Go Climb a Tree
By SparksJSH
I should go and climb a tree. I'm sitting here in my apartment in New York City trying not to think about the worst moments of the worst day I've had since I got married and moved here with Sarah for medical school and yet accomplishing nothing but remembering. Sarah is out walking the dog I brought home. She tried to get me to go with her, to talk about the day we both had but I couldn't. Instead, I'm just sitting here wishing I could climb a tree and get a new perspective.
I lost a patient. Dr. Norton tried to place the blame on me. Who knows, perhaps he's right. She told me she was a diabetic and I reported it to Dr. Norton. I should have told the nurses so they saw that she got food before she developed hypoglycemia. How could a woman who brought in a friend suddenly collapse and die? And if I couldn't save her, how can I think I can pursue a career trying to save others?
Why did I decide to become a doctor in the first place? I told Sarah earlier it was because I saw a couple of babies being born when I was a teen. It wasn't the truth but I couldn't explain about Adam, Tree Boy, Zen Master extraordinaire. It was Adam that suggested that I could get a whole new perspective by climbing a tree, this from a boy that had never been able to climb a tree in his life. It was Adam who tried to help me see what it was I wanted out of life. He died last year. I got a letter from my old boss at the hospital. She remembered how close we'd gotten when I was working in the cafeteria. I bet his climbing trees in Heaven now.
What good is it to help people if you can't save them all? Dad always told us to be harmless not helpful. Today, for one woman I was neither. Maybe a job on the bomb squad would be better.
"Thank you." The last words that she had spoken to me were of thanks. I'm not even sure what she was thanking me for exactly. I told her that I hadn't done anything. What was she thanking me for? All I had done was talked to her and listened to her. Was that it? Was she thanking me for treating her like a human being, for taking the time to show her a little common courtesy?
Maybe I did fail her by not making sure she got food. I'll give Dr. Norton that much, but I did not fail her as a human being. I cared about her from the moment I first talked to her in the hallway until the moment she was pronounced dead; or maybe I didn't even stopped then. Maybe I can't save all my patients but I can care about them all. I can care about the old man in the last stages of dementia and the young man who thinks he's Napoleon. Maybe my one thing I'm meant to do is to care, even if it hurts me.
"Matt?" Sarah's voice is full of concern as she returns from walking the dog. I don't know how we are going to keep him or if we even can. We can worry about that later. I stand and hug my wife. I wasn't fair to her today but I'll do better tomorrow. She smiles at me. "I'm sorry you had a bad day."
I shrug. "It wasn't as bad as the day the bomb squad guys had."
Sarah shook her head in confusion. "Are you okay?"
I nod. "I just climbed a tree and got a little perspective. I think I'm ready to talk about my day if you want to listen."
I melt against her kiss and take comfort in her arms. Things were going to be okay.
By SparksJSH
I should go and climb a tree. I'm sitting here in my apartment in New York City trying not to think about the worst moments of the worst day I've had since I got married and moved here with Sarah for medical school and yet accomplishing nothing but remembering. Sarah is out walking the dog I brought home. She tried to get me to go with her, to talk about the day we both had but I couldn't. Instead, I'm just sitting here wishing I could climb a tree and get a new perspective.
I lost a patient. Dr. Norton tried to place the blame on me. Who knows, perhaps he's right. She told me she was a diabetic and I reported it to Dr. Norton. I should have told the nurses so they saw that she got food before she developed hypoglycemia. How could a woman who brought in a friend suddenly collapse and die? And if I couldn't save her, how can I think I can pursue a career trying to save others?
Why did I decide to become a doctor in the first place? I told Sarah earlier it was because I saw a couple of babies being born when I was a teen. It wasn't the truth but I couldn't explain about Adam, Tree Boy, Zen Master extraordinaire. It was Adam that suggested that I could get a whole new perspective by climbing a tree, this from a boy that had never been able to climb a tree in his life. It was Adam who tried to help me see what it was I wanted out of life. He died last year. I got a letter from my old boss at the hospital. She remembered how close we'd gotten when I was working in the cafeteria. I bet his climbing trees in Heaven now.
What good is it to help people if you can't save them all? Dad always told us to be harmless not helpful. Today, for one woman I was neither. Maybe a job on the bomb squad would be better.
"Thank you." The last words that she had spoken to me were of thanks. I'm not even sure what she was thanking me for exactly. I told her that I hadn't done anything. What was she thanking me for? All I had done was talked to her and listened to her. Was that it? Was she thanking me for treating her like a human being, for taking the time to show her a little common courtesy?
Maybe I did fail her by not making sure she got food. I'll give Dr. Norton that much, but I did not fail her as a human being. I cared about her from the moment I first talked to her in the hallway until the moment she was pronounced dead; or maybe I didn't even stopped then. Maybe I can't save all my patients but I can care about them all. I can care about the old man in the last stages of dementia and the young man who thinks he's Napoleon. Maybe my one thing I'm meant to do is to care, even if it hurts me.
"Matt?" Sarah's voice is full of concern as she returns from walking the dog. I don't know how we are going to keep him or if we even can. We can worry about that later. I stand and hug my wife. I wasn't fair to her today but I'll do better tomorrow. She smiles at me. "I'm sorry you had a bad day."
I shrug. "It wasn't as bad as the day the bomb squad guys had."
Sarah shook her head in confusion. "Are you okay?"
I nod. "I just climbed a tree and got a little perspective. I think I'm ready to talk about my day if you want to listen."
I melt against her kiss and take comfort in her arms. Things were going to be okay.