Title: So Close

Author: Joy

Disclaimer: CSI does not, has not, and will not ever belong to me. I would someday like to own a car.

Summary: A day in the desert provides sleepy appendages. G/S

A/N: A huge thanks to Cheryl, Alison, and Alicia for the beta work and encouragement, you guys are awesome! Any and all mistakes belong to me and me alone.

A bead of sweat appeared at the edge of the brunette's hairline. It slowly rolled down her forehead, leaving behind it a slightly crooked track in the dust that had settled into her pores. He watched, fascinated, as it continued down between her eyes and lower to form a droplet at the tip of her nose. It stayed suspended there for a moment. Just when he thought it would fall, she lifted her arm and wiped the offending moisture away with her forearm. She sighed heavily, rubbing her forehead with the same arm. They had been in the smoldering heat of the desert for the better part of four hours. She had yet to complain about the nearly unbearable conditions. The immense respect that he already had for her went up another notch.

Sara shifted in her crouched position for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past ten minutes and sighed again. She suddenly felt the little hairs on the back of her neck stand at attention. She was being watched. She looked around and her gaze landed on a male figure crouched in a position similar to hers. His eyes widened in surprise at being caught staring and he looked away hurriedly, clearly uncomfortable. She looked at him for a moment longer, contemplating the reason behind both the stare and the discomfort. Quickly, she abandoned that pointless line of thought and surveyed their surroundings once more.

Their crime scene was about fifty feet from the I-15 and hidden from the interstate by the dead brush that lined this stretch of road. The victim had been found by an amateur photographer who had stopped to snap a shot of the slew of vultures that had gathered around their noontime meal. When he had zoomed in on the beak of a single bird he noticed that the food had boasted a wedding ring. That had been five hours ago.

The still unidentified body had been removed about an hour before but the stench remained. The dump had been recent, judging by the condition of the body. Besides the parts missing due to hungry scavengers, there were no obvious signs of decomposition. There were several tire tracks near the crime scene; none of which were distinguishable. Sara began collecting the evidence bags and packing up her kit. Photographs had been taken of the primary scene and the perimeter. All of the evidence had been collected and properly labeled. It was time to started processing.

She glanced over at the silent man who was gathering his impressive assortment of bags together. Occasionally, she would feel him watching her. Most of the time she tried to ignore it, hoping that if he watched just a little while longer he would gain the courage to talk to her. Really talk to her. However he seemed content to simply watch. It was starting to get a little disturbing. The times that she did acknowledge his gaze he immediately looked away. Sometimes he continued to glance at her as though he had something he wanted to say but never did.

She sighed again and rolled her eyes heavenward, gazing into the clear blue sky as if it held the answers to the many questions churning in her mind. Nothing happened and after a moment she decided that her epiphany would not occur that day amid the horror and stench of a violent death. With a slight groan she stood up, evidence bags in one hand, kit in the other. Damn. She wasn't getting so old that she should groan when trying to stand upright. Time to start trying those wonderful 'good for one free trip' to the gym coupons.

Grissom turned toward his colleague at the sound of her groan. Once standing, she swayed slightly and he was prepared to catch her if she fell. Hell, who was he kidding? It was probably wrong to wish for someone to collapse, but at this very moment he couldn't think of anything he wanted more than the opportunity to hold her in his arms without having to bare his soul to her first. Feeling slightly disappointed and immensely ashamed of himself as she regained her balance, he watched her hobble over to the Denali to put the evidence in the back.

"Sara?" He hollered at her backside.

"Yeah?" She called out her response over her shoulder without bothering to stop her progress toward their shared vehicle.

"Are you alright?" He had never seen her walk so awkwardly.

"I'm fine, Grissom." She opened the back door and set her kit inside.

"Then why are you walking like that?"

Sara paused, turning to glare at him from around the door. "Because while I was crouched like a damn fool for over an hour looking for evidence, my leg fell asleep." She gave him a look that dared him to say more and when he didn't she turned back to her task. Luckily for him, he was able to conceal his grin until she had her back to him. He quickly wiped the smirk from his face as she headed back toward him. He braced his hands on his knees and stood up. Then, to his complete horror, his left leg, which had treacherously gone to sleep on the job, buckled and he promptly fell over.

Sara walked slowly back to the crime scene and watched Grissom straighten. She saw the surprised look on his face just before he hit the ground. She came to an abrupt stop as her slightly fried brain processed what had just happened. Suddenly laughter came bubbling out of her mouth before she could stop it. Every time she looked at him, sprawled there on the ground, a new fit of laughter over came her. So she closed her eyes to try and calm down and all she could see was the slack-jawed look of surprise on his face as he had fallen, which made her laugh all the harder. Soon she was doubled over from pain in her side due to the increasing hilarity of the situation. Tears rolled down her face, leaving more streaks in the dust than did the sweat she had been wiping away earlier.

Grissom looked on as Sara took pleasure in his humiliation but couldn't find it in his heart to begrudge her this sudden happiness, even if it was at his expense. After she seemed to get her giggles under some control he tried to get up again. She took a step towards him to try to help but he waved her off. The smile died from her face and he mentally kicked himself. She probably thought he was mad at her for laughing at him. Her next words confirmed his supposition.

