(Jermaine enters house, angry)
Jake: (cheering) Awesome dude, we won!
Jermaine: (walks up to Jake) (angry) Win?! Hey, YOU'RE the one who messed up in the first place! (Finn and Jake scared and confused) I mean, when do you ever do anything right WITH your powers?! Sure, the special guys one and two win every day, just right after messing up! Cracking jokes about it and reading foodie mags in your tree-town funhouse! Must be nice to be SO special you can go off and find your own fancy ways! Meanwhile, I chose to stay here but had to watch dad's trashy booty because I never wanted to hang with a brother that stretched into the sky and farted on the wings of a falcon I guess!
Jake: (amused) Dude, I never farted on the wing of a falcon. (snorts mischievously)
Jermaine: (angry) (attacks Jake, screaming)
Finn: (worried, tries to stop fight) Bros!
Jake: (serious) Chill Jermaine.
Jermaine: (angry) (uppercuts Jake) You think I wanted to be part of this stupid demon hunting business?! WRONG! (beats up Jake) I don't even get salt! SAAALLLT! (barks in anger) (punches Jake in stomach, Jake traps hand inside, stretches behind Jermaine, Jermaine pulls hand out from stomach) (bites Jake's buttocks)
Jake: (in pain) YOWCH! (shakes Jermaine off into bookcase)
Jermaine: (groans) (angry) I'm sick of watching all of daddy's junk! They've always been bothering me to death! (throws magic shoe, shoe flies off) (grumbling loudly in frustration)
Finn: (to Jake) (amused) That must've been building up for awhile.
Jermaine: (roars in anger) Stay OUT OF THIS (throws magic hand over Jake) FINN!
(Magic hand hits Finn's head, grows and traps Finn)
Finn: (surprised) WHA! (struggles to pull out sword)
Jermaine: (angry) I always wanted you to be normal and for us to have a normal, quiet life! But still, you got to be dad's favorite while I got stuck with his mess because I figured there's no point fighting it anymore!
Jake: (denial) Come on, dad didn't have a favorite. He just liked my fart jokes.
Jermaine: (angry) I'M THE FART JOKE! (throws potion at Jake, Jake avoids potion, potion breaks and releases magical creature wearing wizard hat on head and tail)
Magic creature: Shazbaz! (looks around) Uh, no. (disappears) Shazbaz!
Finn: (pulls out sword, cuts through magic hand, jumps out free with sword on fire, magic hand sets on fire) (amazed) Hand fire. (notices sword on fire) AAH! (tries to shake fire off sword)
Jake: (desperate) Jermaine, please! Dad loved us both, he said you could've left anytime.
Jermaine: THAT'S NOT what this is about! (grabs Jake's face, pulling it) (raging) I MEAN, I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU STAND HERE AND REMIND ME OF EVERYTHING (breaks paralyzing potion on Jake's face) I HATE ABOUT THIS FAMILY!
Jake: (falls to ground, unable to move body) Owww.
Jermaine: (beats Jake's face, about to cry) I didn't ask to be in this horrible life… (crying) I never wanted our parents to keep going on their demon business. They wouldn't have died if they had listened to me! (stops beating Jake) And to top it all off, (angry) they'd rather listen to you guys, even though I'm the only one NOT ADOPTED out of the three of us!
(Finn and Jake shocked, Jermaine realizes what he said)
Jake: (worried) J-Jermaine… wha-what do you mean… by that? Adopted?
Jermaine: (stops crying) (sighs in defeat) I sworn secrecy to mom and dad to not tell you this, but… you were adopted, Jake.
Jake: (shocked) Whaaaat?
Jermaine: It's a long story, but-
Finn: (panics) Guys, guys, guys! This whole place is burning down! So if you're done being angry bonkers, let's work together!
Jermaine: (looks around) (sighs) Oh man, I really built my own cage… (pours potion on Jake, removes paralysis)
Jake: (cheers) Yeah dude, let's put it out! (fist bumps Finn)
Finn: Jermaine? You gonna leave me hanging bro?
Jermaine: (sad) Let it burn.
Jake: (sad) Oh.
Finn: (distressed) But all of dad's stuff?! You sure about this?
Jermaine: (in tears) Yeah. I think it's alright.
(Sunrise, outside, Jake and Jermaine sitting in front of burnt down house while Finn looks around)
Finn: (examines salt barrier) Man, the salt line got broken. Where'd all the D's go?
