A/N: Well hello there lovely people!
So, this story is going to be a series of humorous one shots set in the Marauder era. The plots will be desperately bad. Don't worry I did that on purpose ;) Rated T because of later chapters.
I'm really not sure how to explain the idea but please read! I will love you forever if you review! I would really, really like some feedback! :D Hope you enjoy!

Peter and the Giant Peach

Peter awoke with a feeling of intense discomfort all along his upper body. No. Wait. On his upper body. He slowly opened his eyes. He saw only pink. What was wrong with him? He could feel his eyes open. He attempted to push himself up onto his elbows but couldn't, he was pinned down somehow. Was he ill? He'd never heard of an illness that caused one to see only pink and be unable to move.
Tears began to roll down Peter's cheeks. Was he going to die? Or stay forever, stuck paralysed and blind. This was just his luck. He closed his eyes.
Peter stayed in his state of sorrow for about an hour. The sound of strong laughter took him away from his thoughts. It wasn't a laugh he knew, a at the very least knew well. Then, move voices joined in. More and more until the chorus of laughing voices was too much. He screamed and flailed his arms, kicking and screaming as loud as he could. And then it was over.
A great weight was lifted from his chest, and he saw light again. Specifically the light from the great window in the great hall. His surrounding came into focus. A great throng of students with breakfasts in hand, surrounded him, pointing and laughing. James and Sirius stood at his side, carrying, rather bizarrely, a giant peach between them, huge grins on their faces. What happened? He looked to his friends, hoping for some kind of explanation of all these bizarre facts. The looks on James and Sirius' faces were pure mischievous glee. And it all made sense. It was them. They did this to him. And he would get revenge.
He got up from his bed, parted the crowds and ran. He bolted himself into a cubicle in the bathroom nearest to the great hall. As it was Saturday, he had as much time as he desired.

After a few minutes of quite contemplation, he had an idea. It would be difficult of course, magic had never been a great strength of Peter's. He had always lived in the shadow of his friends. But that would end today. Oh yes, people would be talking about Peter for a very long time after this.

Peter was still in the bathroom. He had been there for a startling 3 hours, without eating. The normal Peter would've never been capable of that. He had a toile roll stood up on the cistern and was attempting to transfigure it. Beads of sweat were rolling down his forehead at this stage. He had been trying, without result for over an hour. It was very difficult, and, because of where he was, he had to use a non verbal spell. He couldn't risk someone overhearing his incriminating incantation and compromising the rest of his plan.
Finally, it worked. Sitting in the cistern of the toilet was one very mean looking knife. He slid it into the waistband of his jeans with a satisfied grin.

He walked into Hogsmeade alone, as his friends, even after their betrayal, had left him on his own yet again. This was perfectly okay with Peter as he used the time to go over the plan in his head. He knew where he would find them, as it was a very cold day, they would no doubt be in The Three Broomsticks. He was totally correct.
When he walked in, he quickly scanned the room and found them in a booth an the very back, in the shadows. Perfect
He walked over to them with his usual nervous grin on his face. Remus beckoned him to sit on the seat next to him.
"Mate, we started to think you were dead."
"Hope more like," interjected Sirius.
"The look on your face when you woke up!" started James. Peter didn't want to hear it.

He took the knife out of his jeans and with one quick slash, cut across the necks of both James and Sirius. The blood began to spurt out immediately. He knew he had hit the correct artery. Blood flew in all directions covering Peter and Remus and falling like a great river, soaking both boys t-shirts. Just it be sure he slit the neck of Remus as well. They didn't die immediately, Peter didn't want them to. He wanted them to suffer. He took one last look at his old friends, heads lolling onto their chests but still conscious.
"You did this to yourselves"
With high malicious laughter he left the tavern, and commenced his life on the road as a paid assassin.

A/N: Wow! I really didn't know what was going to happen there. Anyway, I hope you like it. Please take 5 seconds to review. I would love some feedback & if you do I'll love you forever.