit easier. Wishful thinking, perhaps. He'd finally made a decision regarding their relationship that moved them forward, at his own request, and she had been beyond shocked, but thrilled all the same. She was finally in a committed place with the only man she'd ever loved. But a part of her had waited for something to happen that would disturb their newfound peace. She should have been expecting it, really.
The two of them stood locked in each other's embrace for a few minutes more, before Fiona pulled back from Michael's chest.
"Can we just go to bed now?" She asked.
Michael looked down at her, deliberating on whether to continue pushing with their conversation, or try and sleep before resolving it in the morning. He didn't know what the right move was, but one look into Fiona's tired eyes gave him his answer. Keeping his arms around her he led her back to their bed, holding the covers back as she crawled under them. He was happy that she curled up against his chest like she usually did, despite how she was currently feeling about him.
The two of them laid in silence for a few minutes, neither making the effort to sleep.
"I hate that I tried to replace you with him." She said suddenly, her voice breaking through the silence. "I should've known how stupid a decision it was, but I was hurting and looking for a way to feel like myself again."
Michael closed his eyes in regret as he listened to her speak. The more he learnt about her time in Ireland after he'd left her, the more he regretted his past actions. Sometimes he didn't understand how she could still be with him after everything he'd done.
"I know I've said this way too many times tonight, but I'm sorry. I wish I could take back what I did all those years ago."
She didn't react to his apology for a moment.
"I forgave you a long time ago Michael, you know that. Most of the time it doesn't bother me anymore, but seeing Armand just…"
Michael's heart thudded in his chest. Not only had he put her in a potentially dangerous situation while he was gone, he'd also caused her to drag up parts of her past that he knew she'd rather leave behind. He knew how she hated feeling vulnerable, and yet he'd been the one to cause it this time. He clenched his jaw tightly to stop any more apologies from leaving his lips. He wanted to tell her over and over again just how sorry he was, but he was sure she would slap him if he even uttered the word one more time.
"I'm really glad you're here, Fi." He said softly into her hair. I wish I could tell you just how much.
Fiona lifted her head from his chest to lock eyes with him. The level of conviction she could see was enough to convince her of just how truthful his words were. They always communicated better silently anyway.
"I've never regretted being with you Michael, not even once. Just please don't make me." Her eyes begged with him more than her words did.
He nodded silently, promising to her and himself that he wouldn't.
Fiona reached up to press a quick kiss to his lips, and then twisted around to lie on her side with Michael pressed against her back. She locked their hands together, resting them on her stomach. Michael wiggled forward to drop a kiss in response to hers on the nape of her neck.
Sometimes the words that he never said could kill her, dragging her heart in to the depths of despair. In this case, what they didn't say reassured her. They were going to be okay. She'd make sure of it.