Iron Man's first Christmas
Humor, and a hint of romance.
I was Christmas shopping on Friday, and suddenly -out of nowhere- I pictured Obadiah Stane as Santa Claus...
Tony Stark signed one last document and handed it to his trusty Personal Assistant, Pepper Potts.
"That's the last one, right?" The question was rhetorical; he was already putting the pen back in its stand –or would have if Pepper hadn't anticipated his move; she took the pen from him and put it in the holder, and then made a check on her ever-present clipboard.
Tony glanced at her, then did a double take: Pepper was wearing a burgundy red suit; just like every other skirt-and-short she owned, except for the color. Pepper rarely wore such a vivid color.
It piqued his interest.
"Going to a party, Potts?"
"Yes."
"The Arlington Charity Ball?"
"That was last week, Tony."
"Oh, yeah." He paused. "The Andrews Foundation party?"
"That's next week." She looked up from her clipboard. "I'm going to a party right here, Tony."
"Oh, yeah? Here?"
"Yes. And so are you, by the way."
"Me? I don't think so. It's December 23d, Potts; time for the Tony Stark Annual Pilgrimage. Belize... private island... Remember?"
"Yeees," she said patiently. "But you must attend a party before you leave. A children's party."
Tony stared blankly at her.
"The children's Christmas party," she added helpfully. When that didn't elicit a response, she added, "The Christmas party Stark Industries offers to its employees' children…?"
"I don't go to children's parties, Potts." He said morosely. "Besides, that was Obadiah's gig all along, not mine."
"It's your Company, Tony; it would mean a lot to the kids, now that Obadiah isn't here, anymore. They loved him as Santa, you know."
"Obie played Santa?"
"Uh, huh. With him gone, you're the next best thing."
Tony did a double take.
"Wait -what? Me? Why"
"Because you're the head of the company," she said calmly, "And since you're the one who blasted Obadiah Stane, it's only fair that you assume the -"
"Actually, that was you, Ms Potts; you blasted him; you wear the suit."
"I was following your orders," she countered, "Besides, Santa isn't female -"
"Well, wouldn't you like to be the first one? You're a feminist -how's that for equal opportunity?"
"Children expect a male Santa," she said with finality. She glanced at her wristwatch. "I arranged for your plane to leave at four, and that gives you exactly 2.5 hours to get ready." She smiled, "I'll help you practice on your jolly laughter."
He narrowed his eyes.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
She smiled. "Oh, yes. But don't worry, I'll help you."
Tony leant on the desk.
"I can't do it, Potts."
"Why not?"
"You can't expect Iron Man to wear a Santa Claus outfit!" he said as if it were obvious. "It's demeaning!" He paused. "Unless -"
"Unless what?"
"What if Iron Man himself delivered the gifts…? He could drop from the sky, hand over the gifts, then talk to the kids -you know, tell them not to do drugs, or steal... He could do that. What do you think?"
She sighed, "God, I wish you wouldn't refer to yourself in the third person -"
"Call me God again, and I'll stop doing it." He smiled winningly at her and, after a moment's hesitation, she smiled back.
Here we go, Tony thought. They'd been doing this lately –smiling at each other, and using every opportunity to flirt. It was all in good fun, though sometimes they used these little moments to get the other to submit in business matters. Usually, it was Tony who yielded: he knew Pepper had the company's best interests at heart, and she was better at human relations than him. And, let's face it, she looked great when she smiled.
But not this time. He was not going to yield on this one. No. No way. He was not…
But damn, she was smiling at him. And she was right; he'd killed Obadiah. So -
No.
Not going to yield…
No... no way...
And then, just as he was about to give in, his cell phone rang. Tony quickly took the call.
"Hey, Black," he said in greeting. "Nah, it's ok. …Yep. …Yep. ...What? ...Oh. Well, yeah, technically, I could build you a suit, but it would cost you. ...How much? Well, let's just say you'd have to make a dozen Kung Fu Panda movies more. ...Yeah. ...Ha, ha... Actually, I'm serious," he said curtly. But then, a sudden thought occurred to him. More cordially, he said, "But you know what? I could build you a mask. ...Yeah, a mask. And it wouldn't cost you a dime. All you have to do is play Santa at a party. Today. ...Yep. ...Ok. I'll send a chopper to pick you up."
A minute later, Tony Stark put down his phone.
"Problem solved," he said. "Jack Black's gonna be Santa this year."
Pepper was appalled.
"Tony..." she started, "This is… I can't believe it…" she couldn't even finish one sentence.
"Hey, I'm sorry, but believe me, I'm doing this for the kids."
"How can you say that?
"Well, look at it this way: I can pull off wearing Santa's clothes but do you think I can pull off the 'jolly' part?"
She stared at him.
"You're right," she said slowly.
"Right. Once again, Iron Man has saved the day." Pleased with himself, he rose and started putting on his jacket. "Well, Ms Potts? Do you think you can arrange for my plane to leave at noon as it was originally planned?"
"Yes, Mr. Stark," she said pertly. "I can do that." She walked dilligently to the door, then paused just before she opened it. "You know... It might not be so bad, with Mr. Black to smooth things out," She glanced over her shoulder. "I've heard he's cute in person."
And with that she closed the door... leaving an appalled Tony Stark.
The End