Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders by. S.E. Hinton. I also don't own the song Savior by 30 Seconds to Mars.
BWS: Spur of the moment ficlet that uses a theme I've been wanting to do for a while now. I should REALLY be in bed right now (I have to work six to twelve-thirty in the morning, meaning waking up at five) but I really needed to write this down.
EDIT: This was originally a Reader-Insert, but I could easily convert it to Third Person POV, so I did so I can add some more things on this site.
Idea Created On: July 23, 2008
Idea Started On: July 23, 2008
Idea Completed On: July 23, 2008
Savior
Until you crash,
Until you burn
At first, she didn't want to be here. She knew it was the right thing to do, to pay her respects; but wasn't watching him get shot down in front of her enough? Wasn't it enough?
Until you fight,
Until you fall
Surely, it was. Surely, losing two people who were like family to her in the span of a few hours was payment enough. It was payment enough. Johnny, Johnny she had no problem seeing,
(No problem except for the fact he was in a coffin, dead, dead, dead)
didn't feel anything, couldn't feel anything. She was there to represent Ponyboy as much as Darrel and Sodapop were, and to represent herself. Two-Bit and Steve were there...even Sherri was there. So why, why, why wasn't Dallas there?
(Denial, denial, pure, unadulterated denial unlike anything else)
It didn't hit her until she had to leave the coffin (forever, forever) that she was not only there to represent herself, but to represent Dallas, not Ponyboy, not Ponyboy that her delusions made her believe she was representing (The Final Goodbye).
Until you die
She fought and fought and fought and fought. She refused to go. She didn't want to go, because she knew what it meant. She knew what it meant and she wanted to live in that denial a little longer, just a little longer, to savor long-gone days that, as the years went by she would forget,
(His hair, his eyes, his face, his actions, his words, his morals, his traits, him)
and she didn't want it, she didn't want any of it.
Until you've lost
Until you lose
But it had to be done.
And here she was, at the funeral, at the coffin, at the grave, the boys she grew up with standing tall around her, but not strong, not strong. She briefly wondered if she was representing Johnny now (Yes, yes, they all were), since it was Dallas in that coffin, and not the sixteen-year-old boy.
(No, no, no, it's not the end, he'll pop up out of no where and be like, "Just kiddin'!" like the asshole he can be, no no no it's not goodbye)
Until you've seen, how could you believe?
Darry had to drag her back to the truck, an hour after the priest had finished the sermon. She thinks it killed the boys more to see her scream for Dallas and Johnny like that, to scream for Dallas and curse God's name over and over and over and over,
(To cry, to scream, to holler, to yell, to hear her heart break)
more than anything.
Until you've lived a thousand times,
Until you've seen the other side
The car ride back to the Curtis home was silent. She spent most of it pondering, (Why? Why?) letting it boil up until-
"Darrel?" The eldest Curtis brother glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, Sodapop also turning his attention from the car window towards her. "Why is it...the people who need help the most...
(He was in and out of jail, always getting into fights, hard, rough, cold, and no matter what they did or said they couldn't prevent it)
"...the ones who really need it...
(He was beaten, unloved, abused, frightened, and no matter what they did or said they couldn't shake him from it)
"...don't ask for it?"
(And both stayed that way until the very end, when they changed and this is how they're rewarded)
Until the truth becomes a lie
(Patient, speechless, agreeing, truth, wonder, nothing, nothing, nothing)
Until you change,
Until you deny
She could only cry silently when she received no answer from either brother.
This is my chance
This is my chance
I'm changing now because I can
This is my chance
I want it now
Because, although it wasn't simple, the answer in their hearts was (painfully...) simple enough.
Don't save me,
Don't save me
'Cause I don't care
Don't save me,
Don't save me
'Cause...I don't care