AN: So, I am rewriting every single episode of Buffy, with one slight change – Jenny Calendar (killed off in Passion, season 2 episode 17) will be in every single one. Don't like it, don't read it. That simple. If you do like it, I would also suggest that you start out by reading 'Welcome To The Hellmouth Rewritten', followed by 'The Harvest', before you read this.

In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer...

In Sunnydale High's library, Giles was beside himself. "This is madness! What can you have been thinking? You are the Slayer! Lives depend upon you!" He began pacing. "I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, and instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this..." He stopped pacing. "Cult?"

Buffy was wearing a cheerleader uniform. "You don't like the color?"

"I d... " His tone went to exasperated, " Do you, um... " He put some books on a cart. "Do you ignore everything I say as a, as a rule?"

"No, I believe that's your trick."

Giles pushed the cart to the counter.

Buffy skipped in front of him and posed. "I told you, I'm trying out for the cheerleading squad!"

"You have a sacred birthright, Buffy. You were chosen to destroy vampires, not to... wave pompoms at people. And as the Watcher I forbid it." Giles went back to the table.

"And you'll be stopping me how?"

"Well, I..." He sat on the edge of the table and crossed his arms. "By appealing to your common sense, if such a creature exists."

"I will still have time to fight the forces of evil, okay? I just wanna have a life, I wanna do something normal. Something safe."

There was an attic. Inside that attic, it was dark, and there were flowers and herbs hanging upside down from the rafters to dry and personal items with identification tags. There was also a witch, who moved around in the darkness. She stopped at a cauldron. She waved a pendant on a chain over the brew, then pulled it back. She went over to a rack and yanked off a doll hanging there by its neck on a wire.

"You're frustrated." Ms. Calendar entered the library. Buffy had already left.

"Hm?" Giles asked, placing the glasses on his face that he had previously been cleaning.

"You're frustrated, I can tell."

"Yes, a-as a matter of fact, I-I am. You're right."

"Why?"

"Buffy's going to try out for the cheerleading squad, against my better judgement."

"Let her."

Giles was shocked. "What?"

Ms. Calendar shrugged. "Let her. She's a sophomore. A teenager. She needs to be allowed some feeling of normalcy, or she won't be too willing to carry out her duty as the Slayer. Besides. She's just trying out. There's no guarantee that she'll get in."

Giles allowed himself a small smile. "I suppose you're right."

Ms. Calendar perked up. "Ooh. Can I get you to say that about computers being useful resources for information?"

Giles gave her a look. "Don't push it."

In the gym, cheerleader tryouts were about to start. Girls were stretching and practicing, doing back handsprings, cartwheels and walking handstands. One girl did a roundoff followed by a back handspring. Buffy, Willow and Xander came through the door.

"Giles didn't approve, huh?" Willow asked.

"He totally lost his water. We haven't seen a vampire in over a week. I'd say he should just make Ms. Calendar his girlfriend already... if he wasn't so old."

"Well, we're behind you," Willow supported.

"People scoff at things like school spirit, but look at these girls giving their all like this!" Xander was enjoying the view. He noticed Amber doing the splits between two chairs. "Ooo, stretchy! Where was I?"

"You were pretending that seeing scantily clad girls in revealing postures was a spiritual experience," Willow answered pointedly.

"Who said I was pretending?" He spoke to Buffy next, "Oh, hey! Here's a good luck thing for tryouts." He handed her a bracelet.

"What's this?" Buffy asked.

"What's that?" Willow echoed.

"Oh, how sweet!" Buffy read the inscription she'd just seen out loud, "'Yours Always.'"

Xander stammered, embarassed, "I-i-it came that way, really, they all said that!" He wouldn't let Buffy know that he was totally crushing on her. Not yet.

Willow let out a breath.

Cordelia approached them. "Just look at that Amber. Who does she think she is, a Laker Girl?"

"I heard she turned them down." Willow hadn't actually heard that, of course.

Joy, the cheerleading squad leader, stepped up with her clipboard and called for everyone's attention. "Okay, listen up! Let's begin with -" She checked her clipboard. "Amber Grove. If you're not auditioning, move off the floor."

Willow greeted a fellow student from the bleachers, "Amy! Hi!"

Amy came over. "Hi!"

"I didn't know you wanted to be a cheerleader! You lost a lot of weight."

"Had to."

"Do you know Buffy?" She turned to face Buffy.

"Hi," Amy greeted.