"Grissom, I'm sorry for laughing. Are you alright?" She looked him over worriedly, thinking, albeit belatedly, that he might have gotten hurt during his tumble onto the hard, compacted dirt.

"Nothing bruised but my pride." He smiled at her, letting her know he wasn't angry with her. She smiled back and offered her hand again. This time he took it, allowing her to help him up. Once on his feet he stumbled slightly, his legs still uncooperative. He grabbed her waist to steady himself while she took hold of his shoulders. As he regained his balance he realized how close they were standing. He took a deep breath, inhaling her scent and memorizing it for future meditation.

"Steady?"

Steady he was, ready to release her, he wasn't. He gave a slight shake of his head and closed his eyes as if in concentration. He was concentrating, just not on keeping his balance. He was concentrating on the feel of her hands on his shoulders…on the muscle beneath his fingertips at her waist…on the uneven breaths she was taking. He opened his eyes and saw in hers the same desire that was surging through his veins.

"Grissom," she whispered, licking her lips in anticipation. This was it. He was finally going to kiss her. His head was leaning toward hers, tilting slightly. Suddenly his head snapped back. He released her, pushing her away from him in the process. She growled in frustration, spun on her heel and walked quickly back to the Denali.

"Sara!" He called out to her, wanting to explain but his only response was the violent slamming of the passenger side door. He sighed. 'Well, shit,' he thought to himself. He turned back and grabbed his things. It was going to be a long ride back to the lab. He limped slowly to where they had parked, observing her tense form through the slightly tinted glass of the windshield.

Sara sat in the passenger seat of the SUV, staring silently out of the side window. Damn it all to hell. Why did she let him do this to her. Every time. She rubbed a grimy hand over her forehead. She knew exactly why he got to her every time. She kept hoping that the next time would be different. That he would give in to the need to talk to her. To let himself get close to her. For God's sake, to kiss her.

The sad truth was that he would keep hurting her. Even worse was the fact that she would continue to let him. Just on the off chance that this time would be different. She closed her eyes tightly and groaned.

"Are you alright?"

Sara jumped a foot in the air. She hadn't even heard him open the driver's side door let alone climb in and put the evidence in the back. She frowned as she realized how badly this latest insult to her pride had distracted her. Not good. Not good at all. Something had to give and soon or she would lose her mind. And damned if she knew what to do. As usual.

Grissom's warm hand wrapped around her wrist and she looked up at him. Suddenly she realized that he was waiting for her to answer his question. She thought about telling him the truth and then choked back a laugh. Why bother? He'd just clean his glasses while he tried to think of something suitable to pacify her until the next time he forgot himself.

"I'm fine," she said, trying to pull out of his grasp. He frowned at her short answer. Seeing his brows knit together in doubt, she stopped tugging and tried for an earnest expression. "Really, I'm fine, Grissom."

He sat there looking at her for a moment. His eyes roamed over her face, searching for the truth in her answer. She waited with her wrist still held hostage by his strong fingers. His gaze finally settled on her mouth. He licked his lips. 'Not again,' she thought desperately. 'I can't deal with another one of his yoyo tricks right now.' She leaned back against the door, the arm rest digging into the small of her back, and tried to tug her arm free once more. He blinked and released his hold on her. Sara brought her arm to her lap and breathed a sigh mixed with relief and disappointment. She shifted to look out the window again.

Grissom sat, watching her putting up her defenses. He faced forward and gripped the steering wheel. "I'm sorry, Sara."

She turned to him, ready to attack. The words died on her lips as she took in the defeated slump of his shoulders and the shame etched on his handsome face. "What are you sorry for, Grissom?" She asked warily.

"A lot of things. But mostly for not being…." he trailed off, obviously reluctant to voice his thoughts.

"Not being what?"

He turned his head and met her eyes. The sorrow she found there was almost more than she could bear. She wanted so badly to comfort him but knew that he would reject her efforts so she remained still.

"More. I'm sorry that I can't be more for you." He closed his eyes, trying to compose himself. When he opened them again his mask of indifference was back in place. He faced forward and started the engine.

Sara turned away to hide the tears in her eyes. She wanted to scream at him. She wanted to tell him that he was more than any man had ever and would ever be for her. She wanted him to know the pain that she had to live with every day because she was not allowed to give him her love.

The ride back to the lab was completely silent. They were both lost in their own thoughts and misery. Grissom wished that he could make her understand why they could not get involved. But how could he make her understand when he didn't even understand it himself? His instinct told him that being with Sara on any level would be a disastrous move. His heart didn't care what the hell his instinct said. He had to tighten his hold on the steering wheel to keep from reaching out to her. It was getting harder and harder to stay away from Sara each day. He wanted to give his love to her more than anything he had ever wanted. The knowledge that he couldn't left a bitter taste in his mouth. When he had parked, they sat for a moment staring out of the windshield.

"I'm sorry too, Grissom." He flinched. "Not because I agree with you. You're more than enough for me. You always have been." She gave a short laugh that ended on a sob. "You always will be. What I think you're really saying is that I'm not enough for you. And for that I am truly sorry." He sat there in stunned silence as she opened her door and got out. She gave him one last look before grabbing an armful of evidence bags and walked toward the building with her head held high.