Jake: Maybe with their stuff gone, they had no reason to stay anymore. (turns to Jermaine) (sad) So, I came out of dad's noodle, while mom birthed you out… that IS a lot to take in. (looks at hands, stretches hands into UFO) I guess I really am an alien.
Jermaine: Half-alien. But that doesn't mean we loved you like any less.
Finn: (chuckles) True that.
Jake: (smiles) Yeah, you're right bro. (frowns curiously) But then, that's why you don't want to hang with us?
Jermaine: (shrugs) Pretty much, but the truth is, I've always missed you both. And I still forgave you for the time you knocked my lights out, I just never wanted to deal with your powers, never liked them, nor growing up in this ridiculous family. I mean, dad being a demon fighter and expecting us to follow his business, or you being half-alien and freaking me out with all the stretching stuff. I don't mind Finn being adopted though.
Finn: (confused) So then, why'd you wait so long to leave all this? You didn't have to do any of it.
Jermaine: (sighs sadly) I know. It's just... I wanted to see what would our parents feel if I hadn't given up their job. (looks up in sky) If they were watching from glob world, they'd see that I was trying to protect them long ago, get them to quit. And now they're gone... all because they didn't listen to me. (looks down, about to cry) All the time I wondered, would they have listened now? Would they lived normally like I wanted them to be?
(Finn and Jake look at each other nervously, Finn turns away, Jake turns to Jermaine)
Jake: (puts arm around Jermaine's shoulder) Well, I think they would say they'd be proud of you, that you were pretty great getting them to quit. They even probably would've done the same too.
Jermaine: (crying softly) Thanks bro, but I doubt YOUR family wouldn't let you do it either.
Jake: (worried) Speaking of MY family, I need to know, where did they go?
Jermaine: (stops crying, wipes away tears) I don't know. Mom and dad didn't either. But I did some research claiming they go to Earth every thirty years from a comet like the one a few months ago. (looks at watch) (panics) Oh no! The tape! (runs to center of burnt down house, struggles to open basement hatch) Open! (Jake helps open hatch)
Bryce: (crawls out basement, coughing, holds out poster) I got my poster! (coughs out stuffed bear)
Jermaine: Booboo Sousa.
Bryce: (smug) I ate his stupid face off, it was sick.
Jermaine: (annoyed) Ugh, do you even what you sound like when you talk like that?
Bryce: (proud) Hey, I sound cool.
Jermaine: (throws away watch) If that's what you think.
Bryce: That's what I know. (whining) Dang, has it always been so bright out here? Makes me want to explode the sun and banish the Earth into darkness.
Jermaine: (serious) Shut your face before I rip that poster up, never wanted to look after it anyways. And don't think I've forgotten how you demons killed our parents that day.
Bryce: (scoffs) (annoyed) Whatever. (walks to forest)
Finn: (worried) You gonna be alright Jermaine?
Jermaine: (smiles) Yeah, I think I'll stick with Bryce from now on. I'll be fine, we're cool.
Jake: (worried) So what about us? You know, with me being... you know?
Jermaine: It's alright, I got it all out of my system. (guilty) And um, sorry about beating you up bro. Guess I'm just not used to growing up in a family like this. And well, having you as my brother.
Jake: (chuckles) Glad to hear you feel better. Truth is, I feel exactly the same... like the time mom flipped out over my giant hand or when dad chewed me out for wrecking the roof playing Jake ball.
Jermaine: (chuckles) Yeah, those were good times.
Jake: (worried) So, where would you go now?
Jermaine: (reassuringly) Don't worry, I'll find somewhere to crash, probably near the desert lands. (puts hand on Jake's shoulder) (serious) Listen Jake, if you ever see your alien family, don't trust them. Apparently they wanted to do something awful to the planet and all, you understand? (Jake shocked, but nods in agreement) Just remember, whatever happens, we're YOUR real family, always will be. (hugs Jake) (smiles sadly) I love you, Jacob.
Jake: (touched, returns hug) You KNOW I hate being called Jacob but… love you too, bro. I'll call sometimes, maybe even visit again.
Jermaine: (chuckles) Yeah, you do that. (turns to Bryce) (walks to forest) (annoyed) Oh, dude, see?! You're doing it again!
(Finn and Jake stare at Jermaine and Bryce walking away)