"Hi," Buffy replied.

"Oh, how I hate this, let me count the ways." She was referring to the waiting that came with the process of auditioning.

Amber began her routine. It was very athletic. She started off with a needle-split lift followed by a double spin and a jumping double spin. After landing, Amber launched herself into an aerial and a cartwheel. Jazz slides were then followed by a single spin. Everyone in the gym was intent on watching her.

"She trained with Benson. He's one of the best coaches money can buy," Amy told Buffy.

"They have cheerleading coaches?" That was new.

"Oh, yeah! Don't you have? I train with my mom, three hours in the morning, three at night."

"Hmm, that much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some quality matricide."

"Oh, I know it's hokey. But she's really great."

Cordelia turned her back to Amber with a look of contempt on her face. "Hmm!"

Buffy and Xander watched Amber in amazement. Amy and Willow were impressed, too. Amber's hands began to smoke.

"What the?" Buffy wondered. That couldn't be good.

"That girl's on fire!" Willow cried out.

Cordelia, who was facing away, therefore not seeing the smoke, replied, "Enough of the hyperbole!"

Amber's hands caught fire. She dropped her pompoms and screamed. Amber flailed her hands in the air as Buffy jumped up onto the bleachers and pulled down a banner. She ran back to Amber, knocking her down and snuffed out the flames with the banner. Everyone stared in shock.

Buffy tried comforting Amber, "It's okay, it's okay, you're gonna be... okay." To herself she whined, "God!"

Later, in the library, Buffy was pacing. Willow, Xander, and Ms. Calendar were sitting at the study table.

"I've been slaying vampires for more than a year now, and I have seen some pretty cringeworthy things, but... nobody's hands ever got toasted before," Buffy stated.

Giles came out of the book cage. "I imagine not."

"So, this isn't a vampire problem."

"No," Ms. Calendar answered right away.

Buffy turned to Giles. "But it is funky, right? Not of the norm?"

"Quite. Spontaneous human combustion is, is rare, and, and scientifically unexplainable, but there have been cases for hundreds of years. Usually all that's left is a pile of ashes."

"That's all that would have been left if it hadn't been for Buffy," Willow stated.

So, we have no idea what caused this. That's a comfort," Xander retorted.

"But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth!"

Everyone looked at Ms. Calendar as though she had grown a second head. Unable to see that many eyes on her, she looked away.

Giles moved to sit on the edge of the table, which was coincidentally right next to Ms. Calendar. "There's a veritable cornucopia of, of fiends and devils and, and ghouls to engage."

Now everyone's eyes were on him.

"Pardon me for finding the glass half full."

Ms. Calendar caught him glancing at her. "Stole the words," she quipped. "Right outta my mouth."

The kids blinked and shrugged it off.

Buffy brought conversation back to business, "Any common denominators in cases of spontaneous combustion?"

It took strength for Giles to bring his eyes to look at her. "Uh, rage. In most cases the person who combusted was, was terribly angry or, or upset."

"So maybe Amber's got this power to make herself be on fire. It's like the human torch, only it hurts," Xander suggested.

"I need to get the skinny on Amber. Find out if she's had any colorful episodes before," Buffy stated. She started to leave.

"That means hacking illegally into the school's computer system..." Willow looked over to Ms. Calendar nervously. "You won't tell on me, will you?" she asked in a small voice.

Ms. Calendar chuckled. "Course not."

Willow let out a sigh of relief. "At last, something I can do!"

She and Xander got up and went over to Buffy.

"I'll ask around about her," Xander offered.

"You guys don't have to get involved."

"What d'ya mean? We're a team! Aren't we a team?"

"Yeah!" Willow agreed enthusiastically. "You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!"

"I just don't like putting you guys in danger."

"Oh, huh, I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away." Xander wasn't exactly helping his case.

"Okay, just walk softly, at least until we know a little more. I mean, what if Amber isn't causing these problems herself?"

"Well, then we have to determine who or what did, and, uh, deal with it accordingly," Giles stated. He was definitely getting butterflies, especially when the teens left and he was left alone with Ms. Calendar.

"Soo..." Ms. Calendar stood up. "How can I contribute?"

"Y-You can...um, e-eavesdrop on your students t-to u-uh, see if you hear anything of interest." He flashed a quick, embarassed smile.

"On it." She stood by him a moment longer before turning and striding out of the library.

In the kitchen at the Summers house, there were several wooden boxes and crates. Joyce, Buffy's mother, was trying to pry one open with a crowbar.

Buffy came in. "Hey!"

"Hi, how was school?"

"It's for the tribal art display."

"Cool!" Buffy examined a piece of art from another crate, that was on the counter. "We had tryouts today."

"Oh, great! How'd it go?" She exhaled, still trying to open the crate.

"I didn't actually get to try out. There was an accident. Pretty fierce competition, though."

"Oh, I know you'll do fine. Keep on pluggin', just have to get back on the horse."

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"What was I trying out for?"

"Oh, uh..." She stopped prying at the crate and looked at Buffy. "Some activity? I have no idea, I'm sorry." She felt bad.

"That's okay. Your platitudes are good for all occasions."

Joyce sighed. "I'm distracted." She started prying again and let out a breath, trying to muster up strength. "Got a lotta inventory to go through here." She sighed in exhaustion. "This is my Gallery's first major show." She sighed again and gave up on opening the crate. "You know, it might not physically kill you to give me a hand here." She went to check her clipboard.

Buffy grabbed the lid of the crate and effortlessly tore it off. "It was cheerleading," she informed.

"Oh good! I'm glad you're taking that up again, it'll keep you out of trouble."

"I'm not in trouble."

"No, not yet."

Buffy was hurt.

Her mother looked up from her clipboard and noticed. "I mean, you stopped cheerleading just before the trouble, so it's good you're going back." She went back to the crate and partially lifted out a statue. "Oh, dear."

"What?"

"The fertility statue, you don't need to see it." She replaced the crate's lid and went back to her clipboard.

"Y'know, there's this girl, Amy, and, um, she trains with her mom, like, three hours a day."

"Uh-huh."

"Sounds like her mom's pretty into it." A part of her was jealous of that. Buffy didn't get to spend as much time with her mother as other girls her age did.

"Sounds like her mom doesn't have a lot to do." She walked out of the kitchen with a piece of art.

Buffy lifted the crate's lid a little bit and looked in. "Jeepers!"

The next day in the gym, tryouts resumed.

While pacing, Joy, the leader, addressed the girls, "Despite the terrible thing that happened yesterday we still have to pick new cheerleaders. If you make the team you'll find your names posted in the quad after lunch. Let's begin with group performance."

Amy spoke to Buffy before the group started, "Why do my hands have to sweat when I get nervous?"

"Don't worry. You'll do great."

Joy amped up the volume, "Five, six, seven, eight!"

Everyone chanted, "Sunnydale! Sunnydale! We never fail! We never fail! Jump and Shoot! Swish and score! The other team is such a bore! Yeah!"

Amy blowed a cartwheel and crashed into Cordelia.

Cordelia yelped as she fell and then quickly got up. "You saw that, right? That wasn't me! You saw that, right?" She looked at Amy and back again. "Right?"

Later, in the hall, Amy was admiring the trophies in the case with a longing look. Buffy came up next to her. Amy noticed her, smiled and pointed to a picture in the case. "That's my mom!"

"No!" Buffy was in disbelief. She read the inscription. "Catherine Madison. Get down with your bad self!"

"Her nickname was 'Catherine the Great'. She took that team and made them tri-county champions. Y'know, no one's ever done that before, or since. She and my dad were Homecoming King and Queen. They got married right after graduation."

"That's kinda romantic."

"Well, he was a big loser. Never made any money. Ran off with Miss Trailer Trash when I was twelve."

"Okay, that part's less romantic. My folks split up, too."

"Drag, huh? Uh, he left my mom with nothing. She put herself through cosmetology school." Amy smiled. "Bought me everything I ever wanted." She shook her head. "And never once gained a single pound."

Buffy walked around to face Amy. "Uh, she sounds really great, Amy, but, um... it doesn't mean that you need to lock step as far as this cheerleading thing." Seemed to her Amy was trying to hard to become her mother.

"She was the best! And I can't get my body to move like hers! I choked in there so bad!"

"No, Amy, you did fine."

Amy took on a dejected tone, "I'm gonna get changed."

"Wait! No..." It was too late. Amy was already walking away.

Willow walked by. "Hey, Amy!" She came over to Buffy. "Is she okay?"

"No, she's, she's wiggin' about her mom, big cheer queen back when."

"Yeah, her mom's kinda..."

"...Nazi like?" Buffy suggested.

"Heil. If she gains an ounce she padlocks the fridge and won't eat anything but broth."

"So, mommy dearest is really... Mommy Dearest?"

"There's a bitter streak. But Amy's nice. We used to hang in Junior High. When her mom would go on a broth kick, Amy'd come over to my house and we'd stuff ourselves with brownies!"

They started down the hall.

"Hey, any word on Amber?" Buffy asked.

"Nothing thrilling. Average student. Got detention once, for smoking. Regular smoking... with a cigarette, not, like, being smoky."

"Hmm."

"All pretty normal."

"So we just have to wait and we'll see what happens. Maybe nothing will."

At lunch, Ms. Calendar strode into the library.

"Hear anything?" Giles asked.

"I don't think it's Amber we should be suspecting."

"Who, then?"

"I'm not sure, but Amber is a pretty average student. Nothing too interesting, nothing too suspicious. I'd say we should be keeping an eye on all the other potential cheerleaders."

"Minus Buffy."

Ms. Calendar nodded. "Minus Buffy."

"Should we focus more on those who don't get in?"

"That makes sense. Probably. As you said, rage is a trigger. A lot of those girls really want to get in. In Texas people literally kill for positions."

Giles shuddered. "Thank you for that trivia, Jenny, much appreciated." Not only had he not needed to hear that, he now had disturbing visuals in his mind.

"Anyway, you going to come eat or are you just going to hibernate in here with your books all day?"

Giles crossed his arms, but had no comeback.

In the girl's locker room, showers dripped. Amy was alone at her locker. She heard a noise and turned to look. Nothing. The showers kept dripping. Amy closed her locker and started to go, but was surprised by Cordelia. "I have a dream. It's me on the cheerleading squad, adored by every varsity male as far as the eye can see! We have to achieve our dreams, Amy. Otherwise we... wither and die!"

"Look, I'm sorry about..."

Cordelia cut her off, "Shhh! If your supreme klutziness out there today takes me out of the running, you're gonna be so very beyond sorry!" She smiled. "Have a nice day." She turned to leave. She threw her scrunchie into an open locker and slammed the door as she rounded the corner, but it didn't stay shut.

Amy leaned against her locker, apparently shaken.

Outiside Willow and Xander were walking along the colonnade.

"I told Buffy about Amber," Willow told him.

"Cool! Was she wearin' it? The bracelet, she was wearin' it, right? Pretty much like we're goin' out."

"Except without the hugging or kissing or her knowing about it."

"So I'm just a figure of fun." He sighed. "I should ask her out, right?"

"You won't know till you ask."

"That's why you're so cool! You're like a guy! You're my guy friend that knows about girl stuff!"

"Oh, great. I'm a guy." That was far from what Willow wanted him to see her as.

"Oh, hey, they're posting the list!" He ran off to check the list of names for the cheerleading squad.

There was a crowd in front of the bulletin board. Buffy and Amy were at the back. A girl rushed away in tears because her name was not on the list.

"I can't take this," Amy said nervously.

Joy stepped away from posting the list on the bulletin board.

Lishanne saw her name on the list. "Yes!"

Xander came up behind Buffy and Amy. "Cover me, I'm goin' in." He pushed his way through the crowd and looked at the list.

Cordelia came out of the crowd. "You're lucky!" she told Amy.

"I made it?"

"I made it!"

Xander came back out of the crowd, getting hit on the way. "One of those girls hit me really hard! You should test for steroids. Okay, not only did you make the team, but you, Miss Summers, are the first alternate, and Amy's number three."

Amy looked at Buffy, badly disappointed, and left.

"And what a better way to celebrate than with a romantic drive through..."

"Xander, alternates are the ones who didn't make the team, they only fill in if something happens to the ones who did," Willow informed.

"Excuse me." Buffy went after Amy to console her.

Xander was downtroden. "For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me."

Buffy caught up with Amy. "At least it's over. And you know what I think we should do about it? Brownie pig-out, my house, after school."

"It's just how many more hours a day can I practice? Y'know, how much more can I do? This would never happen to my mother. Never." She walked off.

Buffy stared after her.

In the attic from before, Amy stirred the cauldron. "Give me the power. Give me the dark." She went to get another doll from her rack. "I call on you, the laughing gods." She yanked one of the dolls off of the rack. "Let your blackness crawl beneath my skin." She wrapped Cordelia's scrunchie around the doll's head. "Accept thy sacrifice... of Cordelia. Feed on her." She dropped the doll into the brew.